Positive Energy Guide

We have it backwards: “You don’t get love by being good, you get good by being love.” ~TD

Issues about whether or not we deserve love are relics from childhood. Divine Love is not earned. Some might call it a birthright. I agree—but with prejudice. “Birthright” language evokes entitlement, which is often toxic. It also presupposes that we are separate from Source. Having the right to something brings up the sense of not having it, and having to demand it.

But where would we demand Love from? This again smacks of childhood wounding.

From an energy perspective, to invite higher Love we need to resonate with it. To resonate with Divine Love we become it. This means finding, sensing and feeling the quality of such Love inside—and amplifying it. Doing this is an act of creation. This does not mean it relies on fantasy. Fantasy is a sidetrack. The path is to locate the resonance of Love inside by learning to focus and call it forth from within. Then we blow on that like an ember. This takes spiritual work. Anything that stands in the way must be embraced—but not allowed to stand as a distraction.

When we have something, we can give it away. If we do not have it, it is not ours. Having Love means receiving it first. When we seek that in other people we are bound to be disappointed, as we probably were in childhood.

We do need to generate love for ourselves—but we need to catch the perfume or resonance of it somewhere in order to really grasp just what it is we are seeking. Finding Source can be very abstract. Most of us need one or more human role models to get a sense of how to ‘run’ that Love in our bodies.

The role model we choose is less important than learning to bring forth Love. Since I am writing this on Christmas eve, I would be remiss not to say that Christ could be one such model. Owing to various conceptions and experiences, that name aggravates some people, and many have belief systems that cause them to recoil from religion.

A current of Love and truth underlie and run through religions, but codes of belief do not in themselves produce the miracle called Love. Whether or not we are attracted to one or more religions, we take great benefit in identifying someone, somewhere, some time, who represents to us the possibility of being a human who is capable of experiencing and expressing the vibration of Divine Love. The word “God” can be too abstract, and also laden with freight. “Source” is abstract as well.

From where do we receive the impressions that stimulate in us true inspiration?

This is a wonderful question to ponder in this inward time of year, when we long to bring forth true joy, blessing and generosity.

Ideal Love will be a little bit different for different individuals, depending exactly which vibration of the rainbow of all love is key for that mind, heart, and soul to take the next step toward becoming it oneself. The being, saint, prophet, person, spiritual teacher, or element that inspires us may even change as we develop. It is important to learn to identify and allow our hearts to be impressed (like soft clay) by real Love when we see it, and to own as our privilege in being human, our right to enjoy and express that Love.

Having God’s love (change the g-word if it bugs you) means having it flow through us to others and into the world. It is not something we earn and then receive like an award for being a self or being good. It is something we cultivate and practice over many years or even lifetimes. Seeking to GET it enhances ego issues about deserving. We get more of it by giving. I am not talking about over-giving, driven by old wounds, I am talking about expressing from your heart.

No matter what is going on with us it is okay to allow Divine Love to come though us. If this depends on mood or being in a particular way, we will withhold it. When we let Love touch us despite our shortcomings it will help us to move beyond them, gently over time. Even if we do not move beyond them, our lives will have meaning and value because we have been vehicles for Love. There are no prerequisites. Concentration, attention and intention invite it. Noticing and making room for it when it comes helps sustain it. These are aids. There are no prerequisites.

Please feel free to comment.

I send you love in this traditional time of calling forth Light.

It is not unusual for intuitive people with big hearts to become drained in interactions, especially with people whose lack of clarity tend to call forth our intuitive skills. Here are behaviors and attitudes that help: 

Monitor your level of confusion carefully. When you begin to feel confused, take a step back and take inventory. Are you confused because of your own unclarity? If so, ask yourself questions to clarify your motives and needs. If you are confused, however, because someone is being confusing, you may make an effort to sort it out—but do not make heroic and exhaustive efforts. If the person actively resists your efforts to clarify what they mean or where they are coming from, take the following steps:

