Positive Energy Guide

(Continued . . .)

At the close of the retreat we again sent blessings to one another, and customized them. We were then asked to communicate blessings as completely as possible without using words–in the space of two breaths, before moving to another partner.

To my delight I saw that I was about to pair with B.. Of course, at that point I’m thinking that I’m glad I’ve done a bit of breath training, so I can lengthen those two breaths! Picking my brain as usual, B. stepped up and took two half-second breaths, just to make me laugh. The intimacy of non-verbal humor is one of the greatest joys!

We met soul to soul, smiling, and tracking one another’s breath and energy. In our shared space, we brought our energy way up and out, expanding into bliss but staying grounded, then we washed it from above down and around us into the earth. This experience was vivid, and keen in the moment. It was a delight to share a pure Love, intuitive connection and play.

As always, the group ended by sending the concentrated energy we had generated together and the results of this Work out to All Beings.

Accepting compassion, healing, Love, and blessings makes it possible to serve others without draining ourselves. We all need activities in our lives that allow us to reinvigorate, inspire, and heal ourselves.

Over the course of the retreat L. had marshaled and crafted the energy of the group, sweetening and focusing it. She tenderized and stretched our hearts, then built clean power. And when this power began to crest and flower, banked it back and softened it so it would stay internal instead of spending itself in full expression.

For the group, full participation required resilient silence to maintain the energy and attunement, grounded Presence, synchronization of movement and intention, and a heart-full willingness to surrender the unimportant or irrelevant for a more global shared outcome.

Through breath, through tuning our instruments and voices, through rhythm, through the glance, through trust, and through loving discipline we achieved an extraordinary atmosphere, charged with Love and able to hold all that is human. Listening carefully to change our intonation, volume, movement and expression simultaneously helped hone the group’s ability to shift in a few heartbeats from laughter to the sweet sobriety of sincere and dedicated focus. In moments of inner silence, singing or chanting and moving together felt like being one of the arms of a sea anemone in a gentle ocean of love.

Our acceptance of death, suffering, and global realities, I believe, made the experiences I had possible. Wholeness and total acceptance do not blossom from a standpoint of denial or resistance. Saccharin approaches bring up cynicism for me, as they charge the shared atmosphere with whatever we deny. Purifying the heart by releasing judgment and finding ways to come to love within the realities of life is a more challenging but rewarding process.

Three sassy horses stood by the neighbor’s fence as I left the monastery after the retreat. They looked like they were waiting for me. I had a big fat apple on my passenger seat, which was odd since I usually don’t like apples. I stopped my van and bit off big chunks to parse it out, setting a few on a fence post for one beastie who was so eager I thought I might lose a hand.

Longing for new territory, I headed home through some mountains, finding my map and directions sadly lacking. I pulled over in the middle of nowhere, unsure whether to turn on a forest service road. Within two minutes a ranger happened to drive up. He showed me the way and gave me his own copy of an enormous forest service map. I headed home full and happy.

What do YOU do to fill yourself when life has taken too much of you?

Where do you allow yourself the freedom to be your real self?

(Continued . . .)

Forgiveness and blessing soften, open and release stuck energy.

The next day the retreat group did a Forgiveness Practice, eye to eye, singing: “Please forgive me, for all that I have done and all that I have not done. Please forgive me.” It could have been hokey. The beauty of the music and sincerity of the group made it powerful.

L. encouraged us to approach and sing to anyone in the room who we needed to clear something with, or to allow someone to stand in for a person in our lives or our hearts. Tears came up here and there around the room.

Contemplating this song, my best formulation of what many of us need to say to our best Selves would be: “Please help me to forgive myself for not forgiving myself for all that I am going to do or not do next.”

While a bit lawyerly, this formulation covers that niggling sense that if we forgive ourselves in this moment we might not still be quite up to forgiving ourselves later, and may find ourselves doing the same darned thing!

