Positive Energy Guide

One more story about following Guidance . . .

Studying for Neurology Board exam, I was getting headaches from additional mental exertion at work. Studying in Maui prior to a workshop I planned to attend was more likely to support brain function. The idea was to relieve stress, regain balance, and study a lot.

My seat on the plane was near a woman with a brain injury and a retired neuro nurse!

Exiting the plane I visualized bowing low to the spirits of the island. They are strong and active, and it’s wise to be respectful. I asked them to accept my presence and help make my stay transformational, spiritually aligned and healing.

My trip got off to an intense start. I was exhausted. The rent-a-wreck had almost no gas. Chunks of bumper chipped off when I put in my luggage. There were no directions to the rental place. The phone number on the bumper sticker didn’t work. My hostess at a B and B acted as if I had crawled up out of a drain. Grudgingly, she googled the car place, in an obscure little town 40 minutes away.

I did spiritual practices as I drove, trying to soothe myself. My guidance seemed clear and solid despite awkward events. I sensed that these events were to alter the course of my stay and sharpened my focus.

Backing out of a driveway when I had to turn around, I spied The Death Store, tucked back off the road. I was amazed. The Death Store sells simple caskets and urns. It belongs to Bodhi, who would lead the upcoming workshop. It was closed.

The car place did not show from the street. I parked to find it on foot. No one was there. When I called the phone number over the door the guy asked me to come back the next day. It was only 4:20.

I saw Bodhi walking across the parking lot, stepped into his open arms, and cried for a minute in release and relief. I felt on track now, and sensed that I needed to stay open for more changes.

We opened The Death Store. The atmosphere bathed me in exquisitely subtle, nurturing acceptance and grace. A lovely, polished camphor wood urn smelled divine.

Bodhi had me call a naturopath friend who let out rooms nearby. The woman where I was supposed to stay became more strange. She was psychic but also paranoid, and kept misconstruing things. When I came in she was on the phone having me checked into. My cell phone wasn’t working, so she thought I might be a criminal. I’ll skip the gory details, but I almost slept in the car. She said I must leave by seven in the morning to accommodate her plans.

I noticed a strange portal in the corner of her living room. The woman said her house was on an old burial site. Discarnate Beings came to her for help transitioning into the light. They interrupted what she was doing, demanding to be taken care of immediately. Her spiritual teacher long ago had told her to set the radio station in her car between two frequencies, to practice listening to more than one conversation at the same time. This practice helped her focus when real people and dead people talked at once.

About 2 AM I woke up feeling as if she were sitting on me with her great bulk. I was trying to find a boundary, or a way to feel my own energy signature distinct from hers. She told me in the morning that she had been doing energy work at night to bring in and smooth out some of the energies coming onto the planet.

The next few nights I stayed at the naturopath’s. The room had been booked up, but the person who’d planned to stay had a heart attack and the room became available.

The house was a Buddhist sanctuary, and the naturopath’s partner was healing from a brain injury. I felt at ease there. I got to practice neurology for my exam, and to help out.

Travel can magnify and reflect the way we create in the world. It can be harder to bring ourselves as openly to everyday life.

When you travel, do you leave yourself open to life or keep yourself insular?

How does Guidance play into the way events unfold?

Can you make yourself available to synchronicity and change within the structure of your daily life?

It’s easy to shrug off or override internal prompts about timing by trying to do the sensible thing. Sequencing events in daily life is usually based on rational, practical considerations.

Sometimes we have to interrupt our automatic use of logic to attend to inner Guidance. Guidance skills use different parts of your brain.

The following story speaks to the power of sticking with Guidance. I had to make a mad rush out the door to keep good timing, and then fly blind, following inner cues:

During a general period of dicey timing I had an appointment to take my van to the mechanic. This was the only time they could get me in before a trip. I made it a point to leave my house during a brief window when helpful influences could add grace.

