Positive Energy Guide

At a spiritual camp in Maui, I spent most of the week compressed into spaces full of people, owing to hard rain, I needed time being mobile and alone. Riding a bike down Haleakala Crater sounded fun, but since the energies of the day presaged some potential danger, I decided to hike up there instead. I headed up as soon as the weather cleared.

I had the uphill road to myself. Scores of cars and their drivers were returning from sunrise vigils. It was great to drive at my own pace, park easily, and walk into the Crater with few people to shatter its deafening silence.

The alien landscape in the Crater is not just silent, it is also desiccating, and thumbing with energy. The living, intense silence sounds like a high pitched Tibetan bowl from a long way off.

When I walk alone in nature I find myself spontaneously doing spiritual practice on my breath. I also feel out my intentions and guidance for moving forward along my life’s journey. If I have any emotional “stuff” in the background of awareness, or energy I need to clear, I work on myself. The rhythm of movement helps me process and aids inspiration.

As I traversed my way through miniature gravel and small volcanic rocks I was enchanted by the way light played on the varied colored earth of bare slopes and mounds. The bowl edge of the Crater helped me gather in big, loving, life energy, which I then sent deep into the ground. An enormous, vital rush of energy pulsed back to me, pleasurable and magnificent. My fields felt huge. Being up at 9000 feet with nothing around but earth and air felt like being an antenna. It brought me back to essentials.

My mind wandered for just a moment. I slipped, spraining an ankle. I sat in the screaming silence, holding my ankle in my hands and having a little talk with it. I have my own way of talking with my hands, moving a few tendons into place, checking the range of motion, and so forth. I told it that it was going to need to stay mobile until I could get out of the Crater. It hurt some, but I didn’t give it a chance to stiffen or inflame.

Walking uphill at altitude was a real workout, even though I’d taken supplements that increase oxygenation in lungs and muscles to help with altitude. I paced my breath with my steps, and with my heartbeat when I took short rests, still standing. I began to work with emotions that came up around hurting my ankle.

I was grateful that I could walk. The crater was still nearly deserted, which I loved. It had become so hot and dry that I that I could imagine expiring quickly in the naked and unrelenting sun. This was silly; the post-sunrise hikers would be along shortly—and they were. I also had water, sunscreen, and appropriate clothing.

Two men came around the corner and stopped, facing me. One beamed at me. He had lovely teeth and eyes and an open heart. He asked, “How ARE you doing?” Given his emphasis and their rapt attention, I told them about my ankle.

The other man said, “I usually bring some poles and just give them to people, but I didn’t today. I’m sorry.” I smiled at these beneficent angels and told them I was doing fine.

Driving down, down, down the hairpin curves on the mountain’s edge, above the clouds, I wanted to get back to the place I was staying, ice my ankle, and connect with a woman who had been staying there before she left. I pushed the speed limit a bit. Two park rangers appeared behind me in Land Rovers. I pulled over and let them pass, along with a small truck, then popped in behind. We rolled down the mountain like a convoy, moving faster than I would on my own. They knew every turn and drove the perfect speed.

I returned feeling expanded and relaxed, despite the sprain.

Do you allow yourself time alone in nature? What is that like for you?

Can you hear the silence in high mountains or deep caves?

Indifference and independence are the two wings which enable the soul to fly. ~Inayat Khan

Indifference! My most intimate friend, I am sorry I have always to act against thee as thy opponent. ~Inayat Khan

Emptiness has a special kind of power that supports right use of other forms of power. Emptiness helps to develop sensitivity when power becomes too bold, and power when sensitivity makes us too delicate, by bringing us into the present without engrained and automatic agendas.

Emptiness increases freedom. Emptiness confers the inestimable freedom of being able to act without preconception. Simultaneously, emptiness confers the ability to relax the impulse to act when we feel compelled to do something.

This ability is especially important with respect to using power. Using power cleanly, without force, requires being able not only to restrain ego expression, but to empty oneself of it, so ones motivational force does not interfere. Suppressing that force is like pushing Jack down into the box—he will pop up later, at an unexpected moment.