• Bring in compassion for yourself. Confusion is painful, and you are probably being kept at an emotional distance.
• Focus on connecting to Source, to the greater spiritual whole, so you feel connected instead of painfully isolated.
• Release your need to feel connected to the person. This does not mean you never connect. It means you take care of your energy first. If you try to connect, you make sure it’s not draining you.
• Tell the person that the interaction seems to be a lot of work. Ask them to get clear about what they are trying to communicate or what they want and get back to you when they know. Then they can do their own work internally instead of relying on you to do their work as well as your own.
• If the person continues to block your communication or makes it too much work, withdraw and try at another point in time.
• Comfort your Inner Child if you feel pain that the person is not connecting with you.
• Be clear about what you want from interaction. Do your needs belong in interaction, or are these needs the sort one must care for in one’s self, like the need for validation or approval?
• Quit being too “nice.” If the person is obstructing communication or out of touch, ask them directly to let you know what they want. It may be necessary to give them time to come up with it. If you choose to wait, spend the time practicing a simple energy-based, body-centered meditation, such as watching your breath. This helps with patience, nourishes you, and keeps you from picking up their energy. It works much better than defense, resistance, or most attempts to shield.
• Stay clear about who you are. Do not reinforce ego-based identity, just keep an eye out to see whether what the person says about you matches who you are. If you are clear, you are not defensive. Take in what they say and try it on to see if it resonates. If it doesn’t, push it back out. Let this be a relaxed and natural process, like eating and pooping.
• Notice if you start to get emotionally triggered. If so, delve right into your discomfort and find its core. What is the deepest and strongest emotion at play? What are you reminded of? What are you afraid of?
• Breathe into any body parts that get tight.
• Remind your young parts that you have adult resources now and can take care of your needs. Determine exactly what you can do yourself that will soothe and support you. Self support includes making appointments with professionals, but you still do what you can for yourself.
• Take breaks if the person becomes unreasonably demanding.
• Practice the skill of detachment. Detachment is not aloofness. Do not push anything away or resist, but relax any part of yourself that gets stuck to or wrapped around it. For example, let your relationship go—while staying right where you are. Leaving is unnecessary—unless it is necessary.
• Keep checking in with yourself as to whether your response of helping is coming from an ego pattern, old wound, or unconscious need. If so, stop. If helping stems from your essence or a clean desire to be of service it will not cause you problems.

Which of these skills is the most necessary in your current interactions?

At what point in your interactions do you need to employ them?

I have long experimented with unusual types of healing and energy work, to find out what I might experience. This practice helps me develop and extend my ability to sense a wide range of energies. Accumulated experience contributes to my capacity to recognize, track, and sometimes to understanding the energies at play.

One healer I saw in Maui removes entities (negative energies), and works with the subtle energy fields around the physical body. He works out of a Quonset hut chock full of spiritual statues, fat crystals, and photos of assorted spiritual masters.

His property is not easy to find. He does not take appointments, but has set hours two days a week and people simply show up. He has a donation box, instead of dealing directly with money, talks sparingly, and does not explain things. Sessions take only a few minutes. He sends people off with a page of energy meditations that help maintain the work. Despite his rather abrupt manner, this healer has treated over twenty thousand people. I believed him when he told me this because he is solid, focused, grounded, powerful, and clear.

This is to the right of the chair.

The work: He has an inverted metal pyramid with a crystal on it, which he put over my head and spun slowly, while he stood behind the chair and made observations about my energy fields.

This was my second visit. (I did not have any entities. 🙂 ) I was having trouble sleeping. He found that my “astral body was functioning at only 20 percent.” He said that the astral body is related to sleep. He did not explain—and I knew better than to ask—but told me he had brought it up to 80 percent. I can’t say I felt much, aside from a bit more robust in the fields around me. I did, however, begin to sleep better. . . .

. . . until I interfaced closely with a certain person. After some time I noticed a pattern: The more I interfaced with him the worse my sleep became, improving with breaks.

What was going on with this? One morning I woke up with a clear insight. The person was not functioning in reality. Tracking his energy to try and understand where he was coming from was draining my astral energy.