We need to be able to let ourselves move forward despite shortcomings in not yet being able to sustain our ideals. We need to be willing to forgive ourselves when we fall back. Then can we move forward with the confidence that we can return to grace again if we fall.

Most of the day we did prayerful song with movement–like the one I shared in Part 1, but varying widely in type, intention, and tone.

We shared blessings later that afternoon, starting with some standard blessings: “May you be well and happy. May you be free from pain. May you live in peace. May you return to Love.” After warming up to it we began making blessings up for the person in front of us, giving and receiving, then moving on to someone else. I challenged myself to craft blessings that perfectly fit the inner longing of the person in front of me, such as:

“May you find yourself always around people you can trust, who understand you so you can be totally silly and get to play in joy,” or “May you be recognized for your lovely and unusual gift of congruence between your body, movements, emotions, thoughts and energy.”

The second one brought tears, and the woman later said she had been hoping all her life that someone would notice that about her. It’s an amazing intimacy to connect soul to soul without knowing someone’s personality. We had never spoken with one another before. Her response speaks to how vital it is for us to be ‘seen.’

I had another profound experience that evening. The group, in a long line, doubled back on itself, snaking through the room so some of us would pass face to face. The fleeting glance of one man astonished and transported me. Faster than thought, my heart literally rocked in my chest. I was riveted, yet we had already passed.

What I felt was The Beloved. This had nothing to do with the man as a personality or a body. He was so Present, inwardly silent, and connected to Source that the Divine shone through him at that moment.

I felt a brief confusion. Yes, I wanted the moment back–and forever–but this flash of feeling had nothing to do with anything that could survive a moment of grasping. This was the mystical experience of longing for the Divine. There was no where to look for it but to cultivate it inside myself.

To have mastery over our energy requires assessing our experiences accurately. We are safe to open to deep feeling when we trust our perception and therefore our decisions.

Is there anyone YOU need to forgive, or to receive forgiveness from?

How does thinking about this impact your energy?

(Continued . . .)

Throughout the next day about a quarter of the community approached me with some form of acknowledgment or loving support.

By contrast, I realized that few had come to know me. Since I rarely engage in casual conversation, and going into depth without being casual first can make people take a step back, I was somewhat of a mystery. Only the seers in the group had a good sense of me. My vulnerability had humanized me. An individual might have been overwhelmed, but a group aiming for Love and Wholeness could embrace me. Being accepted by a large group was a new experience for me.

People felt safer around me. Rather than sending out confused energy based on guessing, more people were perceiving me as I am, making their responses easier to receive. It was amazing to be ‘seen’ in the true strength of standing in vulnerability.

A woman I had never spoken with approached and thanked me for what I had done. I asked if she could tell me what she felt I had done and why she was thanking me.

She said: “I admire your courage and willingness to be open and vulnerable with the group. Opening such a deep and complex process gave the group permission to be open, and for us to trust the community too. It showed your willingness to trust us. It allowed the group to go to a deeper level in our work. In a sense, it raised a certain standard.

“It is rare that one is allowed to see that deeply into Beings who are going through that kind of pain and confusion. The way you brought yourself to it and were able to process it was a good example for us. It was also interesting to see the way the leaders were able to stop just when it became enough, and direct the group in a way that they could do what they were here to do, yet also not be separate–with you off over there–but to be involved and sending love.”

Later, another woman said, “Your sharing toward the beginning was a real service to the community. It helped me to get at some things inside too.”

One man said he felt better about his own life knowing someone he looked up to had been struggling. Hmm. Points for honesty?

Almost all of us have been been hurt by groups at some point. Many live in internal isolation. We may not want to burden or overwhelm family or friends, especially if we are their support. Those of us who give a lot know how much our loved ones are carrying too. We don’t know what they might do if we make ourselves vulnerable, or whether they will know how to manage what might come up. We don’t want to be shut down if they cannot make an understanding response, or feel threatened, or tell us to buck up and soldier on.

