Positive Energy Guide

Times of change are exciting and invigorating to the extent that we use them to make meaningful discoveries, adjustments, and connections with others. The ways we respond to change depend at least as much on how we position ourselves internally as it does on our life situation.

Using the energy of change to transform depends on the way we manage our moment-to-moment experience.

How do we get from living our lives like business-as-usual to engaging fully with profound change? Strong energy signals that wake us up to the possibility or necessity of change usually take the form of some type of discomfort. These signals alert us that something different is going on. How we experience, embrace and respond to these signals is paramount. If we ignore, misinterpret, or shut them down we cannot use them for intentional transformation. Change will still occur, but with less awareness. We have more choice and possibility when we put ourselves in concert with the changes.

One way that intuitively sensitive people get clear is to ask ourselves: “What is my own in the energy, and what belongs outside of me?”

This is a great place to start when we feel strange. It is, however, easy to misinterpret uncomfortable sensations from the outer world as some sort of energy invasion. When world changes are intense, the energy fields around our bodies go through changes too. And why not? The relationship of the earth itself to its magnetic poles changed a bit with the tsunami. The government has had to change GPS settings. We really aren’t separate from all that.

Initially, during intense world changes, when I felt the fields around my body going through strange changes I had to really pause and evaluate what was happening. Like others experienced in working with energy, I went through a mental checklist to rule out common types of energy interference. I’m talking about the kinds of influence sensitive people take on from others. For example, when someone is throwing anger at you from a distance, pulling on your energy out of neediness, or projecting onto you issues they are unable to acknowledge in themselves, you may sense this energy coming at you and feel invaded. Even those who are fairly skilled may not find it easy to check our own subtle energy when our energy systems are compromised.

After ruling out the usual suspects I discovered that the fields around me were going through the equivalent of being stretched and thinned in places and pulled different ways, like a pizza crust in the hands of a chef.

As we become more sensitive and also more connected with the entire world our energy goes through changes. Unfamiliar sensations occur. These sensations are not totally unfamiliar, so we initially interpret them according to what we already know. We are unable to interpret them based on what we are not yet familiar with, so we make our best attempt. It is essential to stay open to new possibilities and to stretch toward new understanding.

Here are some unusual sensations that may occur when our fields are stretched, pulled and impacted by world changes. Some feel similar to energy invasion:

• fields feeling wispy, or weak
• disproportionate tiredness, which may feel like being drained
• bouts of dizziness
• nightmares
• periods of disorientation, brain-fog, or inability to focus
• inconsistent motivation
• sadness, shame, anger with yourself or others; the showing up of really old issues or inner wounds
• restlessness
• inability to access usual channels of guidance
• sense of losing your bearings or that life tools no longer work
• feeling that there is something in your fields that doesn’t belong or hasn’t been there before

Mental and emotionally you may feel:

• Nothing applies or makes sense
• Doubt
• Wondering whether we made a mistake
• Handling stress poorly
• Feeling unhappy with what you’re doing or like leaving your current circumstances
• Situations we have put up with for years may feel intolerable
• Strong desire for change, perhaps with no idea what to create
  
  This type of sensation may come and go. When the cause is energy it’s important to remember that nothing is wrong. As you relax and adjust the sensations pass. Kind self-care is the best plan. 

  In Post 6 we’ll explore the relationship between dynamic, changing energies and responsibilty, following in Post 7 with compassionate responses and actions that help us stay balanced through times of major change.

  How does monumental world change impact YOUR day-to-day energy?
  What do you do to increase your inner balance, clarity, or ease?

   

   

   

   

It makes perfect sense that intuitive people respond more to global events. We feel them. If you think about it, you will see that intuitive people, when other factors are the same, go through life changes more quickly than average. Seeing through into what is going on, and being able to grasp the life lessons within situations and relationships makes for a faster response.

We all say “I’m not going to do THAT again” sometimes. Intuition increases your ability to tell at the start whether a situation is actually new or THAT again. If we THINK it is different but it is not, we stay stuck. If we think it is the same and it is not we remain rigid with respect to it–defensive—and do not engage in it and grow. It follows that flexible, intuitive people grow faster. This accelerates life changes.