This is how it works: The astral world is ‘sideways-y,’ according to one of my early spiritual teachers. Astral energy mainly runs horizontally. This tends to remove it from connection with Guidance, which comes in via the vertical axis and lifts one’s perspective. When someone is in the sideways inner worlds of projection, or in past ‘movies’ (intense visual memories), their energy loops around or spills out into astral space. This energy usually relates to arrested developmental stages or traumatic events. Separation anxiety or anger with a parent, for example, is stuck in their body and energy systems. Along with words and thoughts, they will project this energy out onto a real person, who they have cast in the parent role in their inner movie.

When I go into synch with that kind of energy I tend to ruminate, worry and speculate. Balanced presence and constructive action are unlikely from that energy matrix.

Since I am highly sensitive to incongruence between word, speech, and energy, discerning between projections and communication that may have something more personal to do with me can take focused attention. If I track the energy to understand more clearly—a work-habit for me—I overuse and deplete my astral energy. Figuring this out has helped me take better care.

Do you overuse your astral energy or use too much energy reading others?

If so, how does that show up in your life?

I was initially tricked into going to Maui. At twenty-one years old, I had no interest in what I considered a tourist-trap where people went to indulge themselves. As it turns out, Maui could be considered my spiritual home.

When I landed in Maui at twenty-one, my boy friend was supposed to meet me. He taught Greek, and courses on raw foods, fasting, and intestinal cleansing. He was exceptionally smart. He could talk anyone into a paper bag and back out of it—but he was emotionally cowardly. After exhorting me to meet up with him, he left the island the morning of the day I flew in. His best friend Tim met me at the airport. Tim had studied healing with tribes in Africa. I think he was wearing Western garb instead of his loin cloth—which he’d been wearing the first time I’d met him. He had almost white hair, down to his waist, almost ice-clear pale blue eyes, and was quite darkly tanned.

Tim and I shared a tent for a few days. We maintained celibacy, despite the outrageously intense energy that practically crackled if we touched. I swear I could see spots of light where his tough, bare feet hit the ground when we hiked. Totally grounded and in the moment, Tim moved very evenly and rarely spoke. After a few days he managed to shake me off because I talked too much.

Over the next week I ran into Swami Sachadananda—who was a big deal in those days—by a waterfall. We hugged and I felt Light. Two days later, I went on a walk and discovered some people sitting on a hillock that had been hidden in brush, listening raptly to an Indian speaker. I sat down among them. The speaker was Krishnamurti. I also made a chance encounter with the person who set me on my spiritual path. Visiting later, on his land, I accidentally interrupted the man who thirty years later became my spiritual teacher. He was in the last day of a forty day retreat, and was not happy to see me. (For my part, I was shocked and trying to escape.)

I was intellectual and abstract up until this point in my life, averse to spirituality. In that location and at that timing I went through a marked change from the energies and influences to which I was then exposed.

My recent Maui trip gave me the opportunity to spend time with a number of developed healers and spiritual teachers, both during and after the scheduled event. I ran into Ram Dass the morning I left.

Ram Dass 11/2015

We have different options and experiences in different places on the globe. Each place has a different energy influence. Different days and periods of time also hold different possibilities. We tend to treat hours and days like empty containers, all the same size and shape. They are not.

What is possible in one moment is not an option in another.

Likewise, we tend to approach places expecting to be much the same person with the same interests, relationships, and values. Yet each place maintains a mystery of influence, sometimes trivial and at times profound. The influence and extent depend on our chemistry with the place. The timing at which we are exposed to the place amplifies, dampens or mediates its influence. The longer we remain at a place the more influence it exerts.

Learning to sense when to be where is life-changing.

Practice paying attention to the impact places have upon you.

Learn, if you can, to absorb the energy at places that have a good influence.

Practice sensing the best time for you to be somewhere. This can be as simple as leaving to go to the store at a moment when the energy supports it, instead of being automatic, or as challenging as feeling into the best time for a trip, an interview, a gathering, or time alone. Optimizing place and time improves life experience.

What places exert an impact on you, and what is it?

In what ways do you optimize your timing? Is this based on energy you perceive, intuition, logical considerations, feeling, or a combination of cues?