Releasing claims and urges through true emptiness enables one to use the power of intention for the highest good. Expressions of power from this place of indifference toward lower expressions of self have a totally different flavor. True freedom is freedom from compulsion. Clean power is power that is not driven by compulsion.

A client delighted me by saying, “It is amazing that grace can come from somewhere or through someone unexpected. People can surprise you if you don’t hold them in your mind as being incapable of it.” Her insight shows one beautiful way that emptying oneself of prejudiced opinion also confers freedom on others.

Balancing the above: Those of us who make it a point to keep the door of possibility open for others need to remember to see and accept people AS THEY ARE NOW. Excessive hope becomes toxic. Contrary to the usual interpretation: acceptance does not necessarily mean approving of people’s choices and behaviors. Accepting means allowing that they ARE that way. We need to notice what happens when we hold open that door, so we can keep from compromising our well being.

Why does Inayat Khan say, in the quote at the top, that indifference is a friend, yet one he must act against? This is a useful inquiry for those of us who have been developing compassion. We can be eaten alive by users if we do not learn to employ indifference to counterbalance excessive attachment, involvement, identification with the suffering of others, and sensing of others’ needs and states. We need to be able to step back when excessive compassion creates burnout. Since Inayat Khan had a loving heart that embraced the Universe, indifference would have been a needed friend. At the same time, connecting as One requires great love, as does kindness, teaching, healing, and holding a sacred mission.

Allowing indifference to be a friend without identifying with it allows us to work against it in order to develop greater love and compassion. It walks beside us like a friend giving counsel, helping us to release unbalanced motives, to empty ourselves of the impulse to take side roads that distract from greater purpose.

Emptiness is protective. Emptiness keeps us from wasting energy on things that are not our spiritual job. It can protects our energy by freeing us from errors of over-investment and injudicious action.

Emptiness also provides transparency to influence. Other people and conditions cannot influence us without our permission when we are able to attend to emptiness. When empty, we are not susceptible to picking up unwanted energy. External energies require some type of sticky investment, motivation, identification, etc. to enter into our personal energy fields. Emptiness gives negative energies nothing on which to attach. As ever, faking it won’t work. That just pushes the energy somewhere else in our fields. Releasing investment and reaction protects our energy.

Are YOU more prone to excessive attachment or excessive indifference, or do you swing between them?

What do you do to bring yourself into balance between freedom and love?

“The only way to live in the midst of inharmonious influences is to strengthen the will power and endure all things, yet keeping fineness of character and nobility of manner together with an ever-living heart full of love.”  ~ Inayat Khan

“There are several ways to reach and hold this stage. One is through Darood–to hold tight to the Divine Thought on the breath. Keep unbroken concentration no matter what the occurrence or cause for complaint. Stay focused, and concentrate all thought upon Allah [That Which Is] so that nothing another says, does, or thinks can affect the mind. Then the mind is protected and the karmic reaction strikes the other.

“At the same time, the heart should be kept pure for even the thought of another as other, even the idea of dualism with favorable opinions is not conducive to the spiritual welfare of any party concerned. Heart full of love is heart that does not conceive of differences, which holds another as the self, which feels all people as the offspring of the one Divine Parent.”  ~ Murshid Samuel Lewis

Below are my reflections, which are useful only to the extent that they evoke insight and lead to a qualitative change of perspective or a more open heart:

–Doing this practice depends on a fairly substantial degree of mastery over one’s focus of attention.

–One would need to already be able to experience Unity to practice effectively.

–While eschewing “even the idea of dualism,” this practice requires the presence of mind to notice ones need for
it yet simultaneously hold the heart in a state of Unity. At first glance this might appear to be a division of state, which would involve an experience of duality. Dualism is a state of mind. The divisions exist only in concept. One can be aware of an Inner Child trigger, for example, yet continue to also remain in an adult state, observing reactivity without engaging it. In the same way it is possible to notice that one is experiencing inharmonious influences and choose to engage fully in spiritual practice, emphasizing heart. Doing this requires enough self awareness and self acceptance to keep from suppressing or denying negative feeling. One embraces all feeling and sincerely makes love a higher priority.