Speedy life changes are not particularly comfortable. Poise through change demands spiritual detachment and works-over the ego as we become self-aware through new experience. This is hugely true during transformation. So when the world is changing quickly, those of you sensitive, positive people who are looking for constructive ways to improve your lives and the world are often uncomfortable.

In response to the world changes, those of us who are able, are becoming more open to compassion, more aware of others, and keener to the preciousness of life. We long to use our hours and days for something truly meaningful. Uncertainty about the potential duration and quality of our lives makes transformation a much more immediate goal than it is in times of inner peace. These choices accelerate the pace of change even more.

The process of becoming aware IS exposing. Consider the first post of this series, with the list of personal traits and issues that pop into awareness as awareness expands.

Another reason some feel exposed is a side-effect of feeling so directly connected with the rest of the world. It’s as if we can no longer effectively hide out at home to get a break from external energies. One highly intuitive client said she felt “very exposed and vulnerable.” She found some relief in long periods of time alone.

A lot of energy-sensitive folk are spending periods in isolation lately. As one highly-aware friend put it, “I’ve had a few days where I’d just as soon take a beating as pick up the phone.” I could relate, even if I could not indulge.

Feeling vulnerable runs the gamut between wondering whether one will still have a house, a job, a family, our health, or a life by the time the world quits bucking, to feeling floating anxiety in resonance with the pervasive and ambient feelings of others. This is in addition to our internal, personal response to major change. If the way that you receive internal guidance is also in flux, you may have intermittent access to the clarity on which you usually rely.

I will take up the topic of inner guidance and life direction in some subsequent posts. The next post details specific experiences energy-sensitive people experience when planetary changes sweep the globe.

If you can use this period of change to transform YOUR life, what would you like to create?
What is precious or meaningful to you?
Can you see a way to aim yourself toward what you value, using the current disruption to your advantage?

The same energies that are actively altering our physical and societal world are of inestimable use for transformation and awakening.

Energies that stimulate profound change can cause restlessness and exhaustion. Alterations to our personal energy require energy to adjust to and assimilate.

As we explored in Part 1 & 2, we are not immune to the energies that change the planet.

Energies that cause radical change make us want to change too. We are less willing to tolerate situations—in the world and in our personal lives—that go against what we feel is right. We may be less likely than usual to tolerate restrictive or annoying circumstances.

When specific types of energy are prevalent, we tend to drum up a feasible story in order to make sense of our experience. As an energy worker I observe that when certain types of energy are around-and-about at a planetary level, a large percentage of clients show up distressed about related emotions and sensations. When fiery energies are taking place clients come in angry and frustrated–and find a “reason” in their lives to explain.

Sometimes we simply search through our experience for a supposed “reason” to make sense of what we are experiencing. Other times the ambient energies add fuel to the fire of what we already have burning.

Anxiety is usually easy to find “reason” for. Spacey energies may be more challenging to explain away, unless someone has been missing out on sleep. Knowing “what is going on”—even if the explanation does not acknowledge the primary cause—is easier for most of us to deal with the great unknown. Consider the way superstitions have seemed safer than the fearful void of having no idea WHY.

Carolyn Myss describes trauma as “A trauma is something that has happened to you that your reason cannot understand.”

“Our myths are being dismantled.” This trauma calls us into transformation.

Carolyn goes on to observe that “Spiritual Awakening is a trauma.”

I have been discussing these formulations with clients and friends, who find them enlightening. In this blog series I expand on these useful observations, extending them into the context of “subtle” energy. (I used quotes because some of the energy these days is not so subtle.)

The first step is . . . backward.

Step back and notice the connection between the world situation and your personal experience. While obvious if we really think about it, most of us initially do not connect the dots between World and Self when we feel out of whack. Personal and Universal are customarily viewed as opposite categories. Culturally, we rarely link them. Even the fact that these polar experiences are becoming mixed together in our experience carries an element of trauma. It’s a breakdown of an old worldview.