When we suffer great losses, our grief can also bring up the grief of those with whom we share. If they cannot manage it, they are likely to shut us down. Culturally, we rarely talk in depth about death or suffering. We are rarely encouraged to grieve.

Grieving is a healthy process, which naturally follows love and loss. It serves to clear us out again, to be able to experience joy. When we stuff our grief, we may inadvertently block access to joy.

Do you have people you can talk with freely about loss, death, and suffering?

How do you feel about yourself when you share things that other people have trouble dealing with?

Here is the soundtrack again if you care to hear part of the event as my story of a healing event continues:

A friend on the Path, J., approached me with loving tears on her face. My body began to thrash in a resistive way when she touched me, as if on its own. This was not a release. I love J., but her energy was not going to work for me at that moment. I held my palms out in a universal symbol to back away.

B. remained solid and clear, giving me courage.

J. backed up just outside my fields, grounded herself, and began to pray for me with love, keeping her heart and her glance with me. I was deeply grateful that she understood and accepted my need without making anything up, feeling rejected, or projecting on me. I was greatly relieved that she ‘got it’ and could honor my need for her not to touch me without withdrawing. Her response was truly loving and healing. This touched me more deeply than touching my body could have.

B. said, “Thank you for trusting me to be there for you. It is a privilege to support you.”

S., a lovely and competent therapist, showed up and laid her body across my back. On her knees beside me, she began to sob aloud. I was grateful for her trust, and this deep contact. I felt as if she was crying for us both, and learned later that her current life situation matched parts of my own. I lifted the heat and weight of her long, thick hair from her neck and face, and covered the back of her heart chakra with my hand, to support and connect.

A familiar-feeling hand took one of mine, stretching my arm above me. My new friend, A., pressed acupuncture points in my palm.

Someone calm–P.– grasped my feet, helping me stay in my body. P. put a hand on my sacrum. A jolt like a shock ran through me, jarring my body in a huge spasm. I gripped B. to stabilize my body. I saw from his face and hesitancy that P. was uncertain whether touching my sacrum was supportive. He allowed me to place his hands where I needed them at the moment. As remembered I could ask for what I need I redirected various hands to areas where I needed connection or release energy. My brave supporters were happy to be effective. Now their collective flow activated energy that had been locked inside. It began to release in intense and sudden jolts.

B. stroked my forehead. I pressed my face into his leg or side, pulling gently on my hair to keep my neck aligned so I wouldn’t hurt it as I thrashed. I was trying to relax and let it all happen. “You can throw up on me if you need to,” B. said. I told him I didn’t want to. “But you can.”

A tiny but mighty healer who is also a midwife leapt in and began digging with all of her fingers over my heart, like a small dog scrabbling for a bone. She suddenly grabbed and tore something out from the energy-hole she just dug, flinging it from the building. A cascade of jolts raced through me, buckling my spine and shooting out the top of my head. This release was especially helpful and powerful. I found this intervention oddly comforting and even lyrical.

Later, she told me she was aiming for the pond when she did this “extraction”--and truly hoped no one had been in the way of the energy she threw out. She said this extraction had been done by her inner fox, who assists her when she does healing.

I challenged myself to take in all this support, to let myself feel it instead of trying to get the process over with so people could carry on. I began singing softly with the group between waves of release. This helped me stay with the process without thinking too much. I let myself feel included instead of feeling as if I were interfering with the group process.

As I went through this moment of concern, B. said, “You really didn’t need to go to such lengths to get a little attention from us–you could have just asked for it!” This was his kind of humor, touching my fear gently so I could laugh and let it go.

When the storm had passed he said, “Why don’t you let some of your sisters walk you out to your van and go to bed.” I thanked him and we shared a parting hug. He added, “I’m just glad I thought to tell you to put your head in my lap, and that you trusted me and were able to do it!”

S. and I got herbal tea and had a good talk in my van.

Does part of this story ping something for you?

