25 October 2013 1 Comment

LGS #93, Developing Discernment and Guidance Skills, Part 6: What Is Mine and What Is Not?, Part 4: A Psycho-Spiritual Perspective

What we perceive to be ours or not-ours depends on our sense of Self–who we take ourselves to be. If we overlook parts of ourselves it’s harder to tell what is ours.

We long to feel connected with others and with the Universe. At the same time most of us fear loss of self, rejection, disappointment, loss of control, being taken over, finding ourselves unable to say what we want or need, feeling stuck or trapped by other people’s needs, and so forth.

Our needs for love, connection, identification with others, intimacy and companionship are often in conflict with our needs for self-definition, self-identification, and solitude. How we solve this conflict depends on subconscious beliefs about self and other.

Our ability to balance our needs for connection with our needs as an individual is a spiritual question because it involves our entire relationship with life. We grapple with: To what extent do we need to separate ourselves? How safe does it feel to surrender into a sense of unity?

Issues with self/other balance make us more likely to pick up or fear picking up energy from others.

P1030614When we feel whole, self love, and a sense of belonging, we move more freely in and out of connection with others, and get less confused between self and other.

For those of us who are energy-sensitive, initial efforts at energy-discernment involve sorting out self from not-self. We learn to identify incoming energy. We may begin by trying to defend ourselves against all incoming energy, perceiving it as a threat. In relationship, we may be dealing with safety issues or foggy boundaries. We may be unclear about what we want. Issues with energy boundaries show up in our intimacies.

As our boundaries develop we learn to make internal adjustments to keep some kinds of energy out and allow other energy in. In relationship we may be beginning to ask for what we need and to say what we want. We know how to say Yes and No.

Knowing ourselves allows us to use intention to establish wholesome preferences about energy. These preferences help us to optimize a range of states that allows for both expansion and grounded everyday experience, without being too coarse for comfort or too refined for effective engagement in the world.

We become able to relate and create in alignment with chosen, conscious beliefs and values, rather than reacting to circumstance.  We develop comfort with and compassion for our human vulnerability and that of others.

From an expanded a spiritual perspective, we are all One. Sensing the universal truth that all is One initially adds a layer of complication to the question of sorting self from non-self.

As I understand healthy spiritual development, we first attain a clear sense of Self as an individual, then gradually learn to release this (healthy) ego into the ocean of Oneness.

From a spiritual point of view our objective becomes less to define mine vs not-mine than to establish poise within circumstances. This poise allows us to maintain adequate boundaries while still experiencing a high degree of connection. These boundaries are not like walls to keep things out. They function as effective choices about which influences we are willing to engage.

At the risk of using language some won’t like, (and perhaps opening a can of worms). . . .  Do energy boundaries in intimate relationships run parallel to our relationship with the Divine?

Before we recognize spiritual unity, we may polarize between God (defined as That Which Is) and self, seeing the Divine as a watcher, judge, temperamental provider, boss, etc. We may fear doing wrong, attempt to hide things from God, or feel that to do the Will of the Divine is to lose our personal will and sense of self. We may fear that we must make huge sacrifices to be worthy of Divine love.

On the road to unity we learn to accept and respect our humanity, view God as compassionate, and realize that our personalities have meaning and value within our spiritual process. We relate to the Universe in a more open exchange. We give what we feel good about giving without too much pain and angst about giving or receiving.

Eventually we come to recognize that when we surrender personal will by being fully aligned with Divine Will, we are most ourselves and most fulfilled. From that perspective there is no issue about which will is which. We do not feel a need to protect ourselves against or seek guidance from an external form of the Divine because we experience ourselves as a part of It.

How do issues YOU may have with energy boundaries show up in your close relationships?

Do similar issues color your spiritual life?

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One Response to “LGS #93, Developing Discernment and Guidance Skills, Part 6: What Is Mine and What Is Not?, Part 4: A Psycho-Spiritual Perspective”

  1. Tom 25 October 2013 at 7:16 am #

    Thanks, Teresa


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