My Mother would follow my van in her car. I met her outside my house and ran in for the directions but my computer hadn’t printed them. My Mom handed me her set of directions through the car window and we left fast to keep good timing.

Rain was streaming hard. I had trouble seeing my Mother’s car in my mirrors. She was hanging too far back. I slowed down until the van complained about being between gears. Clearly visible, I sped up a long rise to the exit. At the bottom of the exit I pulled over and waited. No Mom. I waited longer. 🙁

She had no cell phone or directions. I was now twenty miles from home with no transportation.

Unsure what else to do, I went on to the mechanic. My Guidance was to wait there. Since Mom did not know the name or address of the shop, I had no idea why. In my mind’s eye I could not see her showing up. Rain continued to pour.

I sat in my van and did spiritual practices to pass time. After about twenty minutes a woman’s face appeared at my back window. She yelled, “Are you the woman whose Mother was following you?” I nodded and popped out.

A State Dept. of Transportation truck idled nearby. The woman, Lori, said my Mother’s car had broken down. Lori had pushed it off the freeway to a service station. My Mother told her what happened. Lori had grown up in the neighborhood. She knew there were several service stations within a few blocks on this street. With nothing but my vehicle description she cruised by and found me!

Lori left me at the service station with my Mother, happy to free us from concern. The tow truck took me home and my Mother with her car to her neighborhood mechanic. Her neighbor stopped in for gas and gave her a ride home!

Notice how openness to the dimension of time increases your attunement with Guidance. To do this well you will need to relax the part of you that thinks it knows which moments are significant. Bringing significance into ordinary moments makes life meaningful and opens us to Guidance.

Practice paying attention to intuitive prompts about timing in seemingly-insignificant moments.

What does it feel like to YOU when you are guided to do something during a particular window of time?

What do you tell yourself if things still don’t work out to your liking?

Learning to recognize and respond to windows of opportunity is a powerful and effective Guidance skill. Actions taken during one period of time yield different results than the same actions taken at a different point in time. Responding to the inner call of inspiration during windows of good timing can transform your life.

Each of us have critically important windows of time during which spiritually-essential changes and personal growth can occur. We are able to make changes during these periods. Taking the same actions may be difficult or even impossible during other points in time.

I have seen clients put off making important life changes until they were so accustomed to deferring them that they were about to overlook their perfect timing. Learning to sense how long that window will remain open, and knowing that it will close again in time can help stimulate long-overdue action.

Inspired timing is a major key to personal transformation, because the actions we take will have maximum effect with minimum resistance and our lives will gracefully flex to reflect the changes we make. Taking action in harmony with the energies of the moment makes your actions potent and effective. Learn to sense ideal moments to act.

In addition to planning and taking action, inner timing has a receptive side. Balance between DOing and BEing supports understanding and mastering the art of inner timing.

A receptive focus assists intuition and Guidance. Responsiveness to our inner world opens us to fortuitous events, occurrences, and circumstances that cannot be planned. Receptive sensitivity to timing allows the universe to conspire with our actions. This process is like checking in with our inner world to make sure support is there before we act.

These junctions call for special attention with timing:

• Initiating life changes–especially the ones you fear or have been inclined to put off
• Moving, buying a home or car, signing a contract
• Initiating anything that has its own life over time, such as a trip, a new business, or an important relationship
• Leaving or going anywhere during periods of transformation–home, office, store, restaurant
• Placing or ending a critically important phone call
• Intervening in chaotic events
• Any time you sense that Guidance needs access to you

You may need to be in the correct place at the correct time for something important to occur. Several seconds can make an enormous difference.

Here is a mini-meditation: Enter into the space between time, creating a sense of timeless space by focusing on the pause between your inhale and exhale. Feel the quality of this moment. Now consider something important that you need to do. Gently hold your intention to take action. Now visualize starting to act and see what it feels like. Do this with respect to staring at several different points in time. Compare how you feel when you start at one time versus another.