What comes up, and what does it tell you about yourself?

If not, is there any feeling you resist when read this? 

How are you with receiving support?

Let’s talk about something before I continue my story: When we hear about especially positive experiences, some of us feel shame, inadequacy, longing, or even annoyance.

Almost all of us have issues about being included. Reading about my experiences of healing in group situations may bring up issues for some of you. Alienation, envy, feeling abandoned, etc. can arise when we hear about other people’s connections. If we would like to feel happy for them, we may feel confused if this discomfort comes up.

If someone has connections we long for we may become ensnared in preconceptions about other people’s relationships, recalling previous traumas and losses. Reactions and relationship issues usually originate with early family dynamics. As a teen or preteen, most of us also found trying to fit in painful. Feeling unwelcome in and unvalued by groups hurts.

Like a reflex, we learn to automatically exclude ourselves as a kind of self protection. Self protection isolates us more when we most want to connect. What is called for instead is careful discernment about WHICH groups and individuals to connect with. We also need self-connection and self-nurturing in group situations, and a compassionate sense of when to gently withdraw.

It is my sincere hope that I can transmit a whiff of the healing experiences I’ve been going through, as I share them with you. I am including you!

If something comes up for you when you read about positive experiences, notice what arises. What do they ‘ping’ in you?

Welcome any discomfort and use it as a guide. The nature of your distress will give you clues as to what you need to heal.

Your distress calls out for sweetness and compassion.

Expanding our relationship to love helps extricate us from the mire caused by our histories. There are different types of love. As we open our hearts, we become more inclusive. We learn to allow ourselves to be open to love connections that have little to do with personality or personal relationships. Since our wounds are highly personal, we become open to sharing a Love that is more universal.

In inclusive and healthy spiritual groups, interaction may have little to do with personality. Love connections arise naturally, in the moment– usually without people seeking to secure it into their personal lives. We feel love and connection during an event, and sometimes an ongoing ‘heart connection’ that we enjoy if we see one another. We understand that this has little to do with relationship. We may ALSO develop friendships.

Personal connections take time–and involve karma. Relationships that involve a degree of binding exist for various purposes. They bring up and allow us to work with personality issues.

In spiritual work, the personality is a vehicle for development of the soul.

Those who attend inclusive spiritual events are not exempt from difficult feelings. Some feel intense after-event let-down. Some feel residual longing for heart connection in their daily lives, and feel frustrated in their relationships, or lack of the same.

How to open to love and deal with longing:

• Expand your ideas about what Love is. Acknowledge, recognize and enjoy love connections that are not personal. For example, savor a passing smile shared with a child.
• Notice love you feel for some strangers as you drive by. The more you let Love flow the more connected you will feel to life.
• Let your love have less to do with something personal and exclusive.
• Practice allowing yourself to give and receive love in total freedom, without attempting to create personal relationships unless they feel totally ‘right.’ The kind of love I am talking about does not create binding. It is not personal emotion as much as Cosmic Connection.
• Allow the energy of a loving event to carry forth into your life, using it to fuel any changes you need to make to be more open to love.
• Increase your awareness of people you love and respect with whom you are not in regular contact. Feel your hearts and spirits connecting through links of light that criss-cross the globe.
• Focus your longing for love into your spiritual life.
• Breathe in and out of your heart center.
• Seek to generate spiritual Love and bring it forth from yourself. As we learn to radiate it, we do not experience an absence.

Please feel free to share your thoughts and feelings about this topic.

What comes up for YOU and what do you do you to manage it?

WITH THAT MOON LANGUAGE

Admit something:
Everyone you see, you say to them, “Love me.”

Of course you do not do this out loud,
Otherwise someone would call the cops.

Still though, think about this, this great pull in us to connect.

Why not become the one who lives with a full moon
In each eye that is always saying,
With that sweet moon language,

What every other eye in this world
Is dying to hear?