“The word that is not heard is lost.” ~Inayat Khan

Allowing and taking in influence, we take reflections we receive from someone we respect and actively incorporate their insight into our Inner Work. The next time we have a conversation with that person, the results of our previous communication are then reflected by changes in our orientation, manner, insights, and understanding.

Aware practitioners who do healing, therapy, or spiritual work notice when clients make the work their own, returning with a picture that has evolved.

Clients or friends who do NOT do their Inner Work return to the next conversation pretty much the same as they were before the last encounter.

In contrast, those of us who have developed a sense of continuity may maintain important conversations as active and ongoing processes, which we together build on over time. Carrying continuity of conversation when the
other person does not can make interaction draining.

In relationships between professionals and clients, satisfaction and a feeling of shared accomplishment arise when the client begins to actively internalize and practice what they receive. In contrast, working with clients who ONLY work in session can feel like shoveling gravel.

An insightful client once asked, “If I take in what you say and reflect on it, will it have an impact without you doing anything else?” I smiled, and decided to write about this.

I had just shared an insight. I could feel and see it go IN. Her energy fields received it. Her chakras opened to it. Her energy system shifted in response to what I said. When that happens I KNOW that it is something the person will hold within themselves. It becomes a part of their consciousness because they took it in and assimilated it. Insights or healing energy work best by becoming internal to those who receive them.

People who are ready and receptive take things in and reshape their reality. A change occurs within, changing the way they view things. Insights that are grasped and absorbed this way, with presence, involve the functions of sensing and feeling as well as thinking. Such insights contain and deliver a degree or charge of momentum toward change—whether or not we consciously remember their content or reflect upon them later.

When people do not do take outer work—such as insightful interchange—into their Inner Work, their energy and reality do not change from what they hear. The insight or energy does not become a part of their own fabric of Being. Even if they go away and cogitate (“go figure”), this theorizing and speculation are likely to remain buffered from real feeling, maintaining the habitual structure of a status quo.

When ones energy actually changes from hearing something and taking it in, Inner Work is occurring right in the moment. Inner Work is not something one must go away to do. Solitude can help with focus, but it is important to learn how to stay with and true to ourselves while relating to others.

One who is wedded to a status quo is challenged to flex and adjust in order to take in influence. Similarly, one who over-flexes and over-adjusts without a clear sense of self also has trouble maintaining positive influence, if they take it in. Any new program is quickly overwritten by whatever happenstance influence occurs next. This derails intentional positive influence and functions, if covertly, as a rigid status quo.

Without the precious step of internally working new understandings against (like rubbing against) the realities of life, with presence, self-observation and openness, one returns to status quo, which is often constructed by opinions, unexamined beliefs, and assumptions. Sensing and feeling are not adequately informing experience.

Someone who remains tightly compartmentalized controls the scope of influence so that results of apparent Work do not actually create change. Think of someone who is pretending to eat, cutting up the food and circulating it around the plate. He or she may want the appearance of or credit for Work—without its actual accomplishment. Time and energy are expended but the status quo remains untouched. Such a person may work at Working, and even receive support and attention for the same without taking things in deeply enough to stimulate transformation.

Rigid people can be draining to those who speak and listen with committed focus. Our words are lost instead of being mutually invested in the relationship, gaining value, interest and momentum over time.

My greatest joys are sharing with insightful friends as we hold and develop one another’s perceptions, deepening shared learning and stimulating mutual growth. Our conversations become a part of us as we cherish elements of our exchange over the course of months or years, keeping parts of our conversations on tap and developing shared humor.

Learning to take influence intentionally and to be intentional about our own influence on others increases both our sense of self and our experience of real intimacy with others.

What do you do internally when you want to open yourself to influence?

Are you confident when you invite influence that your sense of self and your power remain intact, or do you feel a need to deflect?

At a spiritual camp in Maui, I spent most of the week compressed into spaces full of people, owing to hard rain, I needed time being mobile and alone. Riding a bike down Haleakala Crater sounded fun, but since the energies of the day presaged some potential danger, I decided to hike up there instead. I headed up as soon as the weather cleared.