Sometimes you will find information about timing in this place of pause. Other times you will not. The timing may be vitally important, somewhat important, or unimportant. Learn to recognize when timing matters.

What kind of signals do YOU get when you are guided to do something during a particular window of time?

How and when do you resist attending to Guidance about timing?

How do you get ready for Awakening?

Paying attention makes a good start.

PAYING attention is an interesting phrase. Paying attention costs us something. What does it cost? What inner experiences are hiding out when we resist paying attention? 

Some of us act as if paying attention will cost us a chunk of our lives–the chunk of time we spend on focusing. It might cost us something the ego identifies with, like an opinion, misconception, belief, habit, or attitude.

Resistance flourishes in inattention. Resistance is the opposite of accepting life as it is. Habitual resistance is passive denial. It takes up the space and time we would otherwise use to create something of value.

Paying attention costs us the risk of releasing resistance.

To pay attention we engage with intention. This is a more Awake state. Practicing full engagement may initially seem like a restriction. What we get is well worth the price of practicing focus. During the time we spend paying attention, we get MORE for our investment of time. Life is vastly richer when we are fully present to experience it.

We may think we feel freer spacing out–if we notice feeling at all in that disjointed place. We are just less Present. We may feel freer of our issues because we’re not there to feel them.

Not being Present is stuckness.

Self-awareness is what Awakens us. We do become more aware of others and of our environment. The blocks to this awareness are inside, not outside.

To awaken safely we need to be deeply anchored in ourselves or we’ll go nuts instead of becoming connected with all of life in a healthy, balanced way.

On the road to Awakening we may go through painful and confusing periods. It can be rough when we begin to really see yet have little ability to control our limiting or destructive patterns.

Being aware is prerequisite to being able to change behavior. But before we can change it, we need to be able to observe it without condemning ourselves and shutting down again. This is one of the many reasons why heart-opening is an essential component of transformation.

Some of us challenge ourselves too much. We need more acceptance of life as it is. We may be addicted to stimulation, or even to stress. Remember the old French saying: “The more things change the more they stay the same.”

We can stay stuck by constantly trying to change instead of sinking in to the moment. Meditation supports natural and balanced growth.

Some of us are addicted to comfort. We may fear change and live in constrained boxes or by paint-by-number rules. Discovering the distress hidden beneath engrained habits can be freeing. Comfort habits are usually driven by buried anxiety. We benefit by honing inner longing; becoming thirsty for change.

If habitual fear keeps you stuck, try using fear differently. Sharpen your fear of staying the same. View the results of being stuck with the kind of discomfort with which you were viewing change. Contemplate how you can find comfort and relief in change.

These practices support Awakening:

• Pace personal growth so you are working compassionately in the current moment rather than driving toward some huge change you hope to see in the future.
• Enter more and more fully into the moment by gently becoming aware of everything you tend to avoid.
• Read the Inner Work Series under the Personal Development Tab above.
• Aim to accept or transform the issues and limitations that arise in your day-to-day life.
• Do whatever spiritual practice you are inspired to do without becoming extreme or forcing anything. Stay open to where it takes you and what it gives you instead of just trying to get something.
• Live the details of daily life with the attention you bring to spiritual practice.
• Spend time around people who have the type of energy you feel drawn to. Aim to resonate at the same pitch.
• Explore any feelings of discontent that arise within you.

Discontent is a handmaiden of Awakening. Discontent indicates that we need to be doing something else or something more. Use discontent as a guide.

Does YOUR concept of comfort support you or keep you stuck?

Is your comfort zone aligned with your most important values?

What would it take to welcome insight about yourself with kindness and compassion?

What types of sensations and experiences accompany Awakening?

This post is focused on the details we don’t usually don’t hear about.

Radically increasing awareness causes the energy in your body to move through you differently. It moves in different channels. Our sensations change. An increase of energy in different areas can cause uncomfortable stimulation. Unfamiliar stimulation can make it hard to sleep.

