28 June 2016 4 Comments

Manage Your Energy Part 86: Re-Defining the Awful Hole

“God is an activity of the soul.” ~Murshid SAM Lewis

You know the hole. The one almost all of us run from. The hole deep inside, where we experience soul-sucking fear of emptiness, loneliness, gnawing isolation, or the pain of bone-cracking absence of connection. That hole.

Some of us try to fill it with multiple contacts with people, some with an idealized mate, some with sex, food or drugs. It doesn’t work. We just debilitate ourselves with the endless, distracting effort without changing the hole itself.

We have our stories about the Hole. Most of them start with “If only . . .” They vary from personality to personality, but often end with feeling like a victim, wasting our lives trying to be enough or have enough without finding any of it somehow fully satisfying, or realizing that we keep trying to make ourselves lovable to others instead of doing what we really want. Trying to escape the Hole keeps us from finding out what that might be.

In order to free ourselves from being enthralled or enslaved by the Hole, we need to be aware of the Hole. That means we need to be able to face it with some measure of detachment. Then we can investigate it some instead of being obliterated by it. Getting close to it is frightening at first. Since itIMG_4110 operates in the background of awareness, and has such power, we fear being sucked into it and obliterated by it. Paradoxically, this is what happens, to a greater extent, when we invest in avoiding that Hole. The less we see it the more power it has over us.

Another important step in freeing ourselves from that thralldom is being able to objectively observe the story we tell ourselves about the Hole, and what we believe about it. When we can see how it functions, we can challenge the myths that have developed around it.

Examples of such myths:
I will be destroyed if I experience the Hole
I have no power in the face of it
I have a problem if I feel there is a hole

The most dangerous myths are what we tell ourselves the Hole IS. What makes defining the Hole dangerous is that—supposedly knowing what it is—we cease to examine it and go on with business as usual. This gives it power.

Re-defining the Hole is a powerful act. What is that Hole, really?

Some spiritual literature describes the Hole in detail. In the spiritual context it is seen as our basic, engrained sense of disconnection from the Greater Whole. We long for connection, for Love. This can be viewed as feeling separate from the Divine, but it can also be viewed as feeling separate from our own innate essence. When we are fully Present, moving from the authenticity of our essence rather than the compensatory dictates of personality, we feel whole and complete. The Hole is not driving.

It is important to stop telling ourselves that the Hole is a need for love/food/drugs/distraction etc., and stop telling ourselves that feeling it means something is wrong.

When we start telling ourselves that noticing the Hole is a step forward in awareness, and we begin to observe our orientation with it, we can begin to direct energy and attention to the question of developing Presence. As a dear friend used to tell me: “A good plan is a plan that works.”

How do YOU experience the Hole?

What do you tell yourself about it?

What have you felt this might mean about you?

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4 Responses to “Manage Your Energy Part 86: Re-Defining the Awful Hole”

  1. Therese 28 June 2016 at 2:51 pm #

    I use to have a hole. If I still have one, it’s pretty tiny. The place where the hole use to be is now my safe place.

    I think the hole does reflect our disconnect with Divinity. Since we are that Divinity, the hole is a disconnect with ourselves. I’ve stepped into the hole, I dwell there now. The hole is where I am complete. The hole no longer feels like a hole, empty, vast, and bottomless like a pit. Now the hole is safety, security, sunshine, Nature, breezes, smiles, laughter, play, and many other wonderful things which I am discovering.

    The hole always was the place where I exist fully. The hole only exists when I abandon myself. The abandonment of myself is why the hole hurts so much and feels so scary. We’ve been told we’ll be abandoned if we go to the hole; it will swallow us and life won’t be the same again. All true but it’s glorious and we are taught to be afraid of our glory.

    I’ll be honest, I hadn’t ever thought about this subject in this way until you wrote about it. Suddenly the hole became clear to me. Thank you!

    With Love,

    • Teresa Dietze 28 June 2016 at 3:27 pm #

      Beautiful! Yes, the Hole becomes what Being is birthed from, ergo holy. That is why I selected that particular photo.

      Glad to stimulate something new.



  2. Christy A 12 July 2016 at 11:45 pm #

    This idea of the “hole” has been very helpful to me. I’d heard before in another context “that which we resist persists” but how you descrive it here, and also in the book I’m reading, there’s a more positive loving perspective. It’s like saying “of course there’s a hole, we all have one, so what?” and from that place of acceptance it’s more possible for me to get CURIOUS and peek inside the hole like a cat putting its paws on the edge of the tub and peering in. When I get into a state of fear, I have been trying to say something to myself like “there’s the hole, no big deal, you can sit here on the edge and look in at least. Or whatever’s most compassionate at that moment. The enneagram has also been helpful – it felt like they read my diary haha! – in understanding some of what my “hole” and my defenses are about. In other words, what are the fears blocking me from God? It’s a real game changer, after spending most of my life beating myself up or numbing out to avoid feeling discomfort. I’m starting to recognize times I can sit with and notice the discomfort…it starts dissolving. I’m really grateful for this guidance Teresa!

    • Teresa Dietze 14 July 2016 at 9:51 am #

      Dear Christy,

      Excellent insights and approach. I’m glad you’re engaging so fully.



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