4 May 2014 4 Comments

Pearls from Pain, Part 17: Seeking Assistance

Since issues about receiving support and assistance are prevalent, many struggle to find a healthy balance between independence and seeking care from others. Here are some guidelines:

Ask for assistance when:

  • You can’t focus well enough to work on yourself
  • You sense that you are missing something
  • You feel overwhelmed, or in over your head
  • The same issue keeps coming up again and again
  • You issues seem vague
  • Something feels creepy, strange, or unwholesome and you can’t shift your energy
  • Your focus keeps shifting when you try to address your issues
  • You would like to be moving forward more quickly
  • You are in more pain than you can manage
  • Support would be a kindness for you

IF you have a tendency to ask for support in lieu of doing your Inner Work, do not ask for assistance when:

  • Your own interventions will directly resolve your distress
  • You know exactly what to do but haven’t tried it first*
  • You aren’t willing to accept guidance or to make necessary changes*
  • You want to find someone to blame for your issues
  • You want to avoid personal accountability for your choices
  • You know what your current issue is but you wish it was something else, like wanting to find someone who will tell you it’s not gluten sensitivity even though you’re pretty sure it is

*As long as you are willing to accept support, you can certainly ask for assistance in becoming emotionally willing to develop self-compassion, learn new skills, and take beneficial action.

If you have a tendency to ask for “help” in order to get attention, ask for assistance with the emotional issues that drive you do do this–rather than seeking assistance with everything else. Let yourself HAVE the attention of someone who can assist you–and let them help you to become more self reliant.

Self reliant people deserve just as much support as needy people, but we get it for different issues, or for growth and development instead of staying stuck toP1080253 get care.

We are interdependent beings. It is natural to seek as well as to give support. We learn through our interactions, especially with those we emulate.

A consistent relationship with a guide or mentor offers great advantages. A clear-sighted person operating in your behalf knows your nature, history, issues and energy. They understand your context and the implications of the challenges that arise in your life.

A consistent relationship with a guide has a number of advantages. Consistency can:

  • Keep you on track so you don’t backslide
  • Help you to notice and take advantage of opportunities you may not notice when things are not going well
  • Keep your guide in touch with what is going on in your life
  • Inspire continuity in your Inner Work
  • Nip potential issues in the bud
  • Give you a check-point for new ideas and directions
  • Move past the concept that something must be wrong in order to enjoy support

Find a healthy balance between receiving care and acting in your own behalf. Knowing you can seek care as a preference rather than a need helps improve your quality of life. Seeking appropriate support IS self care.

Where is YOUR balance between seeking support and trying to do things on your own?

Is your orientation toward support a defensive stance, or a healthy and flexible decision?

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4 Responses to “Pearls from Pain, Part 17: Seeking Assistance”

  1. Therese 4 May 2014 at 10:59 pm #

    Accepting support vs. Standing in my own power are both challenging ing different ways &, sometimes, at the same time. Right now, I am being strongly guided to stand in my power by listening to my Inner Voice & my Guides. I’m doing really well, this week, at listening. My challenge comes from knowing I need to do something for myself when feeling pressured to do for someone else. It takes me a long time to figure out how to politely & lovingly decline putting myself in a place that does not serve my best interest. Sadly, it seems like I have to go through each possible scenario in order to figure out how to handle it the next time.

    I know there will come a time when the experiences will meld & the solutions will come more easily. The learning process can be challenging. However, for the first time in my life, I am not fighting any of the process. I have jumped into the deep end & I KNOW the Universe will support me. This training period is for my growth so I can handle what is to come.

    Usually, I can accept & ask for support these days. There was a time when asking for help felt like failing. Now, I can ask & accept whatever answer comes to me. It’s good to know I can accept help &, if help is unavailable, I’ll figure out a way to do it myself.

    • Teresa Dietze 5 May 2014 at 9:14 am #

      Thank you, Therese, for adding the ‘both-and.’ You’re totally correct–we can and often do have both patterns, and may express them in different circumstances or fly between them in the same situation.

      The challenge you so clearly describe is common in empaths. As much as you would like a more streamlined response, I think it really is necessary, initially, to work through these situations ‘longhand,’ as you are doing by considering options. This comes with making new, considered, aware and intelligent responses. It’s like learning the scales as a musician. I, too, trust that you will soon be able to improvise.

      Healthy self-interest is challenging for empaths. I have had a hard time being polite and loving when part of me has felt at risk for being drained when someone wants something from me and it will be hard on me to give them what they want. Working this balance through to respond ideally is definitely some of the most important “training” we can do.

      In my next post series we will (in part) explore a related, parallel conundrum that arises as we develop spiritually: Balance between expanding to dissolve into Oneness, with having a strong and contained sense of self.

      Nice work!


  2. Therese 4 May 2014 at 11:00 pm #

    By the way, these are some awesome posts, for me, lately. Thank you, Teresa!

    • Teresa Dietze 8 May 2014 at 11:58 am #

      Thanks for letting me know. I’ve had so little response from everyone else that I’ve been beginning to wonder whether I’m writing about things that resonate and are of service. I DO see what the needs are, but whether anyone wants to enter that arena directly is another matter. 🙂


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