–It is interesting that when one can prevent one’s mind from being affected by another person’s disharmony a karmic reaction impacts that person, rather than of being absorbed.

Understanding this dynamic is easier if one takes the perspective of being the person with the disharmony. This way there is something–not an absence of something–to observe. Consider a time when you have been out of balance and around someone who is smooth and even. I know when I have been in this situation, I have felt a weird sense of discomfort in my solar plexus almost ricochet back into me if I send out energy that wasn’t warranted. I always thought this was conscience. Perhaps it is a karmic reaction. Then again, perhaps a twinge of conscience reflects ones karma in that moment.

–The ability to prevent other people from impacting us negatively without shutting them out or holding them as other, reducing the karma or binding energy in our interactions is a worthy goal.

–These quotes point to the ongoing challenge of energy protection. This solution has the advantages of being permanent and integrated, with spiritual benefit. It is a different mindset than defensive or Band-Aid type ways of managing negative energy. Since effective energy mastery takes time to develop, those who are sensitive to energy may need to use other methods in the short term.

What do YOU do to manage being around inharmonious influences?

Does it feel possible to you to feel loving connection while around irritating conditions or individuals?

What brings you closer to this ability?

“The first step toward forgiveness is to forget.” ~ Inayat Khan

“That is to say, remove all remembrance of the act from the mind. The one who has done wrong does this best by a complete change of attitude, so great a change that the mind will not again succumb to a similar temptation, will not permit the ego to sway it in the wrong direction. Those who have been wronged should steel themselves against being wronged again. In the first stage, one completely erases all recollection from the mind or ceases to regard the deed as an evil one–especially if one has learned a living lesson through the experience. This prepares one for the higher condition which is not to be insulted, not be wronged or hurt by another. This shows real spiritual advancement on the part of a person, that he or she is not affected or harmed by the acts, thoughts, or words of another.” ~ Murshid Samuel Lewis

The second quote is Murshid Sam’s commentary on Inayat Khan’s quote. I would like to share my reflections of them:

–This practice requires being in several internal places at the same time; able to be in touch with negative emotion without being run by it, so as to pick the Highest Option.

–Steeling oneself from being wronged again is an interesting construct. Paradoxically, doing this requires memory. This quote is like a tongue twister for the mind. How do we steel ourselves against being wronged? Doing this requires correct assessment of the situation, personal responsibility without blame, an intelligent readjustment to circumstances via a change in behavior, and the memory and mastery to maintain this adjustment going forward.

This being done, it is possible to “forget” the negative impact that occurred, knowing one has taken action to prevent it from occurring again. As we practice this we are moving toward a state of clear observation and understanding of the actual capacities of others, from which we are not likely to be surprised or offended by what they do. Once we remove any behavior on our own part that invites an inappropriate response, they do what they do because of themselves, not because of us. When we become fully responsible for our responses and vulnerabilities we see what others do without taking it personally and are less apt to feel harmed, or to place ourselves in positions in which harm may occur.

–When open-heartedness outpaces personal mastery, we find ourselves forgiving without learning how to keep from being wronged. The wounding that sustains this condition becomes circular as we place ourselves in situations or fail to support ourselves adequately and become wounded again and again. Intelligently managing this wounding can open the heart. Inability to do so leads to the perceived need to hold on to and remember what has wounded us, in an attempt to avoid further wounding. Turning painful episodes into living lessons breaks this circle, making it safe to forget and making our pain serve spiritual and emotional growth.

–Think of “forgetting” like this: Suppose you have something important on your list of things to do. Knowing it has yet to be done makes it stick in your mind. Once you have accomplished it, you can forget it because it is done and in the past. You know you have done it, yet it is empty of charge.

–How do we cease to regard as evil something that caused us harm? We may practice with less charged issues to learn this. By seeing into and accepting the human motivations that drive another person’s behavior we release judgment. We do not then view such behavior as ideal, but this can release the intensity of the charge we carry about it. When we recognize such motivations clearly we trust ourselves to avoid being harmed and our charge lessens further.