I had the uphill road to myself. Scores of cars and their drivers were returning from sunrise vigils. It was great to drive at my own pace, park easily, and walk into the Crater with few people to shatter its deafening silence.

The alien landscape in the Crater is not just silent, it is also desiccating, and thumbing with energy. The living, intense silence sounds like a high pitched Tibetan bowl from a long way off.

When I walk alone in nature I find myself spontaneously doing spiritual practice on my breath. I also feel out my intentions and guidance for moving forward along my life’s journey. If I have any emotional “stuff” in the background of awareness, or energy I need to clear, I work on myself. The rhythm of movement helps me process and aids inspiration.

As I traversed my way through miniature gravel and small volcanic rocks I was enchanted by the way light played on the varied colored earth of bare slopes and mounds. The bowl edge of the Crater helped me gather in big, loving, life energy, which I then sent deep into the ground. An enormous, vital rush of energy pulsed back to me, pleasurable and magnificent. My fields felt huge. Being up at 9000 feet with nothing around but earth and air felt like being an antenna. It brought me back to essentials.

My mind wandered for just a moment. I slipped, spraining an ankle. I sat in the screaming silence, holding my ankle in my hands and having a little talk with it. I have my own way of talking with my hands, moving a few tendons into place, checking the range of motion, and so forth. I told it that it was going to need to stay mobile until I could get out of the Crater. It hurt some, but I didn’t give it a chance to stiffen or inflame.

Walking uphill at altitude was a real workout, even though I’d taken supplements that increase oxygenation in lungs and muscles to help with altitude. I paced my breath with my steps, and with my heartbeat when I took short rests, still standing. I began to work with emotions that came up around hurting my ankle.

I was grateful that I could walk. The crater was still nearly deserted, which I loved. It had become so hot and dry that I that I could imagine expiring quickly in the naked and unrelenting sun. This was silly; the post-sunrise hikers would be along shortly—and they were. I also had water, sunscreen, and appropriate clothing.

Two men came around the corner and stopped, facing me. One beamed at me. He had lovely teeth and eyes and an open heart. He asked, “How ARE you doing?” Given his emphasis and their rapt attention, I told them about my ankle.

The other man said, “I usually bring some poles and just give them to people, but I didn’t today. I’m sorry.” I smiled at these beneficent angels and told them I was doing fine.

Driving down, down, down the hairpin curves on the mountain’s edge, above the clouds, I wanted to get back to the place I was staying, ice my ankle, and connect with a woman who had been staying there before she left. I pushed the speed limit a bit. Two park rangers appeared behind me in Land Rovers. I pulled over and let them pass, along with a small truck, then popped in behind. We rolled down the mountain like a convoy, moving faster than I would on my own. They knew every turn and drove the perfect speed.

I returned feeling expanded and relaxed, despite the sprain.

Do you allow yourself time alone in nature? What is that like for you?

Can you hear the silence in high mountains or deep caves?

Indifference and independence are the two wings which enable the soul to fly. ~Inayat Khan

Indifference! My most intimate friend, I am sorry I have always to act against thee as thy opponent. ~Inayat Khan

Emptiness has a special kind of power that supports right use of other forms of power. Emptiness helps to develop sensitivity when power becomes too bold, and power when sensitivity makes us too delicate, by bringing us into the present without engrained and automatic agendas.

Emptiness increases freedom. Emptiness confers the inestimable freedom of being able to act without preconception. Simultaneously, emptiness confers the ability to relax the impulse to act when we feel compelled to do something.

This ability is especially important with respect to using power. Using power cleanly, without force, requires being able not only to restrain ego expression, but to empty oneself of it, so ones motivational force does not interfere. Suppressing that force is like pushing Jack down into the box—he will pop up later, at an unexpected moment.

Releasing claims and urges through true emptiness enables one to use the power of intention for the highest good. Expressions of power from this place of indifference toward lower expressions of self have a totally different flavor. True freedom is freedom from compulsion. Clean power is power that is not driven by compulsion.