Re-routing energy in the body can open up pain we had previously shut down. One can get buzzing, streaming or vibrating sensations in a body part, organ or chakra.

Sudden energy changes sometimes provoke severe symptoms by causing the processes in one or more organs to work differently. These organs begin to react to pathogens or toxicity they previously did not have the energy to repel. This type of symptom does invite real healing, but gradual change is much more comfortable.

In addition to changes in sensation, perceptual changes occur from changing the flow of “subtle” energies in the body. These changes can be extremely varied, and range from subtle to intense. Focus and concentration can change. Different senses may sharpen or seem foggy and vague. Dreams may be powerful or occur during a waking state. Your sense of internal balance can change. You may become uncomfortably intuitive and hear people’s thoughts or see energy forms or Beings.

Alterations in perception may be transient, long lasting, or permanent.

I know someone who started to see through walls by accident. This happened to me on one occasion and it was disconcerting.

As we Awaken our bodies may also change chemically, becoming more sensitive to influences. We may be unable to tolerate substances we are accustomed to eating or drinking. Again, this can be temporary or permanent. Higher states of awareness demand different body chemistry. The body can become more particular in order to get what it needs to run the chemical end a new level of awareness and energy.

In actual fact, many of us will do almost anything to get rid of mysterious, uncomfortable incomprehensible sensations. Some begin to wake up and then binge on junk, eat heavily, drink, or intensify old emotional patterns to distract themselves and shut down again. This is an urge toward homeostasis, which the body and younger parts of us crave.

Every advance in development UP and OUT must be counterbalanced by moving DOWN and IN. We need grounding and introspection to balance higher states of awareness. This means learning to recognize, work with and accept anything that stands in the way of self-awareness.

Traditional spiritual wisdom tells us there are two kinds of suffering. One is brought about by poor choices, like eating allergens or drinking and driving. The other type of suffering results from prayers, transformational practices, and strong intentions to change, awaken, or do good.

The results of positive intentions and right actions do bring about positive change. The processes by which this occurs are often painful even though they are ultimately of great benefit.

If you pray for more love, for example, you are likely to bring about experiences that awaken your heart. You may need to expand your ability to feel compassion. This type of change usually occurs through life events. We stabilize learning through embodied life experience. That’s what the body is for. Learning compassion and opening to love may require facing suffering or practicing overcoming selfishness. This happens in the context of life.

When we catch on to the fact that good works can increase certain types of suffering we may well ask ourselves: Why not avoid transformational pursuits?

Waking up–becoming evermore Present–provides a powerful experience of life purpose and meaning. Moving toward being fully alive makes us happier, even if the process includes periods of intensity.

In practice, the discomfort we experience by pursuing the values we are passionate about is well “worth it,” and carries elements of joy. Moving toward something of great value is a joy in itself, especially in contrast with a life lived without inspiration.

I have been through periods when the results of intensive spiritual work was overwhelming. For a time I pulled back from spiritual work. Now I aim for slow, consistent growth instead of radical breakthroughs.

We do not need to push ourselves to the point of misery to make ourselves better or get happier. Accepting ourselves as we are is spiritually sound. A balance between aspiration and acceptance that works for your current needs and circumstances is ideal. Some chapters of life require this balance to shift in favor of intensity and spiritual Awakening, others toward learning to be comfortable with everyday life. That in itself can be a meaningful spiritual pursuit.

What is YOUR current balance between aspiration and acceptance?

How do you feel about your level of Presence and contentment?

What do you need to do to feel you are fully engaged with life?

What happens when we Awaken?

As we explored in previous posts, moving toward congruence means moving toward integral wholeness. Establishing a state of internal congruence also builds a solid base for spiritual development and “Awakening”.

What Is Awakening?

Various groups talk about Awakening. If they define Awakening at all, this definition tends to be vague, abstract, and integral to their particular belief structure. You need to at least think you know what they are talking about and agree to get into it. Some groups are talking about different experiences and calling them by same word.