–When we have done wrong ourselves, making a clear distinction between our ideals–the Highest Option–and the dictates of ego initiates change of attitude. Engaging our hearts with our ideals and using positive remorse without guilt helps to realign intention. We release any claims we hold against ourselves when we are certain that we will not do the same thing again.

How do YOU manage forgiveness?

What does it take to be around people whose behavior is offensive without taking harm?

“It is of no use to try and prove to be what in reality you are not.” ~ Inayat Khan

“My bare feet! Step gently on life’s path, lest the thorns lying on the way should murmur at being trampled upon by you.”  ~ Inayat Khan

Self recognition and easier relations with others are the purposes of becoming aware of ones level of development. It is not beneficial to make comparisons with value judgments in mind. Ego must take the back seat so neutral observation can drive. Mind uses contrast to learn
discernment. Meanwhile, heart continues to seek Unity with all beings.

The transition from becoming confused about who we are, over-giving, or disappearing in an attempt to fit in with others to learning how to hold our own internal shape and space during personal interaction can be challenging. The focus changes from seeking external support to sustaining internal sources of support. This growth requires being able to recognize our own experience.

Highly sensitive and intuitive people with comprehensive values are often uncomfortable interfacing closely with people who cannot understand our experience. Clear observation of what an individual actually can and cannot do helps to create reasonable expectations and leads to easier interaction.

These elements tend to be overlooked by those who have not had such experience:

—The ways sensitivity is accommodated by the body, the including super-sensitive nervous, immune and hormonal systems that accompany super-keen sensing
—How hard it can be to arrive at self acceptance, without feeling something is wrong when one is uncomfortable and others do not understand it
—How painful, expensive, and shaming it can be to seek help and be told that nothing is the matter
—That symptoms are often positive adjustments to inner growth while the body and energy systems shift to support accelerated change
—That symptoms with neurological, energy, or karmic elements do not respond to ordinary measures
—How intense it is to be inundated with external energies and impressions
—What it feels like to have a cascade of hormones and emotions secondary to immune system over-activation
—The hugely varied and odd sensations, experiences, and direct perceptions some of us go through, and the unusual capacities that spring from integrating them
—How tiring and overwhelming it can be to process abnormal amounts of incoming information, and to sort what is valid, important, and meaningful from what is not
—The amount of Inner Work it takes to know one’s self well enough to do the above
—The Direct Knowing that can develop from acutely sensitive awareness of energy
—The comprehensive values that develop from having to do so
—What it takes to develop confidence in a world where one is not in the norm
—The discomfort of continually fielding projections, judgments and assumptions from those who do not understand
—How odd it feels to discover one has developed a new capacity or ability in which one has never really believed
—How confusing it can be to feel drawn through compassion to help others, even when doing so may be draining or harmful to one’s self
—How draining and isolating it can be to try to explain these things to people who don’t get it

Communicating these experiences be frustrating—and is often pointless. Someone without similar experience usually does not correctly assimilate or maintain what one tells them. They reinterpret what one says according to what they can understand, or suggest ways to fix things that are not problems.

Even with compassion for the person doing so, being given “feedback,” from someone who cannot see what is actually going on can be very annoying.

Speaking now for myself: When someone clueless is actively trying to impose their perceptual boxes onto me, and imagine they are talking about ME, I find this disconnect emotionally painful. I can keep my mouth shut, attune to their needs and limitations, take care of my own needs, or withdraw—but I do not feel close, respected, or at ease.

In a capacity of service, I am pleased to adjust myself to someone else’s world. I respect clients as fellow travelers. Being asked to explain and justify myself when I am off duty is work. Spending time by myself is often preferable.

Integrating spirituality into personal life brings up the kind of challenges we’ve been discussing in the last few posts. Stepping into the generosity of global service by sending positive energy to All Beings is a beautiful way to counterbalance the distress I have been describing.

A brand new spiritual dance using the words from a prayer of Inayat Khan showed up in my head recently: “Thy light is in all forms, thy love in All Beings.” This vision helps me move from discomfort back into Love. It exemplifies a profound respect that does not rely on personality.

How do you feel respond when people who cannot comprehend your experience give you advice that does not serve you?