A client delighted me by saying, “It is amazing that grace can come from somewhere or through someone unexpected. People can surprise you if you don’t hold them in your mind as being incapable of it.” Her insight shows one beautiful way that emptying oneself of prejudiced opinion also confers freedom on others.

Balancing the above: Those of us who make it a point to keep the door of possibility open for others need to remember to see and accept people AS THEY ARE NOW. Excessive hope becomes toxic. Contrary to the usual interpretation: acceptance does not necessarily mean approving of people’s choices and behaviors. Accepting means allowing that they ARE that way. We need to notice what happens when we hold open that door, so we can keep from compromising our well being.

Why does Inayat Khan say, in the quote at the top, that indifference is a friend, yet one he must act against? This is a useful inquiry for those of us who have been developing compassion. We can be eaten alive by users if we do not learn to employ indifference to counterbalance excessive attachment, involvement, identification with the suffering of others, and sensing of others’ needs and states. We need to be able to step back when excessive compassion creates burnout. Since Inayat Khan had a loving heart that embraced the Universe, indifference would have been a needed friend. At the same time, connecting as One requires great love, as does kindness, teaching, healing, and holding a sacred mission.

Allowing indifference to be a friend without identifying with it allows us to work against it in order to develop greater love and compassion. It walks beside us like a friend giving counsel, helping us to release unbalanced motives, to empty ourselves of the impulse to take side roads that distract from greater purpose.

Emptiness is protective. Emptiness keeps us from wasting energy on things that are not our spiritual job. It can protects our energy by freeing us from errors of over-investment and injudicious action.

Emptiness also provides transparency to influence. Other people and conditions cannot influence us without our permission when we are able to attend to emptiness. When empty, we are not susceptible to picking up unwanted energy. External energies require some type of sticky investment, motivation, identification, etc. to enter into our personal energy fields. Emptiness gives negative energies nothing on which to attach. As ever, faking it won’t work. That just pushes the energy somewhere else in our fields. Releasing investment and reaction protects our energy.

Are YOU more prone to excessive attachment or excessive indifference, or do you swing between them?

What do you do to bring yourself into balance between freedom and love?

“The only way to live in the midst of inharmonious influences is to strengthen the will power and endure all things, yet keeping fineness of character and nobility of manner together with an ever-living heart full of love.”  ~ Inayat Khan

“There are several ways to reach and hold this stage. One is through Darood–to hold tight to the Divine Thought on the breath. Keep unbroken concentration no matter what the occurrence or cause for complaint. Stay focused, and concentrate all thought upon Allah [That Which Is] so that nothing another says, does, or thinks can affect the mind. Then the mind is protected and the karmic reaction strikes the other.

“At the same time, the heart should be kept pure for even the thought of another as other, even the idea of dualism with favorable opinions is not conducive to the spiritual welfare of any party concerned. Heart full of love is heart that does not conceive of differences, which holds another as the self, which feels all people as the offspring of the one Divine Parent.”  ~ Murshid Samuel Lewis

Below are my reflections, which are useful only to the extent that they evoke insight and lead to a qualitative change of perspective or a more open heart:

–Doing this practice depends on a fairly substantial degree of mastery over one’s focus of attention.

–One would need to already be able to experience Unity to practice effectively.

–While eschewing “even the idea of dualism,” this practice requires the presence of mind to notice ones need for
it yet simultaneously hold the heart in a state of Unity. At first glance this might appear to be a division of state, which would involve an experience of duality. Dualism is a state of mind. The divisions exist only in concept. One can be aware of an Inner Child trigger, for example, yet continue to also remain in an adult state, observing reactivity without engaging it. In the same way it is possible to notice that one is experiencing inharmonious influences and choose to engage fully in spiritual practice, emphasizing heart. Doing this requires enough self awareness and self acceptance to keep from suppressing or denying negative feeling. One embraces all feeling and sincerely makes love a higher priority.

–It is interesting that when one can prevent one’s mind from being affected by another person’s disharmony a karmic reaction impacts that person, rather than of being absorbed.