However defined, Awakening involves becoming more aware. Without being lawyerly about definitions let’s talk straight about what Awakening may entail:

Awakening is a process, and it has consequences. You need to be ready for perceptual shifts and ready to make life changes.

Some people believe in sudden enlightenment and call that Awakening. When that seems to happen it is after very extensive preparation. For the most part Awakening occurs in gradual stages. These stages can be considered preparation, or an increase in awareness that forms an end in and of itself.

What do we become more aware of if we awaken?

Everything.

In addition to becoming more aware of subtle energies and getting an increase of intuitive access, new awareness often includes:

• Strong emotions that may have been suppressed
• Intense body sensations as parts of your body wake up
• Discomfort and perhaps emotional reaction as you begin to notice your previously-unconscious behavior patterns
• Awareness of all manner of things we customarily block out largely because we have trouble dealing with them

A number of my clients have had different types of major “intuitive awakenings.” Several are working to assimilate what came up for them, years after it happened.

Are they totally Awake? No. The a process that takes place in stages, if and when we are ready for them. Trying to force spiritual processes or to bring them about because our egos like the idea can cause serious problems depending on your level of success.

From a psychological standpoint, we shut down awareness partly to protect our egos from material we can’t deal with. Increasing awareness challenges our ego constellations.

As one client pointed out, spiritual highs can be even harder to process and integrate than spiritual lows. Here are a few things that can come up:

• Feeling like you can’t live up to the way you now “should be”
• Fear of giving up reactive emotional habits without behaviors to replace them
• Worry that other people won’t understand you any more
• Fear that your husband/wife/goldfish won’t be comfortable with your changes and will go away
• Self-judgment while suddenly confronting previously-buried selfishness
• Finding aspects of your life intolerable now that you are sensitized to how they impact you
• Feeling that those around you are callous, slow, or out of touch
• Radical change in values and interests
• Feeling out of control as everything we are familiar with starts to change
• Feeling “down” in contrast to how we felt during the change, and feel unhappy with our lives as they were before

It is important to distinguish these states from depression or normal anxiety.

Of course the above things do not always happen. Nor do they mean that what is going on is not fully positive. You could in fact experience most of these symptoms from truly falling in love, or going on a long and glorious vacation and returning home. It’s like that–but more-so.

It is wonderful to confront limitations in the interests of moving into greater experience of unity with all Beings. Let it happen in a gradual way, respecting yourself in the process. Radical practices require preparation and supervision.

Frustrated by their seemingly-slow pace of awakening, several friends were later grateful that the changes they provoked didn’t happen any more quickly. It’s easier to start a process that seems abstract before you get results than it is to integrate new awareness into your body and daily life.

I’ll bring up potential energy, perceptual and body changes in the next post.

How have YOU felt coming from a spiritual high into your usual daily experience?

What happened if you tried to hold on to or get back BACK TO the high?

I’d like to share a fun story that shows how literally and dramatically congruence influences energy.
This story is also a good example of using energy as guidance, and to direct guidance:

My friend Sarina (name changed), and I, had been doing some energy work on one another. We decided to take an infrared sauna afterward. Right about the time we began to break a sweat the electrical system of the sauna began to malfunction. This had never happened before. The light, which I had off, blinked on suddenly with a loud sparking sound. The control panel began to beep erratically.

I tried turning the sauna off and back on. The light began to go on and off rapidly, and the sparky sound was unnerving. I was afraid the circuits would fry. I turned the sauna off and it came right back on by itself.

About this point a glum Sarina said, “This always happens. I can’t wear watches. I never have. The woman at a health place I used to go to has a sauna. This happened every time–and it never happened when I wasn’t there! Not once. So she told me, ‘I think you need to find a different place to sauna.’ ”

I got curious. It was kind of hard to focus my curiosity while worrying about circuits, but I managed. I had a strong suspicion that Sarina had something in her energy fields that caused electrical disturbances, and set out to find it.