What do you do to maintain respect for those who repeatedly and unwittingly disrespect you?

“To offend a low person is like throwing a stone in the mud and getting splashed.” ~ Inayat Khan

We have all been exposed to the models in which those who are healthier or more developed take responsibility for those who are less healthy or developed. It is natural for parents to take responsibility for their children. Whether or not the same should apply with adults who act like children, the onus of responsibility in many situations tends to fall on the person with the most capacity and perspective.

Do we step forward, or step back?

Becoming a bodhisattva is the goal of Mahayana Buddhism. The bodhisattva refers to a human being committed to the attainment of Enlightenment for the sake of others, who postpones Enlightenment in order to help all others to attain it.

Feel free to correct me or to extrapolate: The I-Ching and “The Tao of Leadership” encourage those who are highly capable to learn to carry on as if we had no skills, and to function invisibly, so we are not used up by those who carry on foolishly or still need to learn basics.

Both approaches offer wisdom.

Different teachings support different natures. Spiritual advice designed for self absorbed people becomes toxic when taken to heart by over-givers.

Empaths already tend feel we are not being compassionate if we see someone in distress that we can address but step back instead of stepping forward. Spiritual or religious rhetoric about taking care of others can aggravate these issues.

It is healthy for those who put other’s needs first to talk about and work through this type of distress.

As a person with a great array of competencies, I find myself unsupported by Western cultural assumptions. People with talent are pressured to advertise, extend, seek notoriety, and to ‘make something of’ ourselves until our lives become burdened with a numbing plethora of superficial contacts.

Being around people who do not or will not take responsibility for themselves or aspects of their behavior is its own kind of painful. A classic example of this is watching someone you love drink themselves to death. Watching people eating allergens, making bad decisions, refusing to exercise, and acting in ways that block intimacy can evoke pain too—especially if we are confused about whether or not to help.

Whether it’s a parent with Alzheimers or ‘child’ living at home long well into adulthood, most of us face these issues at some point. Our responses vary as do our natures. There is also a karmic thread. Situations that look similar may have totally different exigencies.

It is a cultural necessity to carry those who are truly incapable. But what about the negligent, and the entitled—those who are capable yet choose to demand from others instead of doing what they can? Supporting them is not a service—yet they fight if we refuse.

Do we endure those who act like children, demanding of ourselves that we remain loving and compassionate when someone causes unnecessary suffering? If we do NOT step away, certainly we must find an accommodation by which we can be loving without being drained.

Unless the Love we engage is Universal–and therefore includes care for self–we are apt to consume healthy lives in care for the damaged or unwilling.

Questions for your consideration:

When is stepping away from responsibility to others a way of being responsible to one’s self?

If we take service to those who are less developed as a spiritual value, how do we remain balanced?

How far is it healthy to go to be of assistance to others?

What do you need to do to balance between your own needs and those of the people you love?

What if these people are unable to recognize or address YOUR needs?

What signs let you know when you are sacrificing too much?

“When a defect becomes common, it is considered as the normal state by the generality.” ~ Inayat Khan

These behaviors indicate the kind of personal development I have been referring to in the last few posts:

—the ability to accurately self observe
—familiarity with one’s defenses and ability to see them in action
—having a healthy relationship with power
—the ability to observe everything one does not like about one’s self without losing at least partial objectivity or self love, including any abuses of power
—having established an observing center of consciousness that is present and operates like the hub of a wheel, like the still point within all personality manifestations
—the ability to be consistent over time, when choosing to do so
—a high degree of personal congruence between thought, speech, and action
—being able to observe and acknowledge lack of congruence or inconsistency without activating defensive behaviors
—knowing where one’s blind spots are and being willing to recognize and explore them if someone points them out
—the ability to intentionally produce authentic positive states
—the ability to observe one’s reactive emotional states without overly identifying with them, while simultaneously in touch with parts of Self that are not in reaction

Obviously, if someone cannot self assess accurately, they will be unable to evaluate their relationship with the above capacities.