Hafiz

Since most of us have not had the advantages of working with energy healing in a safe group, I have decided to model ‘positive vulnerability’ and share an intimate set of experiences that occurred at a spiritual retreat. This story takes several posts.

The leaders of this event–L. and B.–generate and focus spiritual energy through the way they manage the group dynamics. While highly spiritual, they encourage wholeness and embrace the difficult aspects of life.

We spent the first day building energy and connection through music, meditation, and prayerful dance, including practices done with a series of partners, with eye contact. As accumulated energy from our practice thrummed in the atmosphere, L. asked us to speak out, in a word or two, our prayers or intentions for the four day retreat. What came out for me was “dissolution” (coming apart). I had been carrying way too much, and had been unable to unwind it from within.

S., a participant who is a psychotherapist, told me later that “dissolution” sounded pretty good amidst all the cheery things people were calling out.

During one session in this yearly retreat, L. and B. invite those who feel called to do so to tell the group if they have been going through an intense life transition. Probably all of us have had multiple group experiences when we did not get appropriate support, and many of us hide our true natures within a group. Having a community witness, accept, and hold us in their hearts as we reveal the burdens we carry silently is especially healing.

I had known for days that I would speak at this point in the workshop. Someone had just shared a painful and demanding life experience. Another woman shared her powerful Inner Work, in tears. As she finished I felt myself lurch to my feet.

Now that the moment had arrived I nearly seized up. I have been rejected plenty for sharing things that were more intense than people wanted to process. One of my hands flew to my mouth like, ‘Oh crap!’ and I said: “I think I’m going to speak,” realizing as I spoke that no one knew where I was coming from.

Suddenly I was shaking so hard it was hard to stand. My stomach knotted hard and bent me forward. My throat threatened to choke off my voice. I managed to summarize my winter of heavy losses, unreasonable and unrelenting demands, fear, pain, and grief, leading to debilitating exhaustion. “That’s not all of it either,” I whispered. I did not intend to go on.

“That’s plenty!” B. said with feeling. “Come here.” He raised a hand and I crept forward. “Put your head in my lap.” I froze, aware of the sixty people in the room. Then I surrendered by focusing on B. alone.

Through the worst of my year I had remembered B.. He sits with people as they die, and teaches caregivers to stand in Presence through pain as life itself breaks apart. I trusted him to be with me without imposing anything, and I trusted L. to take care of the group. Just knowing that I did not have to protect anyone from my feelings and that I could be safe in a group was a minor miracle.

L. gathered the group by saying gently, “Sometimes the best way we can support someone is by carrying on with what we were doing and sending love as we do it.” She led a dance and song of peace and healing, like sweet water through the room. I could feel the group moving as one, and sensed love from those who sent it. L.’s wise and natural response was a comfort.

If you care to, you may listen to the sound track of this tender moment. It is beautiful and powerful. Be forewarned, though, that you will hear a few seconds of sobbing as I was joined by another Beloved in pain. If you allow it, this track can take you deep into your heart–and into acceptance and joy. The energy in it is focused, and the atmosphere charged with blessing and Love. Translated, the words have to do with swimming through oceans of mercy, returning to the Source That is the One Being.

Have you ever been totally vulnerable in a large group without being shamed, suppressed, controlled or limited?

If so, how did it impact you? If not, what comes up when you imagine it?

During a spiritual retreat, I walked to a nearby river with two other women. P. discovered in conversation that have had a strong voice for avoiding gluten cross-contamination at group events. She would not discuss it.

After a short and awkward silence, the second woman, A., said she had been uncomfortable further up the river. She felt disrupted energy in that spot, as if something had happened in the past.

“You mean back by the bridge?” I said. A. nodded. “I noticed the same thing last year. I felt scared there. What did you experience? A number of people, right?”

“Yes. Native American, I think. People died,” she told me.

“That’s what I got too. A fight, by the edge of the river. About six or eight people.” A. put her cute toes in the water and stirred black sand. “Let’s go clear it out? Do you want to?”