Sarina had a layer of energy about eight feet out from her body that felt bristly and disruptive when I tuned in. This disturbance in her fields expressed an inner conflict. Her conflict had been a theme for years. It was evident in incongruent behavior where her social and postural cues gave signals she did not intend to convey.

I worked with the related energy by pinpointing and directly addressing her conflict. Fortunately I’m fast at figuring out what’s going on since I didn’t know how much the sauna could take!

Sarina had done a lot of personal growth work, so she could easily release the energy and emotions tied up in conflict, once we identified the related issue. As soon as we deconstructed the energy related to her issue the sauna began to work normally.

I remain interested to learn whether or not Sarina remains electronics-friendly or re-creates a discordant layer in her fields. When we have a disturbance for years it can become like a familiar feature, so sometimes we re-create it to feel a sense of homeostasis.

Having an external indicator for feedback was interesting–although a biofeedback machine would manage the job more safely than a sauna!

Since we tend to think of energy as something rather abstract, it’s always fascinating when something in our material worlds pops up and points to what is going on within. Attending to this type of signal and using it for growth is a form of guidance.

Energy signals do show up in concrete phenomena. Hollywood sensationalizes this fact by linking energy phenomena to terror. It is true that intensely disturbed individuals can occasionally produce strange and extreme phenomena. I even know a talented psychotherapist who encountered a real-life poltergeist phenomena, which she resolved in about an hour with appropriate therapeutic intervention. Most energy phenomena influence our health, relationships, and what we attract or encounter in life without obvious drama or intensity. Learning to read ever more subtle signals is an advantage.

How do YOU experience expressions of incongruence in your own or other people’s energy?

What does the energy of congruence feel like?

Are we fully congruence when we are in conflict about whether or not we want to be in relationship with someone who is not as congruent as we are?

I believe the answer depends on the extend to which we are willing to embrace this inner conflict, and whether we are willing and able to accept and hold all parts of ourselves.

Resistance to What Actually Is indicates a degree of incongruence.

When we wish we were able to be loving while feeling vexed that we cannot get what we need it can be difficult to maintain a fully congruent state. Resisting the reality of how things are because we want them to be another way can split us into factions. Some parts of us accept and some reject the way things are.
Congruence depends on remaining in touch with these conflicting parts.

When we are incongruent, behavior and expression are not necessarily aligned with our feelings about others. We may love someone very much while our actions express triggers or fears that have little to do with the person in front of us.

When someone we want to be intimate with says they love us and acts out something entirely different, we naturally may feel frustrated and disappointed. If we take their incongruence personally and question whether or not they feel love we add to this distress.

We don’t get to say whether or not someone else feels love. We do get to ask what’s going on, and to watch and see whether they return to and express love when they are not triggered. We get to see whether or not they are willing to work toward emotional health over time. That’s hard to assess without spending time together.

What matters even more than someone’s congruence is whether we can be okay with ourselves around their behavior.

Fully feeling and accepting disappointment allows us to refresh into the moment instead of dragging the past along like a sack of stale disappointments. (My healer said, “There are always fresh, new disappointments when we let go of the old ones!” I laughed hard.)

I went into a meditation retreat feeling weighed down by accumulated disappointments in reaction to my partner’s incongruent behavior. I intentionally “sat with” these feelings, sensing more and more deeply into their roots, how they sat in my body, and what else they brought up for me.

Eventually I was able to cry. That release felt like hitting the reset button. I felt much lighter. I saw that unless I was willing to leave my relationship I must accept my disappointment fully enough to bring my heart back to love.

I made an inner decision to appreciate the traits and qualities that make me want to remain engaged.

The more I take responsibility for my own needs–including my occasional need for healthy withdrawal–the more I simply and cleanly I am able to ask for what I need. I can adjust if my partner cannot or will not respond the way I want.