Again, we are not consistent. We have aspects of ourselves that are more developed, and aspects which are less. We are susceptible to conditions, circumstances, physiology, and many other influences that can conspire to activate hidden places we have not mined, or push us beyond our ability to cope. For those on a path of development and awareness, it can be said that these stresses not only SHOW us what we are made of, but BUILD who we become. 

Given that the pressures of life assist in bringing out who we are and in forming who we become, by what basis do you determine whether or not a difficult set of circumstances serves you? 

Comfort may keep one embedded in habitual conditions that do not support Awakening. 

How do we determine whether or not a stressful situation serves us? Here are some useful questions or potential guidelines for your consideration:

—Am I able to learn through the distress this situation brings up?
—Does this distress further my development?
—Am I discovering something new, or repeating something?
—Am actively in the process of learning how to engage with the same circumstances in ways that do not evoke distress?
—If the situation is resistant to change, are there any elements of the situation that CAN be modified, that will take pressure off of it? What would I need to do to enact this change? How can I enable myself to do so?
—Does my intuition support remaining in the situation?
—Do I sense a karmic aspect to this situation? If so, what does it call for?
—What would I need to do or learn to create a sense of resolution?
—Is remaining in this situation the Highest Possible Option at this point in time?

While they can certainly help, even clear guidelines do not always transfer into the messiness of life itself. Especially in moments of overwhelm, we may make choices that do not serve us. The more we seek to learn from these experiences and aim not to repeat them, the more reliably we can use them to enhance positive values.

When a situation becomes static and is not changing, it is time to do something different. Flatness or a deadened heart must not become a status quo. With the exception of conscious, living ritual, repetitive, scripted or patterned interactions usually consume time and life energy without offering much in return.

How do YOU sense whether a stressful set of circumstances is useful to you?

How do you make use of stressful circumstances?

What does it take to keep you engaged if the conditions are difficult?

“Truth alone is success, and real success is truth.” ~Inayat Khan

“Reality itself is its own evidence.” ~Inayat Khan

Last night I had a delightful discussion walking with a dear friend. He’s a psychotherapist, highly involved in spiritual and self development groups. I suggested that we discuss “the specifics of the personality’s defense structure in relation to an individual’s capacity to self observe.” We had fun with that one.

I can’t say how relieved I was when he synchronistically brought up the exact conundrums I’ve been chewing on in this post series. He spoke about several spiritual traditions, and their descriptions of the perception and behavior that accompany different levels of initiation.

Models are not necessarily important to me. What is important to me is experience and resolution of distress.

I know, accept, and agree that in ultimate consciousness we are all, already, God. That is a cosmic truth. Simultaneously, on human planes of experience, we DO have different capacities to perceive, to self observe, and to express mastery within our lives.

Over the last few posts I’ve been building a context for several key points. I am seeking to communicate how difficult it can be and what it feels like to be fairly developed and to interface intimately with people who are not as self aware as they THINK they are. This is not about ego. It is not about being better than someone. It’s about trying to sort myself out and get clear about who I am, rectifying self observation with actualities.

I must assume that some of you are in your own processes about this.

If I were to lay out the body of knowledge—which I do not know—about levels of initiation and their related criteria, this would objectify the context. I might also lose most of you. I still begin to glaze over when my walking friend goes into the details.

It was frustrating and made me sad when I could not get through the leader’s defenses at the recent retreat. My walking friend described exactly how the defenses work in those who teach spiritually but have not resolved them, and which layers of defense persist the longest as one develops. I felt relieved and understood.

I am still chewing on Therese’s comment about 5 blogs back: I totally agree that we must accept where people are at, and be able to step away. I also perceive value in the ideals and processes that make me choose engagement over disengagement more often than it serves me.

I need to balance my passionate values and willingness, with applying my good discernment to CHOOSE whether to engage or step away from moment to moment.

Working with what Life gives us to manage is another value that yields important rewards in facing parts of ourselves we would not otherwise encounter. Balancing this value with a genuine need to step away is a delicate art. Such a choice is best made from our highest motivations, from not habit, policy or merely to avoid discomfort.