Understanding this dynamic is easier if one takes the perspective of being the person with the disharmony. This way there is something–not an absence of something–to observe. Consider a time when you have been out of balance and around someone who is smooth and even. I know when I have been in this situation, I have felt a weird sense of discomfort in my solar plexus almost ricochet back into me if I send out energy that wasn’t warranted. I always thought this was conscience. Perhaps it is a karmic reaction. Then again, perhaps a twinge of conscience reflects ones karma in that moment.

–The ability to prevent other people from impacting us negatively without shutting them out or holding them as other, reducing the karma or binding energy in our interactions is a worthy goal.

–These quotes point to the ongoing challenge of energy protection. This solution has the advantages of being permanent and integrated, with spiritual benefit. It is a different mindset than defensive or Band-Aid type ways of managing negative energy. Since effective energy mastery takes time to develop, those who are sensitive to energy may need to use other methods in the short term.

What do YOU do to manage being around inharmonious influences?

Does it feel possible to you to feel loving connection while around irritating conditions or individuals?

What brings you closer to this ability?

“The first step toward forgiveness is to forget.” ~ Inayat Khan

“That is to say, remove all remembrance of the act from the mind. The one who has done wrong does this best by a complete change of attitude, so great a change that the mind will not again succumb to a similar temptation, will not permit the ego to sway it in the wrong direction. Those who have been wronged should steel themselves against being wronged again. In the first stage, one completely erases all recollection from the mind or ceases to regard the deed as an evil one–especially if one has learned a living lesson through the experience. This prepares one for the higher condition which is not to be insulted, not be wronged or hurt by another. This shows real spiritual advancement on the part of a person, that he or she is not affected or harmed by the acts, thoughts, or words of another.” ~ Murshid Samuel Lewis

The second quote is Murshid Sam’s commentary on Inayat Khan’s quote. I would like to share my reflections of them:

–This practice requires being in several internal places at the same time; able to be in touch with negative emotion without being run by it, so as to pick the Highest Option.

–Steeling oneself from being wronged again is an interesting construct. Paradoxically, doing this requires memory. This quote is like a tongue twister for the mind. How do we steel ourselves against being wronged? Doing this requires correct assessment of the situation, personal responsibility without blame, an intelligent readjustment to circumstances via a change in behavior, and the memory and mastery to maintain this adjustment going forward.

This being done, it is possible to “forget” the negative impact that occurred, knowing one has taken action to prevent it from occurring again. As we practice this we are moving toward a state of clear observation and understanding of the actual capacities of others, from which we are not likely to be surprised or offended by what they do. Once we remove any behavior on our own part that invites an inappropriate response, they do what they do because of themselves, not because of us. When we become fully responsible for our responses and vulnerabilities we see what others do without taking it personally and are less apt to feel harmed, or to place ourselves in positions in which harm may occur.

–When open-heartedness outpaces personal mastery, we find ourselves forgiving without learning how to keep from being wronged. The wounding that sustains this condition becomes circular as we place ourselves in situations or fail to support ourselves adequately and become wounded again and again. Intelligently managing this wounding can open the heart. Inability to do so leads to the perceived need to hold on to and remember what has wounded us, in an attempt to avoid further wounding. Turning painful episodes into living lessons breaks this circle, making it safe to forget and making our pain serve spiritual and emotional growth.

–Think of “forgetting” like this: Suppose you have something important on your list of things to do. Knowing it has yet to be done makes it stick in your mind. Once you have accomplished it, you can forget it because it is done and in the past. You know you have done it, yet it is empty of charge.

–How do we cease to regard as evil something that caused us harm? We may practice with less charged issues to learn this. By seeing into and accepting the human motivations that drive another person’s behavior we release judgment. We do not then view such behavior as ideal, but this can release the intensity of the charge we carry about it. When we recognize such motivations clearly we trust ourselves to avoid being harmed and our charge lessens further.

–When we have done wrong ourselves, making a clear distinction between our ideals–the Highest Option–and the dictates of ego initiates change of attitude. Engaging our hearts with our ideals and using positive remorse without guilt helps to realign intention. We release any claims we hold against ourselves when we are certain that we will not do the same thing again.