I’ve begin to say to myself, “Wow, this is where this person is at, and how things are for them!” wondering about their experience instead of feeling like their actions have to do with me. This attitude is more accepting and objective.

The more skilled we become at meeting our needs, especially the need for emotional safety, the more readily we can tolerate incongruence in others.

But are we willing to?

Before I was able to maintain healthy boundaries and before I was meeting my need for congruence through my link with my Teacher, I preferred being single to partnering with someone incongruent. Now that I can meet those vital needs I have more latitude for tolerance.

I observe that my partner’s behavior demonstrates clear commitment to developing congruence. He does not act out at me when I reflect and communicate from my clarity. He is consistently willing to work on congruence out of his own value for it and out of love.

When we value it, we can catch congruence through relating.

Relationships are powerful mirrors. We can use the context of intimacy to polish our hearts.

Whether a relationship serves us is not really a matter of whether or not it meets our expectations. It is a matter of whether our connection provides a context for us to practice skills and qualities we need to develop in order to be spiritually whole. A relationship has value when it helps motivate us to bring forward these qualities and practice new skills.

Whether or not congruence is a strong preference for you, what degree of congruence do you actually need in relationship?

What do you experience inside if you are exposed to incongruence?

What do you need to strengthen in yourself or to receive from someone else in order to make yourself more comfortable with this experience?

One way to work on yourself is by being present in the body.
Another way is by expanding the heart.
A third way is by quieting the mind.
The wise person finds a way to work on all three at the same time.
(Understanding the Enneagram, 327)

The above quote speaks to developing a state of congruence.

One of my readers sent me the following comment by email, (shared with permission):

“. . . as I was reading today’s article, I had this flash that what I often pick-up on in others is, I think, their ‘lack of congruency.’

Does that sound possible?

It’s as though I get a ‘flash of knowing’ around their wound — that which they wish to keep hidden or ignore. In the past I have allowed this to make me afraid of them (since, as a child, I was hurt by people acting out their issues).

These days I try to tell myself: ‘nobody’s perfect’ and ‘I can take care of myself regardless of their actions.’

I am not yet to the place where I can proffer compassion consistently. The urge to distance myself from them is still strong.

I don’t know if this makes any sense.”

I feel moved by this comment. It strikes close to home.

Over some years, my healers at times suggested that I carefully observe potential partners to notice the extent to which their words and deeds matched. 

I too have been hurt by people, particularly those who did not turn out to be who they presented themselves to be. They were not attempting to deceive me, but were out of touch with themselves and incongruent.

Intuitive people often find incongruent behavior distressing. We keenly sense the discord between mismatched messages.

Isn’t it interesting that we can be so intuitive yet turn away from clear perception about certain people we encounter?

What drives that moment of turning away? We are safer truly seeing others as they actually are than shutting down our awareness out of fear.

Dig in to the fertile soil of such fear. Take care of the parts that feel afraid, and keep your eyes open.
Energy and emotion need to match as well as word and deed.

Noticing the extent to which others are congruent is essential to healthy relating. Internal lack of congruence is expressed in lack of congruence between the various signals we give one another in relationship. We observe what we and others are and are not capable of, and bring our expectations into alignment with what is real. Being aware of people’s wounds allows up to have healthy and realistic expectations instead of projections.

A friend once told me that the primary quality I needed in a mate was “congruence of Being.” I am strong enough now to maintain my sense of myself and of my reality around someone who is not integrated. I gained this strength through the grace of relating to several friends and healers who are truly congruent. These interactions mirrored me to myself without distortion, allowing me to access my interior vulnerability with a newfound feeling of safety.

Before I gained this strength of self I needed to distance others in order to feel safe.

Recognizing this need and gently allowing ourselves to create distance in healthy ways instead of reacting or creating dramas is a good step toward emotional health.

