“The word that is not heard is lost. ” ~Inayat Khan
Following from Post #53: At the retreat I sought to resolve my concerns with one of the two group leaders. In the capacity of our friendship, I sought to contribute to his self awareness. Like a reflex, he reflected everything I said back onto me—without exploring my concerns or looking within. This exemplified my main point. Our encounter was loving, yet I stepped away frustrated and sad.
I contemplated how much importance to give to feeling heard, being understood, or having my contributions received. Wisdom tells me that the more we develop the more we must release attachment to such luxuries.
A quote from the spiritual leader Meher Baba springs to mind: “Understanding has no meaning. Love has meaning. Obedience has more meaning.”
Meaning comes from feeling and from the heart, while understanding involves the mind. “Obedience,” in my current interpretation, has to do with being true to our inner guidance.
When we act with intention and discernment, and surrender to the highest option, meaning takes shape through action.
Toward the end of the spiritual retreat I attempted to contribute to someone else who was not open to it. My very brief comment yielded an unpleasant intensity of reaction. In remorse, I questioned my tendency to contribute.
I did begin to bring in self love—and continue to consider my views and values regarding contribution to others.
Yes, it is important to learn to allow others to be wherever they are in their journey. We are best off when we accept life the way it is. I do not, however, believe that noticing that someone has something to learn or contributing to their process of learning must involve judging them.
Contribution, should we chose–or feel compelled–to involve ourselves, works better when we are not judging. We are responsible for our motivations, and the energies they bring forth.
Our paths interweave with those of others. The world goes round owing to involvement. When we try to change others from misguided motivation or with excessive investment, we suffer for it–and we learn through our entanglement. So do others.
I believe there is more to learn here than to mind our own business–although for those of us who respond without feeling things out first, that might be a good start.
If we withdraw and do not involve ourselves, we lose the opportunity for certain types of personal growth. Those of us who over-involve need to pull back. Those of us who pull back may need to learn to bring our voices forward. What is called for differs with each situation.
Learning usually requires making mistakes. We definitely need to bring through love for ourselves throughout our learning experiences as we gradually develop the discernment to engage gracefully in a wide variety of situations.
Self mastery requires learning HOW and WHEN and to WHOM we contribute. This task is a lot more challenging than throwing ourselves into contribution by reflex, whether or not it is welcome or not it drains us, or maintaining a policy of allowing others to carry on without engaging them.
From one perspective we cannot say which path is best for another—yet our insight or feedback may well assist others in making viable choices.
Offering insight need not be arrogant. Doing it by reflex, however, is unconscious behavior, which often comes across as arrogant.
Consciously or unconsciously, we are each and all agents of one another’s awakening. We cannot avoid that. We CAN seek to be discerning, loving, and intentional.
What is the difference between passive acceptance and active acceptance?
When is passive acceptance weak?
When is the appearance of acceptance actually an expression of passive aggression?