A. smiled and stood up, coming almost to my shoulders–tiny but mighty.

As we walked upriver toward the spot I said, “Lots of people get shut down around food issues. I hope P. will still be open with me, since I’d like to get to know her better.”

A. said, “Is this conversation about wanting to be friends with someone and feeling vulnerable?”

I laughed. “Yes, exactly.” A. looked nervous. A small hand had flown to her mouth, as if to keep inside what had already rushed out. I peered down at her and said, “Hey. You don’t have to worry about cutting all the way through to the underlying reality around me–or anything else you may care to say, about me or about yourself. I’m fine with your insight.”

A. melted and embraced me. “Really? I’ve had that before and the people went away.”

“I’m not going to go away,” I said. “We can be open with each other.”

A. extended a soft but strong little hand and we shook on it. We fell into step together with a sense of depth and trust, embarking on an adventure.

Clearing the land did not take us long. Our perceptions matched exactly, and our energy worked well together. A. let me direct her since she hadn’t done this before.

Once we cleared left over energy from a lethal fight on the far bank of the river, A. noticed fear and shock on the near bank. I felt it too. Onlookers had been connected with the people in the fight, and watched them die. We both sensed this, and that several bodies had fallen down the short cliff to the river. The land felt normal to us when we left.

As we walked back to the retreat A. asked how I held my focus in order to do the clearing. I said, “You totally ‘get it,’ and you will be able to do this kind of thing because you have an accommodation that most people haven’t developed. You have the ability to separate the skeins–like clumps of yarn–of your personal emotions and responses from your direct perception of what is outside. This skill is essential to reading energy accurately.

“What I did was to stay with myself, grounded in my body, with part of my perception, and use a second part independently to scan and sense what was going on. When I had you place the scene of the incident inside a bubble, and hold it there, this boundary helped screen out anything irrelevant from the environment and focus perception. Then I felt into what was going on with the energy and accessed Guidance to know what to do to shift the energy.”

Part of that had been inviting the souls involved to forgive, reclaim, and move on, and blessing them with peace. Part of it had been updating something like a time rift on the land, to allow the present to fully penetrate the location of the incident, where had time seemed frozen.

The next day I spoke with a man who had been stuck and confused for a long time. He was unable to separate Guidance from emotional reaction. His lack of discernment made life navigation difficult.

This contrast underscored what I had been saying to A.: Learning to discern and separate personal reaction from perception is crucial for accurate intuitive work.

In what way do YOU need to be able to trust yourself in order to become more confident reading energy?

What do you need to do to develop this trust?

(Continued . . .)

Calibration

I am using “calibration” to describe the process of getting into rapport with another person. We can also calibrate to a group, a source of wisdom such as a spiritual order, an exalted Being, and so forth. These are examples of calibrating to someone or something from which we wish to accept influence. Getting on the same page increases influence, by resonance.

We may temporarily calibrate to someone or something we do not necessary wish to take influence from, in order to increase rapport. During healing work, for example, we calibrate to discover what the other person is experiencing, to serve them with greater empathy. We might calibrate to another person during conflict or negotiation, to increase understanding and speak effectively to the other person’s perspective.

Humility and surrender to the Greater Whole promote successful calibration.

In an interaction of mutual influence, the process of calibration between two people is a dialectic–a back and forth conversation or energy exchange in which each person brings forward his or her truth. We each polish our comprehension and perception by helping one another see his or her blind spots. When calibrated, we tend to view whatever we are discussing similarly, or are at least clear about our differences. Calibration generates mutual rapport.

As we calibrate, the energy, psychology, point of view, context, life pressures and natural modes of expression of each person come into play, to be understood and accepted. We trade perceptions until we feel satisfied that we are both seeing as clearly as we can.

With respect to intuition, we do this process about what we are perceiving. It becomes faster and faster as we become more accurate, until it can be almost immediate.