My spiritual teacher is the most congruent person I have ever met. His words, tone of voice, facial expressions, postures, energy, actions, and the emotions that move through him match, utterly and consistently. I trust his authenticity. I usually understand exactly what he means. All signals point the same direction. This is not about being perfect, predictable, or easy to deal with but about being totally real.

Seek out friends, healers and mentors who are authentic and congruent. See how you feel around that influence. When you’re around people who are not congruent, remember what you feel like when you relate to people who really see you. Stabilizing who you know yourself to be in this way will help relax fear of seeing who other people are. This is a compassionate way to take care of yourself.

How do YOU feel around people who are not congruent?

If they throw you off center, exactly what do you need inside in order to feel solid, whole, safe, and able to meet your needs around them?

Conflicts express lack of congruence. What is congruence?

Being congruent means being aligned with yourself without conflict between different internal factions. Congruence is a state of accord.

When our thoughts, feelings, and actions are congruent we are Present and in an integrated state. We do not give mixed, confusing messages to others. We receive clear Guidance.

From an energy standpoint congruence is clean, clear, quiet, and even.

How do we move toward congruence?

Suppression and denial do not work. They lead to self-sabotage. Becoming aware and getting specific about exactly what your conflicts ARE is essential inner work.

Why would part of you want to resist Guidance? Focusing only on the parts of you that WANT it doesn’t help. Subconscious conflict is powerful. It can make the body ill, destroy relationships, and cause us to deceive ourselves.

The key here to to bring these hidden conflicts to light. Then we can make informed choices, and are far more likely to actually follow the Guidance we receive.

When Guidance is unclear it can be useful to go through a number of self-tests to see whether you are interfering, and why. I muscle test myself, and can get clear with this method. If you don’t use a testing technique you can carefully reflect and FEEL your energy, chakra and body response to the statements. Aim for total honesty with yourself.

These pre-tests are a good place to start. Some may sound redundant, but I guarantee the missing the exact phrasing can and does interfere with getting to the bottom of real resistance. The subconscious is tricky, and the statement sometimes need to be equally as convoluted to get an exact match and uproot hidden issues:

• I choose to receive clear Guidance
• I’m willing to get clear Guidance
• I am not willing to allow emotion to distort my Guidance
• I’m unwilling to compromise my Guidance
• I’m willing to accept Guidance
• I’m not unwilling to get clear Guidance
• It’s safe to get clear Guidance (afraid you’ll have to give something up or do something scary)
• I deserve to get clear Guidance (may be that you feel you deserve either more or less than you fear you will get from the situation)
• No part of me is willing to compromise my Guidance
• I have permission to get clear Guidance (part of you has a different agenda and is interfering, or you’re worried about what someone else thinks)
• I am ready to get clear Guidance

While it is important to know about this kind of confusion, you may or may not be called to do the work it takes to master congruence. I took several different full workshops on the topic. There is a lot to it. Learning the basics above can significantly improve your life.

If you are not trying to master Guidance it can be easier to see someone else when you are conflicted. A skilled intuitive with an outside view can often cut right to the point.

Correctly tracking emotional tangles takes practice and self-honesty. For statements like those above to stimulate energy resonance and bring out resistance you need to say it exactly the way the issue is wired inside you. It must mirror the way you get twisted up around the issue. This can produce convoluted sentences with double-negatives.

Okay, how do you clear them after you find them?

When you get them exact, your Being starts to take care of it, if you allow the shift to occur. Self awareness is powerful. It changes energy. If your energy does not shift from self awareness there is usually still something hidden, or another energy blocking you. That may call for assistance from someone else.

Acknowledging these knots and INTENDING to release them goes a long way. If you can also send clear, compassionate energy toward the area in your body that shuts down or tenses up when you react to one of these statements you will be making a huge difference.

Pay attention to the subtle and not-so-subtle releases that occur as these knots let go, opening you to Guidance.

What are YOU tempted by or conflicted about?

How do your mixed feelings impact your ability to receive Guidance?

How do you respond when you discover something about yourself that is not consistent with your self image?