Questioning faith goes along with the territory in the process of transformation. Alterations to core beliefs is almost always somewhat traumatic, particularly when loved ones cannot support changes we are called forth to integrate into new life expressions.

A clear-sighted and intuitive friend said, “I feel that old ways are dissolving around me.”

An energy-sensitive client describes her experience: “It’s like being pulled out of one world into another and all the rules change—and you have to figure them out. You don’t know what they are until you bump into them.”

You have to figure basic things out instead of simply living into them as we do with established structures and habits. This takes focus and energy. At the same time your ability to focus may be compromised by odd shifts and changes, and alterations in the ways we perceive guidance. Part of the trauma is not knowing how—or whether–to respond at a practical level.

Radical change takes energy. Your energy fields, meridians, and subtle energy structures take time to accommodate and assimilate these changes. The vast majority of people who walk through my office door have been unaccountably exhausted. The effort of trying to understand the incomprehensible can be draining.

I think it is safe to say that the majority of people on the planet are having some serious concerns at this point, whether it is about rising water levels, water pollution, banking, housing, employment, war, or planning ahead. We are becoming aware of our vulnerabilities collectively. This is reflected in our personal experience.

In Part 4 we’ll explore specifics about global change and energy-sensitive or intuitive people.

What are YOU learning about yourself and the world during this time of change?
What do you feel is important for you to create, achieve or release in your life while you have a chance?

How do the changes going on in the world impact our personal energies? We think about housing, money, oil, water, food, and pollution. Let us also begin to consider the subtle impacts of monumental and global change:

Conversations with clients and friends are revealing to me that most of us underestimate the extent to which we are impacted by world events. Changes that impact our personal energy fields are highly subjective–yet more important than one may think at first glance.
If you have a home, a job, and your family is okay you may not recognize the extent to which world changes impact your day-to-day experience.

Changes in the world we live in present new choices. Small changes such as banking options or Facebook format do not rock our world—until they accumulate speed and combine with enormous world changes. Constant change in simple things we have taken for granted can cause overwhelm and over-stimulate us.

“Choices equal change.” (Carolyn Myss) Change forces choice. As our available options change our previous choices are no longer available. We have to rethink things. Here again we see the circular relationship between transformation and awareness, since having to make new choices makes us more aware.

When internal changes–no matter how vague or undefined–challenge basic assumptions about the world this is a type of trauma. (See Part 1)

Think of a time when you were really hungry and absolutely nothing you could find seemed fit to eat. You might feel really stirred up and restless. Feeling a need and having no idea how to satisfy it is, in a very minor way, a kind of trauma.

Have you ever discovered that something you believed in wholeheartedly or took for granted was untrue? Your realization may have taken the form of a betrayal, loss, disillusionment, or the failure of a system, like a religion or the legal system. Situations that force us to rethink everything, wondering where we went wrong and why unimaginable things have happened are traumatic. They throw us into uncertainty and confusion and disrupt our sense of stability.

The severity of trauma does not depend on external factors. When I was raped at 19 the worst part was that the legal system let the guy go. Rape had been verified at the hospital. I had been robbed, and police told me the rapist had assaulted other women but the case was dismissed. Discovering that society allows this and feeling unsafe all the time were infinitely more painful to assimilate than the physical event. I had to work with this disillusionment for years.

Things we do not understand cause a degree of trauma. Some adopt belief systems to make sense out of experience. If these belief systems collapse we feel intense trauma. Right now we do not understand what is happening in the world and many do not feel safe.

Culturally we are accustomed to leaving the world outside our doors, peeping now and then via technology, which we could turn off at will. Technology now streams into our homes on the airwaves. We can turn off our myriad technological linkages, but cannot insulate ourselves. The actual energy of world-rocking events comes through our walls with the same ease as wireless technology, radio waves, ionized air, radiation, and innumerable yet-to-be-defined influences that connect us. That the world is all One is not spiritual rhetoric. It is molecular fact. We are steeped and stewing in the changes that rock the world.

