18 December 2015 6 Comments

Managing Your Energy Part 71: Skill Set to Keep from Giving Away Your Energy

It is not unusual for intuitive people with big hearts to become drained in interactions, especially with people whose lack of clarity tend to call forth our intuitive skills. Here are behaviors and attitudes that help: P1080147

Monitor your level of confusion carefully. When you begin to feel confused, take a step back and take inventory. Are you confused because of your own unclarity? If so, ask yourself questions to clarify your motives and needs. If you are confused, however, because someone is being confusing, you may make an effort to sort it out—but do not make heroic and exhaustive efforts. If the person actively resists your efforts to clarify what they mean or where they are coming from, take the following steps:

Bring in compassion for yourself. Confusion is painful, and you are probably being kept at an emotional distance.
Focus on connecting to Source, to the greater spiritual whole, so you feel connected instead of painfully isolated.
Release your need to feel connected to the person. This does not mean you never connect. It means you take care of your energy first. If you try to connect, you make sure it’s not draining you.
Tell the person that the interaction seems to be a lot of work. Ask them to get clear about what they are trying to communicate or what they want and get back to you when they know. Then they can do their own work internally instead of relying on you to do their work as well as your own.
If the person continues to block your communication or makes it too much work, withdraw and try at another point in time.
Comfort your Inner Child if you feel pain that the person is not connecting with you.
Be clear about what you want from interaction. Do your needs belong in interaction, or are these needs the sort one must care for in one’s self, like the need for validation or approval?
Quit being too “nice.” If the person is obstructing communication or out of touch, ask them directly to let you know what they want. It may be necessary to give them time to come up with it. If you choose to wait, spend the time practicing a simple energy-based, body-centered meditation, such as watching your breath. This helps with patience, nourishes you, and keeps you from picking up their energy. It works much better than defense, resistance, or most attempts to shield.
Stay clear about who you are. Do not reinforce ego-based identity, just keep an eye out to see whether what the person says about you matches who you are. If you are clear, you are not defensive. Take in what they say and try it on to see if it resonates. If it doesn’t, push it back out. Let this be a relaxed and natural process, like eating and pooping.
Notice if you start to get emotionally triggered. If so, delve right into your discomfort and find its core. What is the deepest and strongest emotion at play? What are you reminded of? What are you afraid of?
Breathe into any body parts that get tight.
Remind your young parts that you have adult resources now and can take care of your needs. Determine exactly what you can do yourself that will soothe and support you. Self support includes making appointments with professionals, but you still do what you can for yourself.
Take breaks if the person becomes unreasonably demanding.
Practice the skill of detachment. Detachment is not aloofness. Do not push anything away or resist, but relax any part of yourself that gets stuck to or wrapped around it. For example, let your relationship go—while staying right where you are. Leaving is unnecessary—unless it is necessary.
Keep checking in with yourself as to whether your response of helping is coming from an ego pattern, old wound, or unconscious need. If so, stop. If helping stems from your essence or a clean desire to be of service it will not cause you problems.

Which of these skills is the most necessary in your current interactions?

At what point in your interactions do you need to employ them?

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6 Responses to “Managing Your Energy Part 71: Skill Set to Keep from Giving Away Your Energy”

  1. Lisa 18 December 2015 at 10:43 am #

    Oh dear Teresa, this is exactly where I am right now and thank you for intuiting exactly what to write. Personally I think I need to print this and put it on my fridge. In fact, that is exactly what I will do.

    The confusion, being emotionally blocked by someone who has porcupined and recognizing the best and healthiest thing for you both is to stop. And for me to find my way back to center, self and calmness. I feel like I was better at it this summer – and i noticed the last few months, the less emotional attention I got, the more I would dig, the more he would porcupine or turtle which resulted in more digging. The interesting part is that I very much know “better” and could often feel his blocks and my loss of ground.

    • Teresa Dietze 18 December 2015 at 11:23 am #

      Hi Sweetie.

      The distress of feeling disconnected drives the digging, as you know. And yes, it backfires when the other person fears intimacy, and things escalate. The more time we spend in that dynamic the harder it is to remember that we can connect to Source and get what we need; that we do not need to rely on the other person for our needs. It can be hard to know how to relate when we are “intimate” with someone who isn’t able to sustain intimacy. What to do?

      Time to reconnect with Self.



  2. Therese 18 December 2015 at 1:15 pm #

    I’ve been letting the disconnect be alright. Once I notice the disconnect, I disengage. I’ve been doing this for about 6 months and I can see it is integrating within me; it feels more natural.

    Now, I’m loving myself into a place which is strong enough to withstand the pain which not fitting in can bring. I’ve chosen this path. Truthfully, my Ego is the only one who cares. In time, the caring will pass. I simply have to keep reminding myself that my Ego will be happier on my current path also.

    So much learning. Progress made and recognized. I think that’s really what it’s all about. ???? I wish to thank you for your posts, support, and guidance even when you didn’t know you were there for me. ????

    With Love,

    • Teresa Dietze 18 December 2015 at 2:00 pm #

      Hi Therese. 🙂

      I’ve been doing a lot of that also. It takes a certain kind of discipline. Not trying to make things work goes against the grain of the heart sometimes. Then again, it’s more loving to ONE’S SELF to stop trying to force connection with people who are not connecting. Then it’s ever so much easier to connect with those who will and can because we’re not drained and hurting.

      Lots of love to you, Therese. I’ve been thinking of you a lot for the last few weeks, wishing good things for you.


  3. Therese 18 December 2015 at 4:53 pm #

    Good things are definitely happening in my life. I’ve noticed a couple of things. One, I’ve laughed more this week than in the past year. Two, Jeff commented that I seem happier when I answer the phone. I thought about it and realized, when the phone rings or dings, I no longer think, “Who the fuck wants me now.” Yes, that was really my thought. Can we all see that I was burnt out and had zero energy to give to anyone? Now when the phone rings or dings, I have no thoughts until I see what is happening. Then my thoughts are pleasant and welcoming.

    Now I understand why my Guides have been saying to just take care of myself and be patient. I have needed, and still do, time to regenerate and get back to who I am.

    Thank you for thinking of me and sending good vibes. This week was very introspective because my feelings were hurt and I knew that was Ego but I was still having trouble figuring out how to deal with the hurt feelings. I finally realized this is no different than when I use to teach and I’d score low on a teacher evaluation because someone thought the room was too hot. That’s not something I can control so I learned to let it go. Now people are wanting certain behaviors from me and I have to look at their wants and compare them to my wants. Is there a way to satisfy their wants without giving up my wants? If so, maybe I’ll accommodate them. If not, I’ve decided what I need is more important to my health than harming myself to please another. Yes, giving up any part of me is now harmful to me. My health can’t withstand any more sacrifices. By the time my health will be able to withstand sacrifices, I doubt I will be willing to sacrifice.

    I hope life is treating you blessedly, Teresa! ????

    With Love,

    • Teresa Dietze 18 December 2015 at 5:09 pm #

      Well put. I hear you. It’s too bad so many of us with great hearts have to get to that point to hazard what initially feels like being selfish. Comes down to taking care of the goose that lays the golden egg.

      Life is rolling along okay.



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