A friend just called me. Her partner (also a friend) said something that hit a sort point. It was readily evident to me that his comment was shaped by his defense structure. It had nothing to do with her. She was confused because he tends to be highly aware and emotionally appropriate.

In a conversation about the topics over the last few blogs, he pointed out: “We can be highly developed in many areas while other parts of ourselves lag behind.”

It can be confusing when someone who is usually self aware makes a comment from of a part of themselves that is less developed.

Self awareness is both subjective and objective. Self observation provides a degree of objectivity toward our subjectivity. In result, we do not become consumed by or fully identify with our emotions or states. This confers perspective and supports growth.

Advanced self awareness is not about what we THINK we are, it rectifies experience with actualities. We need reflection and interaction with actual peers or those who are more developed than we are to achieve this. As we develop, there are fewer people who can reflect us accurately.

Relating gets complicated when people we interact with project onto us what THEY are or think—especially if they do it with a lot of misguided conviction. Sometimes I still get confused when I receive ‘reflections’ that are not aligned with who I know myself to be—or perhaps even who they are themselves! When one is sensitive to energy, the person’s conviction and sincerity can create confusion about who we are as we take that in. This compounded when the person does not know who THEY are and lacks continuity from moment to moment.

I described to my healer an interaction during which someone was making demands of me that had no basis in the reality of who I am. His concepts of where I was coming from, what I was doing, and how meeting his demands could play out in actuality were skewed. My healer smiled gently and said with compassion, “It’s like he’s asking you for a square football.”

What is the difference between THINKING you are developed in some way and actually BEING developed in that way?

What causes a gap between the two?

How it is possible to address this gap?

“Raise us above the distinctions and differences that divide.” ~Inayat Khan

“He who is a riddle to another is a puzzle to himself.” ~Inayat Khan

It is ‘politically and spiritually correct’ to carry on as if we are all at the same level of development. We are not.

Social and spiritual pressure to pretend to feel ways that we do not feel is counterproductive. PC rhetoric confuses people. Pressure to conform to an external code encourages inauthentic action. Real change is supported by making errors and receiving instructive social feedback from intelligent people who care. Codification is no substitute.

From an advanced spiritual perspective—when we view others through the heart—our differences do not interfere with our experience of Unity. Those who are quite advanced in personal and spiritual development may have moved past the developmental stages I discuss below. Meanwhile, most of us are still slugging it out in the sandbox.

Let’s take a basic and innocent example of lack of integration:

As the ever sweet, lovely, Therese described in response to Post #53: “I recently discovered a person can be honest and contradict themselves in the span of two sentences. They truly don’t remember what they just said in the previous sentence.”

Seeking to resolve a complex issue with someone who lacks sufficient continuity becomes circular, meandering, and perhaps pointless unless one directs the conversation as a therapist might. This makes the effort draining or even useless in personal relations, and spawns nonproductive conflict. The same issues recur and recur without resolution. One must assume that the same thing occurs within the individual, which is why they so often remain stuck.

Intimate relations tend to be a rallying ground where our less developed aspects show up.

Therese’s is a clear and simple example of the type of realization someone who experiences a greater degree of personal continuity might wake up to.

Most of us long to fit in. We tend to view others through the lens through which we view ourselves. It can take years of work to sufficiently sort one’s self out from others to notice our assets instead of connecting the dots and getting a false picture of others.

Such realizations, while freeing, can be lonely and bittersweet. On the up side, seeing ourselves distinct from others and being clearly aware of actualities aids in forming authentic connections, releasing unrealistic expectations, and increasing self reliance.

I want to emphasize that compassionate, intuitive people often start out thinking we are just like everyone else, especially if we pick up their energy.

Before we can recognize and respect ourselves, others are unlikely to do so. Naturally, they will also take us to be like them. We may become confused by that psychic input and take ourselves to be like them in ways that we are not. Social pressure to see everyone as being the same exacerbates this confusion.

Note:
*Those who are more developed are not BETTER, but do have different challenges.

**It is not unusual to be advanced in some types of development while simultaneously behind the learning curve in others. I am talking about certain kinds of experience, not attempting classification.