Impacts to our personal energies differ depending on the specific frequencies of the energies that flood the earth. Forces and frequencies real enough to cause sun spots, solar flares, aurora borealis, earthquakes, volcanoes, flooding, extreme weather, and tsunamis can and do impact human energy fields. The manner and extent to which we are impacted depends on our unique personal balance, resilience, sensitivity, strengths and weaknesses, chemical and nutritional composition, stress level, and so forth.

We are not the same. Some of us thrive when others decline from stress. The stronger the influences, the more of us feel stress. Current influences are very strong. Even if you are someone who thrives during massive upheaval and change you know and love others who do not. Through bonds of compassion and the energies that link us with those we care about we are bound to feel something. Energy-sensitive people who resonate with those in trauma mirror that distress.

In Part 3 and 4 we go on to explore exactly what you might be experiencing and how you can use your experiences to enhance your life.

How sensitive are YOU to events that impact Earth?
Which kinds of change impact you the most?
How does your sensitivity show up for you?

In this post series we explore the way major world change impacts energy-sensitive people.

“Spiritual Awakening is a trauma.” I was surprised, intrigued, and inspired to hear this comment from the spiritual thought leader Carolyn Myss.

Some of you may need definition and background for the rest of the series. Let’s jump right in and define my use of terms so the rest of the series will be smooth sailing:

Transformation means moving quickly into and stabilizing within a more-inclusive state of awareness. (My definition for this context.)

“Awakening means becoming aware of our relationship to power.” (Carolyn Myss)

Huh? Okay, that threw me too when I first heard it. It takes a bit of thought because it’s such a tight summary. I’ll unpack it, the way I see it. The list below refers to experiences that we may lose power to or attempt to have power over.

Awakening/Self-awareness involves becoming aware of:

• all emotions, including so-called negative emotions
• wounds to self-esteem and how we compensate
• the extent to which we use possessions, roles, or positions to define ourselves
• how honest we are able to be with about who we are
• how we manage our personal needs in relation to others, such as whether and why we give up parts of ourselves in an attempt to secure intimacy
• any posturing we do to try and control our image and the way others view us
• hidden motivations and unconscious drivers that influence how, when and why we attempt to get what we want
• what we are willing to give up to get what we want or to be right
• how our energy and body language communicates needs and requirements to others
• our degree of willingness to use force or impose our will
• our level of moment-to-moment awareness about the way our self-assertion impacts others

The state of being spiritually awake includes being awake to what we are up to and why. Awakening is the opposite of denial. Full self-awareness and presence in the moment require awareness of the above.

Confronting and assimilating the initial realizations that accompany self-awareness takes tremendous compassion and the ability to observe neutrally, without condemnation. As we explored in the Forgiveness Series, compassionate acceptance is key. Our patterns run for cover into the unconscious instead of remaining available to view unless we are able to bring forth love in the face of them. Once we are able to do this for ourselves we can also view the same behaviors in others without withdrawing love.

Considering this list you can see the role authenticity and humility play in Awakening. In a very real sense, full authenticity IS personal power. The power to be fully one’s self is far greater than false power associated with domination and control.

Authentic power includes awareness of what we are serving from moment to moment. Unconscious patterns allow the Shadow (unconscious) elements to drive.

In psychology we pursue understanding to better our life, using a rational approach to feeling and motivation, often by looking for answers in our personal pasts. We are, however, much more than the sum of our pasts.

In spirituality, we seek to expand awareness through heart-centered, intuitive and energy-based methods of connecting with the Greater Whole. The Self-knowledge of Awakening transcends distinctions and categories.

Transformation causes and is caused by self-awareness. This circular aspect makes it massively powerful, again relating transformation with power. Awareness confers a greater range of choice—an element of power. 

Transformation occurs as we become more Awake to who we really are. As we Wake Up our interior contents begin to come to light. The process of Waking Up can and will reactivate unresolved traumas. Being awake includes familiarity with and deep acceptance of our inner wounds. Whatever we resist seeing in ourselves is a pocket of Sleep.