The more resonance we have between our perceptions and the outer world, the more likely we are to have and recognize moments of direct inner communication.

Intuitive rapport is not mental agreement or supporting one another’s opinions or guesses. Developing it may require getting into the trenches with someone and exploring how you construct your inner worlds. Complete honesty is essential.

Practical examples of direct intuitive rapport:

• A few days ago a friend I hadn’t talked with in a month intentionally brought me two nutritional supplements I currently needed and did not have.
• Yesterday I emailed someone flying in for an event and asked her if she needed anything since I will be driving. She was amazed and grateful, and sent a list.

Commitment to Truth

By commitment to “Truth” I do not mean an idealized view of Truth in an absolute or a religious sense. I am talking about a willingness to surrender concepts, self-concept, and beliefs to an ever-expanding, direct experience of Being, in the present moment. Another way to describe this would be letting go of reaction and biases, and adjusting to the most lucid, coherent, congruent viewpoint available at the current moment.

The Four C’s are practical ways to work with intuition. If you take your intuition seriously and pay attention to it when it comes, it comes more frequently.

Here is a link to 57 biases. It’s useful–although I could add a few! Go over this list and write down the ones that you do yourself.

What is your emotional orientation toward your biases?

Do you feel comfortable with them, feel squeamish about them, judge them, etc.?

Which ones would you relax and reduce to increase your intuition?

Managing your energy well is easier if you are perceiving it accurately. Clear perception depends both on intuition and personal development. The more developed you are the greater your capacity for neutral self-observation. In this context, personal development and objectivity about one’s self are practically synonymous.

Four activities, qualities or orientations form a foundation for reading energy accurately and receiving accurate intuition. These Four C’s, practiced regularly, combine together and are expressed as a natural orientation or set of values from which one approaches intuition.

This orientation includes:

• Courage
• Confirmation
• Calibration
• Commitment to Truth

Courage

Courage is needed to face our inner processes, conditions about life, and habits that bias perception. It takes guts to face feelings, needs, fantasies, misinterpretations, defenses, and uncertainty. It takes guts to face life as it is, and to allow ourselves to reorient flexibly when we have been embroidering on what is So.

We need courage to allow ourselves to make mistakes, and to find out for sure whether or not we have made them, when finding out is possible.

Courage depends to a large extent on how our bodies are functioning.

We rarely feel courageous if we are dizzy, exhausted, unstable on our feet due to structural misalignment, or in prolonged pain. Brain fog is a symptom of brain inflammation. Since inflammation is both a root cause and a result of most physical maladies, avoiding allergens and toxins and getting plenty of fresh, wholesome foods contributes to clarity, courage, and accuracy of intuition.

“Intestinal fortitude,” has to do with the courage to take on life. Sometimes we need to increase our intestinal fortitude by taking care of our intestines, and our adrenals. Adrenals are depleted by stress. Whether from life challenges, allergens, or injuries, stress contributes to inflammation and exhaustion.

When we lack the courage to make life changes or to face issues, we may take care of ourselves poorly. This creates a vicious cycle by reducing confidence. Gently starting where we are and doing the best we can as we get stronger turns this cycle the other way, gaining energy and courage. Then insight and change become not only bearable but exciting.

If you are serious about developing intuition, practice kindness and compassion for your body.

Confirmation

This quote is from my second spiritual teacher, when I was twenty-one: “Always test your intuition against the stark actualities of everyday life.” Confirmation is the process of doing just that.

Confirming hunches, intuitions, and perceptions is absolutely essential to developing confidence and insight over time.

There are many ways to check actualities, depending on the situation. Lab tests, for example, are one good way to confirm medical intuition. Anything we can do to confirm intuition with actuality serves its clarity and development.

When intuition involves another person, we can often confirm by checking with them. This type of phrase supports confirmation:

• “I’m noticing that . . . What do you notice?”
• “Is it just me, or is the energy . . . .?”
• “I’m feeling an energy in the room that is like . . .”
• “Does it seem to you that . . .”
• “I felt your energy at 6:30 today. Were you thinking of me?”

