Positive Energy Guide

Let’s continue to delve into the impacts of fantasy on awareness:

When we substitute fantasy for clear observation of people and events, we view the world through this lens. We reel out fantasy like a movie, and overlay onto the world, so what we see thus becomes an extension of our inner lives. This busy-ness is not very receptive to signals from the outside world.

This sentence bears exploration: “Fantasy is the shoehorn by which we allow ourselves to be used by others.”

A few times I complained about a relationship to a friend who’s a therapist and she said, “Good: You’re starting to see him as he really is now.”

I thought about this at length. I considered all the times I or others told ourselves so-and-so was really a nice person inside and didn’t really mean to treat us poorly. We feel bad about what’s happening, talk ourselves out of it–and then allow ourselves to be treated to more of the same. Like or not we are telling ourselves that what we want to believe is the reality–in spite of the conflicting traits and behaviors that we observe and experience.

My own fantasies are difficult to detect because they don’t seem fantasy-like. They entail, for example, wanting to believe people I want to spend time with know who they are and how they feel, behave consistently with their stated values, and are capable of saying what they want. (Go ahead–laugh.) Coming to realize their actual capabilities and habits has been harsh.

This goes to show that even when what we project onto others is ‘good,’ friction between fantasy and actuality can cause relational issues.

When we give more attention to what we desire than to noticing what is actually happening we may open ourselves to being drained or used. Our signals telegraph that we are willing to overlook the actual in pursuit of what we want. Desire twists our interpretation of signs and signals that would otherwise demonstrate to us other’s motivations and capacities.

Take–as more obvious examples–a star-struck teenager with a crush on someone who just wants sex, or social climber with fantasies of wealth and status at a too-good-to-be-true job interview. What the other people actually are may not show up through their fantasies. An opportunist takes advantage of this, intentionally or by instinct. Even well-intended people may jump on our hope-wagon and go along for the ride.

We protect a fantasy in an attempt to meet the needs it expresses. When we are blinded by our needs the images we project out onto the world interfere with accurate feedback.

Blind hope is an insular stance. This impenetrability increases our sense of separation. Such self-created isolation stimulates desire and fantasy, creating a loop between unmet needs and fantasy. This loop can make fantasy addictive.

In contrast, active and intentional use of imagination can be unitive–particularly when the aims sought are not self-centered. Using visualization to send love to the world or to assist with human rights fosters spiritual expansion. Sending benefit to others helps to develop a sense of unity and community.

In a unitive frame of heart we experience our selves in relationship with others. This stance is radically different than asking, expecting, or insisting that the world fulfill our personal wishes.

An open heart allows us to work WITH what we observe around us rather than denying its existence in a vain attempt to meet personal needs. Shifting from self-involved fantasy to cooperative participation makes us MORE likely to meet personal needs.

Fantasies abound in the realm of Guidance, healing and spirituality. Professions that offer powerful help draw people in need. They may need assistance to learn to discern the difference between fantasy and actuality. This traction with the actual allows us to move effectively forward with a happy and productive life.

What kinds of fantasy enter into YOUR relationships and what is their ultimate impact?

What inner skills and conditions help YOU to discern between fantasy and actuality?