No doubt you have heard of supposed-spiritually-advanced persons who abuse power in one way or another. It is a daunting challenge to fully know ourselves and to achieve a significant degree of mastery over our baser impulses. Again: Judging ourselves and holding ourselves to perfectionist standards makes the issues we need to accept go into hiding, giving them power. Gradual, compassionate awareness over time is the best plan.

Right now the world is Waking and shaking us. What happens when we start to Wake Up more quickly than we are prepared to assimilate?

In Part 2 & 3 we will explore a subtle-energy perspective of trauma. We will look at how and why monumental world change impacts those of us who are sensitive to energy.

Related Posts: If this Post seems dense the Inner Work Series supplies background. Find by clicking numbered pages below.

Good questions (from Carolyn Myss):

“What is it in your life that you allow to have authority over you?”
“What part of your life are you willing to give up to make that [higher awareness] happen?”

Positive people who have not experienced or do not accept emotional pain radically limit their ability to include and support others. This story shows how social contexts can suppress inner wounds:

One of my most vivid memories from seventh grade involves a lovely young man, a Christian in my singing class. He came from a loving, intact family. One day he made an overture to me, to join in an after-school activity. I remember vividly the intense sensations that passed through me and the aftermath of this tiny moment. His eyes were so happy, so full of light. I so much wanted to join him. I actually sensed IN and THROUGH him his family and community support, and how loving they were to one another. I hesitated in terror that they would reject me, and asked a few questions to try and find out if I were truly welcome as myself. The light faded from his eyes. He did not meet me as I was. I could see the shroud of “other” settle between us. It felt like becoming a non-person.

Over the next few weeks I turned this event over in my mind. I realized at some point that his group was looking for recruits. They wanted me to believe something. Part of me wanted to believe it because I thought it might make me happier. I watched. What I saw struck me deeply. I noticed that the people in that group turned away from any expression of distress, however subtle.

I almost judged them for dismissing the people who needed them most. Then I realized that they simply were not equipped to deal with anybody who did not come from the same mold. They had great hearts and intentions. But they lacked depth. Their lack of depth diverted their compassion to the extent that they had no idea whatsoever that they were exclusive and closed to people who were in pain, people they could help.

I am not saying this is true of Christian groups in general. I am saying that the same thing happens, to a lesser or greater extent if more subtly, at a cultural level. Those who have not experienced suffering are generally incapable of compassion for those who hurt. And why not? It is not in their realm of experience.

I thought about that young man on and off in the course of my life. I wondered how he unfolded, whether he ran toward the arrogance of assuming that his way was better and isolated himself within his comfort zone, or whether his lovely heart gradually opened him to new people and experiences. He could have gone either way.

Those who come from families who seem to “have it all” and do not have a heart focus as his did often become hardened to feeling and focus on external attainment. Their children tend to lack compassion and even look down upon those who are in pain—and themselves when THEY are in pain.

Serious competition is not compatible with compassion. When we get caught up in trying to be better than others they become heads to walk over. This is an extreme state of ego with the wounds hidden and denied. It’s all about the outside.

Even being ‘all about other people’ can become an ego defense. It can be another way of being all about the outside. Those who study what it takes to please others and do it in order to avoid pain by securing love for themselves have not processed their wounds. They may have authentically loving natures and values. In general they get by well in the world. They may even get by in close friendships with clearly defined roles. Profound intimacy challenges people who use this defense because it goes beyond roles, brings up wounds for healing, and requires receptivity.

Forgiveness asks of us to feel first what is going on inside and to understand that others too are molded by life circumstances and conditions.

How do YOU feel around people who are in pain?
Are you able to be present with them, or do you turn away?
What do you tell yourself about people you perceive as being better than or not as good as you are?

Why learn about inner wounds? Simply being able to see and talk freely about the things that hurt frees and relieves us. Understanding wounds in a container of forgiveness is a big step toward wholeness, authenticity, and relaxed Presence.

We need to be able to go into the wounds in loving contexts so that when we end up in them by accident we can get back out. Those who feel intact certainly have loved ones who can use their understanding. So let’s explore the wounded state as it relates to self-forgiveness.

