20 January 2010 Comments Off on Using Criticism as a Positive, Part 2

Using Criticism as a Positive, Part 2

Criticism Can Be Used For:

  • Learning where our hot buttons are
  • Fuel for inner work
  • Learning to strengthen our boundaries
  • Practicing social skills
  • Determining what is important to us
  • Spiritual practice overcoming ego or learning to love

Tips for dealing with criticism:

Sand1–Stay WITH yourself so you can nurture yourself

–Bring the neutral OBSERVER part of you to the foreground of your awareness to reduce any tendency to react

–Ask yourself whether or not you agree with the criticism. If you do, aim to make a pact with yourself to change your behavior, and thank the person for telling you. Telling you may have taken courage or been an expression of authenticity.

–If you are not sure whether you agree with a critical comment, ask yourself: “Is this a person whose opinion I especially respect?” If the answer is yes, give yourself time to consider whether you might like to incorporate his or her opinion into your actions. See what it feels like to embrace it instead of pushing it away.

–If your answer is no, consider the critical comment an opinion. You are not compelled to agree, but do not resist. If you cannot allow the person to hold an opinion you don’t like, work with a trusted advisor to discover exactly why this topic sticky for you. What does this situation or your feelings about it  remind you of or bring up for you?

Remorse can be a tremendous stimulus to change behaviors that do not work–as long as you don’t let itSand2 turn into further criticism and snowball. The results of our acts are ‘punishment’ enough. Adding to them by being unkind is like playing God. Our job is to use the feedback we get to adjust behavior that doesn’t make us happy, not to make ourselves unhappy rolling in it.

Using your response to criticism to motivate your inner work keeps you growing and getting stronger.

Destructive criticism is more challenging, but can still be used for positive inner purposes. Doing so takes some self and/or social mastery. I will say more about withstanding destructive criticism in Part Three.

What constructive uses have you made or seen others make of criticism?

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