Some people will not be aware of things we are trying to confirm. It is therefore of great service to cultivate friendships with intuitive people you can run things by, to compare notes. Checking your intuitions with skilled professionals is also a great advantage.

How do YOU confirm your intuitions?

What increases your courage?

Making assumptions disregulates your energy. It sets you up to respond to things are not actually happening, taking you out of energy rapport with your actual environment and the people in it. 

Think of this like being certain you’re at the bottom of a flight of stairs when there’s one more. Stepping forward with this assumption throws your body out of kilter with your environment. You may lurch or fall. Your muscles and nerves are not set for the correct response. The same kind of disorientation occurs in your energy and emotions when you are out of synch with your environment. 

Making assumptions impacts the people around us. Based on faulty data, we send out incorrect messages. These incorrect messages cause confusion, making otherwise simple things into work. Identifying and straightening out faulty data takes extra energy and it takes more time to clarify expectations and get on the same page.

In leaving for a distant event, a woman assumed that someone she knew could also ride with the acquaintance who would be driving. When everyone arrived there was no room in the car. The driver showed up with two other people and their luggage. Sorting this out caused everyone stress and made them late.

Making assumptions is the opposite of discernment or intuition–and actually blocks both from occurring. Intuition checks things out, remains sensitive to them, and stays open to input. Intuition is like full-body active listening. It fosters connection, communication, and compassion. It is direct perception.

Assuming shuts down Sensing. It involves not looking, not checking, not asking, not hearing or hearing incorrectly, and/or not wondering. Instead of learning something new, we impose a mental overlay onto what we see. With a head full of this overlay, we are likely to miss what is going on. This overlay takes the place of direct perception. Assumptions thrive on misinterpretation. They lead us down false paths, diminish rapport, and reduce close contact with others. Assumption has an isolating effect.

Assuming also leads to presuming– imposing on others without checking in or being aware of their needs and preferences. One may make plans and decisions that involve someone else without asking necessary questions, like inviting oneself to stay at someone’s house without asking if it works for them or whether they have plans.

Entitlement is assumption on emotional steroids. The person who is ‘supposed to’ give usually feels obliged and without choice. For most of us it is awkward to have to shatter someone’s illusions and disappoint them in order to have a choice about what and whether we give. Confronting assumptions or entitlement can be a lot of work. Feeling forced to either do this uncomfortable work or give what we have not offered invites resentment.

How do you feel when someone assumes you will do something without asking you, or feels entitled to your time, money or energy?

We all make some assumptions. That can’t be completely eliminated–but reducing it to a bare minimum is an advantage to Awakening.

Assumptions become a real problem if one resists input in order to maintain them. Drawing baseless conclusions instead of staying open to what life is offering can be a way to close out life, or an attempt to control it. Resistive ignorance invites painful awakenings. 

Habitual assumption can be seen as a psychological defense against reality, like living in a fantasy world. This behavior can stem from anxiety. We may make assumptions out of fear about what reality holds, preferring the illusionary and temporary stability of believing in a guess over the real uncertainty of opening ourselves to find out what is going on. Of course, it’s easier and more practical to just look or ask, but anxiety can make us doubt our perception and feel scared to ask.

Sometimes I make assumptions about how people feel about me. I get scared. Then it’s hard to ask how they really feel. Last week I felt distress because someone I admire didn’t respond to emails or calls for months. I assumed he was uncomfortable with me. The next time I saw him, he sat by me in a group after giving me a big hug. When I’m not concerned what someone thinks of me it is much easier to perceive where they are coming from.

Did you ever disqualify yourself from getting to know someone because you think you might not be good enough? I know I have. 

We need to remember that others disqualify themselves from us too. They may be stuck in assumptions about how we feel about them. 

What do YOU make assumptions about?