Here is how we start blaming ourselves:

As children we think there must be something wrong with us when others are unloving toward us. We blame ourselves, often to protect ourselves against being blamed by our parents—which is more frightening. Parents, partners, or even strangers don’t withhold love from you because of YOU, they withhold love because of THEM. Their own self-blame–and denial of it—closes their hearts.

These are the sort of things we need to forgive ourselves for:

• turning away from the love we need
• withholding love from ourselves or from others
• making choices that do not nourish our wellbeing

In addition to acts that have caused pain, our lapses in self care, sabotage of intimacy, over-giving, selfishness, blame for things we cannot control, and attempts to control things better left to grace express and aggravate the wounds we long to leave behind.

Here are some examples of traits that result:
Perfectionism, brittleness, inflexibility, projecting denied traits onto others, coldness, saccharine “niceness,” a holier-than-thou stance, resisting rather than accepting the shadow side of life, and so forth. These are ego defenses. They “protect” our sense of identity from material we are not yet able to deal with. These behaviors keep us simultaneously avoiding and replaying the wounds hidden beneath. We’ve all got some. Different personalities demonstrate such traits according to our natures and the way we react to painful circumstances.

Wounds–and their pet issues—take on expression through our actions and interactions. The way these wounds and issues impact our emotions and behavior separates us from feeling deeply connected—with ourselves and with other people. Separating ourselves emotionally from other people is as simple as rejecting a compliment or feeling uncomfortable receiving love. We shut it out—and at some level blame ourselves for it because we know we are doing it.

Going deeply into the wound without resisting it allows you to eventually gain full confidence that you can manage it. Skirting around it, intellectual analysis, giving it power by fearing it, and otherwise denying or avoiding keeps us stuck. Successfully climbing out of the wound-pit a number of times, with full awareness, can make it possible to clamber right back out any time we find ourselves in that pit again.

Olive Branches at Retreat

The pattern that makes it hardest to forgive ourselves is being hard on ourselves for being hard on ourselves. The illusion that we can and should control our feelings is persistent—and toxic. We do have social needs to manage BEHAVIOR. We feel what we feel inside, and address it with compassion when we can. Judging ourselves for feeling things we don’t like to feel, like self-sabotage, creates a vicious circle between self-blame and non-ideal behaviors. The patterns operate similarly whether they involve self-abuse or just wishing we were different than we actually are. It’s just more subtle.

Perfectionism is a common defense against an active Inner Critic. It doesn’t work. Holding a positive ideal is only as positive as we are compassionate to ourselves. If we are self-critical even the most positive ideal can become a measuring stick or a lash.

In psychology of abused children, the passive parent who did not step in to stop the abuse is usually harder to forgive than the abuser. For the same reasons we find it hard to accept that our own self—who should absolutely be the one to care for us and keep us safe—creates, accepts, allows, endures or condones the things in our lives that cause us pain. Like the passive parent, we do our best given our own fear, dissociation, social conditioning, and survival skills. We, like others, close down and get defensive when we treat ourselves to harshness.

Part 3 of Inner Wounds explores the habitual self-criticism and self-blame that can make us defensive. If we can unmask and accept these patterns, healthy self-love and true forgiveness become accessible.

Are YOUR positive ideals rooted in your real values, or in self-criticism?
What motivates you to contribute to others?

Forgiving ourselves opens the heart, softens us to love, relaxes our bodies, allows us to ease into greater wisdom, tolerance, and emotional maturity.

What do we need to forgive ourselves FOR?

When I arrived at the retreat (described earlier in this post series) I would not have placed the need to forgive myself at the top of my Inner Work to-do list. My self-talk is almost consistently constructive. As the retreat process unfolded I began to sense directly how critical I tend to be of myself. Unlike my earlier years, this criticism no longer comes up in the form of self-recriminations, beating myself up with words, or self-punishment.