Whether or not one identifies their stage of development as part of the puzzle, those who are fairly spiritually developed may have trouble fitting in, or finding classes that truly stimulate and support. Most classes and groups cater to the first few levels, which involve a larger number of people. When advanced intermediate training is not available, people jump into leadership without it, producing leaders without sufficient self reflection to recognize and guide precocious students.

In some ways the challenges of those who are more developed are more difficult. In other ways they are not. Struggling with, for example, survival or addiction is not any easier than struggling with being highly sensitive to energy and lack of cogent feedback. Whatever our station in life, distress calls for compassion.

In my twenties I told my first spiritual teacher, “The broader my back gets the more they heap upon it!” I was talking about unseen guides and the Universe.

As usual, he knew exactly what I was talking about, and said, “Well then the load is just about the same!”

The challenging learning curve has an evolutionary function. Distress forces self reflection in those who seek insight, hence it promotes spiritual development. Seeking to make our difficulties spiritually useful helps.

Let me be sure to say: I do daily practices to develop love for persons at all levels of development. That includes the parts of ME that are not developed!

I will describe later what I mean by development.

Do you ever feel distress and frustration realizing that someone close to you views you through a lens that cannot embrace your insight, values, capabilities, and needs?

Can you accept and address this distress, or do you tell yourself you “should be” nicer, more loving, a better person, even more understanding, etc. when you feel it?

“Right and wrong depend upon attitude and situation, not upon the action.” ~ Inayat Khan

Some spiritual schools encourage students to remain together in situations that spawn conflict. Aspirants develop by finding some way to come to real peace while remaining in relationship with the people around them.

As a powerful person who tends to speak out, I still suffer when I step on someone’s toes. Some years back I went so far as to bring this up with one of the world’s top humanistic astrologers. I wanted to start this blog, and was worried that I might offend people. I asked him to look at my chart and tell me how I could step into a more public view without evoking irritation or causing distress.

His response shocked me. He said that waking people up–even to the extent of being somewhat abrasive–is part of my purpose on the planet. He went on to say that the problem was not that I stir things up, but that I feel bad about it afterward. He cited this backlash of oversensitivity as the problem, not boldly expressing my views. He went on to mention people who enjoy celebrity status precisely FOR the kind of behaviors I was hoping to eradicate.

The more powerful we become and the more developed we are, the more our actions require balance, compassion, and discernment. Since I believe that it is important to speak out and do not have a thick skin, I must develop mastery.

I believe in feedback. I believe that if we all speak our objections, respectfully, when companies act in ways that cause large numbers of people unnecessary stress, that this will eventually a difference. I believe that when a company or an individual acts in ways that are offensive, we serve others by speaking up. Participation and involvement are important, and can be civic-minded.

We have different natures. We are not called upon to act identically. The saint accepts everything without complaint. In contrast, those on a path of mastery seek to adapt the world to the highest common denominator. Both paths are valid.

I do not believe in moving to the lowest common denominator to keep an awkward semblance of harmony when I might be able to inspire or create something greater.

Some may say it is arrogance to think we can know what this may be, but I will say this is the way the world goes round and how we learn. I seek to move from my heart instead of imposing some idea out of a mental judgement or a false sense of superiority; to remain in a spirit of unity and service. I would rather make mistakes than to fail to act when I am moved to do so.

I don’t want to burn myself out with the ‘unreachable dream’ racket. I aim to move from inspiration, not compulsion. I want to be lucid about what is mine to do and what is not.

I do not believe in cookie-cutter solutions that rely on rules instead. In addition to the particulars of the moment, whether or not our actions are of benefit depends on:

—our motivations
—whether we are acting from strength or from perceived weakness
—our willingness to self observe
—how successfully we can stay in our hearts
—the physiology, tensions, and conditions that influence our body language
—how skillfully we have apprehended the actual situation
—the exact timing of our actions
—the capacity of others to respond within this timing

I believe that the world is a better place when we bring forth our authentic voice and contribute our views–with the caveat that we do so as kindly as we are able.

What do YOU believe?

What is our civic responsibility?

What is our spiritual responsibility?

When and how is helping wake one another up part of our karmic purpose?