How do YOU manage forgiveness?

What does it take to be around people whose behavior is offensive without taking harm?

“It is of no use to try and prove to be what in reality you are not.” ~ Inayat Khan

“My bare feet! Step gently on life’s path, lest the thorns lying on the way should murmur at being trampled upon by you.”  ~ Inayat Khan

Self recognition and easier relations with others are the purposes of becoming aware of ones level of development. It is not beneficial to make comparisons with value judgments in mind. Ego must take the back seat so neutral observation can drive. Mind uses contrast to learn
discernment. Meanwhile, heart continues to seek Unity with all beings.

The transition from becoming confused about who we are, over-giving, or disappearing in an attempt to fit in with others to learning how to hold our own internal shape and space during personal interaction can be challenging. The focus changes from seeking external support to sustaining internal sources of support. This growth requires being able to recognize our own experience.

Highly sensitive and intuitive people with comprehensive values are often uncomfortable interfacing closely with people who cannot understand our experience. Clear observation of what an individual actually can and cannot do helps to create reasonable expectations and leads to easier interaction.

These elements tend to be overlooked by those who have not had such experience:

—The ways sensitivity is accommodated by the body, the including super-sensitive nervous, immune and hormonal systems that accompany super-keen sensing
—How hard it can be to arrive at self acceptance, without feeling something is wrong when one is uncomfortable and others do not understand it
—How painful, expensive, and shaming it can be to seek help and be told that nothing is the matter
—That symptoms are often positive adjustments to inner growth while the body and energy systems shift to support accelerated change
—That symptoms with neurological, energy, or karmic elements do not respond to ordinary measures
—How intense it is to be inundated with external energies and impressions
—What it feels like to have a cascade of hormones and emotions secondary to immune system over-activation
—The hugely varied and odd sensations, experiences, and direct perceptions some of us go through, and the unusual capacities that spring from integrating them
—How tiring and overwhelming it can be to process abnormal amounts of incoming information, and to sort what is valid, important, and meaningful from what is not
—The amount of Inner Work it takes to know one’s self well enough to do the above
—The Direct Knowing that can develop from acutely sensitive awareness of energy
—The comprehensive values that develop from having to do so
—What it takes to develop confidence in a world where one is not in the norm
—The discomfort of continually fielding projections, judgments and assumptions from those who do not understand
—How odd it feels to discover one has developed a new capacity or ability in which one has never really believed
—How confusing it can be to feel drawn through compassion to help others, even when doing so may be draining or harmful to one’s self
—How draining and isolating it can be to try to explain these things to people who don’t get it

Communicating these experiences be frustrating—and is often pointless. Someone without similar experience usually does not correctly assimilate or maintain what one tells them. They reinterpret what one says according to what they can understand, or suggest ways to fix things that are not problems.

Even with compassion for the person doing so, being given “feedback,” from someone who cannot see what is actually going on can be very annoying.

Speaking now for myself: When someone clueless is actively trying to impose their perceptual boxes onto me, and imagine they are talking about ME, I find this disconnect emotionally painful. I can keep my mouth shut, attune to their needs and limitations, take care of my own needs, or withdraw—but I do not feel close, respected, or at ease.

In a capacity of service, I am pleased to adjust myself to someone else’s world. I respect clients as fellow travelers. Being asked to explain and justify myself when I am off duty is work. Spending time by myself is often preferable.

Integrating spirituality into personal life brings up the kind of challenges we’ve been discussing in the last few posts. Stepping into the generosity of global service by sending positive energy to All Beings is a beautiful way to counterbalance the distress I have been describing.

A brand new spiritual dance using the words from a prayer of Inayat Khan showed up in my head recently: “Thy light is in all forms, thy love in All Beings.” This vision helps me move from discomfort back into Love. It exemplifies a profound respect that does not rely on personality.

How do you feel respond when people who cannot comprehend your experience give you advice that does not serve you?

What do you do to maintain respect for those who repeatedly and unwittingly disrespect you?