New archeological layers pop up when we are ready for the next-deeper step in the spiral dance of healing. My new layer disclosed itself through observing: Subtle hitches in breath, twinges of tension, whether or not I chose eye contact, who I dared hug, which people I tended to avoid, my excuses for avoiding them. I noticed that I expect myself to be unequivocally loving to all people at all times—and absolutely authentic at the same time.

When I judge, withdraw, flinch from feeling someone’s imbalanced energy or psychic debris, or decline contact when someone wants my attention I feel somehow remiss or insufficient. This was not close to the first time I noticed these patterns. It was one of the first times I SAT with it–literally as well as figuratively–with full feeling and no diversions. For days. The silence and Zen sitting interspersed with heart-opening practices was powerful.

Some of this discussion gets tough as we dive into issues central to forgiveness. Please bear with me. Even if you do not feel it applies to you, it may help you understand loved ones.

Our Inner Wounds
Forgiveness takes on a whole new depth and dimension when we can apply it directly to our inner wounds.If we turn away from our wounds we cannot bring in the balm of forgiveness to the places inside where we most need it. Why is it that so many of us seem to need forgiveness for having been hurt?

• we generally have some responsibility in the choices that led to being hurt
• we may not have done everything in our power to heal our wounds
• wounds cause us to act in ways we would rather not act
• we may feel shame about being unable to change these behaviors

The ability to NOTICE your wounds and how they impact your behavior takes courage, insight, and love.

When we fully accept them wounds are like old friends. Why friends? Our wounds show us where and how we need to heal. They invite us to be fully intimate and accepting toward ourselves, like only a dearest friend can do. Wounds have their own eloquent language. They speak of soul purpose. It is by following them into our core and melting them with love that we gain the precious prize of self knowledge, awakening.

Olive Branch at Retreat

Wounds almost always have to do with separation: Separation from self (abandoning ourselves or dissociating), separation from Self (remaining in ignorance), separation from family through estrangement, separation from loved ones owing to our issues, separation from special people we lack the courage to love, separation from community, separation from the Divine.

Most of us find it easier to forgive others than to forgive ourselves.

In Part 9 we explore why it can be so hard to forgive ourselves.

Where did YOUR inner wounds originate?
What do you gain from through them?

I have met a number of persons able to produce genuine positive emotion at will. Advanced guides understand that we do not arrive at a state of wholeness or Oneness by suppressing or glossing over difficult emotions. Authentic positive feeling rests on being able to experience the entire range of emotions—without becoming identified with them.

What does it mean to experience emotions without becoming identified? This means that when we feel a feeling we do not say 
“this is how I am” or “this is who I am.” We just experience it and let it flow by, like one does with thoughts during meditation or Zen sitting. We continue to be human. We just get better at moving through and out of difficult emotions because we’re not making a big deal of them. We have given up resisting them. Getting to forgiveness, joy and compassion is about being able to ALLOW and RECEIVE them, not to manufacture. Forgiving ourselves is a great second-starting point. The first place to begin is with the ability to be vulnerable.

Positive Vulnerability and Forgiveness
In the realm of intimacy with Self, others, and spirit, vulnerability means access. Without vulnerability we have no access. This is especially true for anything we may learn directly by experiencing energy or receiving intuitive input. Vulnerability allows energy to penetrate us. All that lies ‘Within’ and ‘Beyond’ require access to us in order for us to have access to them. This applies equally to feeling the energy of a loved one, receiving guidance of any sort, allowing compassion in, allowing one’s self to be forgiven, and experiencing the flow of forgiveness within and through our bodies. Being open and vulnerable to the involved energies provides access.

If this does not bring up the question of boundaries—it should. As a person with profound capacity to feel and “read” energy, I speak a lot about boundaries. Boundaries of different sorts counterbalance the intense vulnerability of being sensitive to energy. Boundaries allow for balance and even for sanity when it comes to knowing what is a part of you and what is not. At some levels of experience everything IS a part of us. At others, we need to be able to identify exactly what belongs to us and what does not. Energy awareness and boundaries go hand in hand.

We connect with the world larger than personal identity and vaster than our limited beliefs by opening to experiences that are beyond what we know ourselves to be. This opening involves vulnerability.

In the everyday world we usually use the word vulnerability to describe a state of being unprotected and unsafe. The trick to intimacy with the world beyond our skins–and our defenses–is to learn how to feel safe enough inside ourselves that we can be vulnerable to life in a positive way. I’m talking about letting in love. I’m talking about being open to learning things that do not fit with our old set of beliefs. I’m talking about allowing compassion to overtake us, getting tears in our eyes when we hear something beautiful, and being deeply moved by gestures of kindness. Positive vulnerability is a real asset.

Defense closes us off to intimacy. We need not choose between being a brick wall or a living target. Sensing and honoring our needs for boundaries can assist both overly-open and overly-closed individuals. Those who tend to close others out can practice trusting their ability to close as needed—and hazard greater openness. Those who tend to be super-open need to make sure their choices involve compassion for themselves, not just for others. Knowing ourselves well enough and getting adept with boundaries support a sense of inner safety. These skills—accelerated by addressing our emotional wounds—make healthy openness possible. Emotional armor is deadening.

So how do we begin to peal off that armor? The rest of this post series is designed to make doing so more comfortable.

Self-forgiveness is key.

How and when have YOU experienced Positive Vulnerability?
How did you feel?

Tiny incidents can cry for forgiveness as powerfully as the monumental issues we touched on in the last few posts. Trivial-seeming events make up our lives from moment to moment. When we need forgiveness we are not fully present to life.

In Post #3 of this series I mentioned two types of issues that I considered “claims against myself that called for further development of the spiritual heart”. The last two posts discussed the monumental sort. Now we start on the “trivial-seeming” set. These issues surfaced during the spiritual retreat as I became highly sensitized to any expressions of having an ego. Ego, in this context, simply means thinking or acting in ways that separate us from others.

The retreat practices intensely sensitized my heart such that becoming somewhat annoyed with someone, being impatient, accidentally cutting line for the water dispenser, speaking at the wrong moment, and so forth caused almost physical pain in my heart center.

Whatever it is that initiates the feeling, tension can gather like sticks of wood toward a beaver dam. A busy mind may chew on an incident or event. Once we judge ourselves for some act, however trivial, evidence begins to mount, damming heart flow. Then others are treated to our closed-off self instead of the loving self that cares so much inside. Now the care itself shows up as a claim against one’s self instead of an expression of love toward other. It is not unusual for irritable people to have kind hearts inside, and to suffer from their own frustration attempting to be kind. Then the effort to be kind feeds self-blame. The dam gets bigger. Self-forgiveness frees up the flow.

No matter how trivial the trigger, it is NOT trivial when insignificant actions create distance from others. Distress mounts when we can feel not only our own separation, but blame ourselves for the discomfort of others. It is virtually impossible at times to know whether we have caused it, or whether someone’s discomfort has nothing to do with us.

With the heart fully open and sensitized this type of discomfort becomes pain. Shutting down the heart to avoid pain only leads to a greater gulf of separation. In addition to self-forgiveness the closed heart shuts out joy, beauty, tenderness, sympathy, compassion, gratefulness and the sense of unity for which we so long. We can never beat or shame or judge ourselves into sublime emotion. Blaming ourselves for expressions of separation makes us do it more. Loveliness springs from the initially-fragile awakening of deep feeling. Self-forgiveness is key to awakening love.

Saint Rabia said to God, “Forgive me for asking you to forgive me.” The FEELING behind this is that in direct and sublime intimacy–with the divine or any Beloved—the internal act of feeling that we must be doing some small thing wrong and wanting to be forgiven in itself creates a small measure of separation. We have assumed a separateness and distanced ourselves by not fully receiving the available love. Note that this is true in the presence of profound and mutual love. Feeling bad about something the other person has already fully embraced without a thought causes distance. Apology is called for when we shatter the closeness between us. Thinking about ourselves by trying to be perfect can distract from real love.

How and when do YOU make yourself unnecessarily separate from others?
What do you feel inside when you do it?