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23 October 2017 7 Comments

Emotional Overload? Do Something Real!

Emotional Overload? Do Something Real!

The energies are quite intense these last few days and lot of people are feeling emotionally intense. Kindness, human connection, and simple action help with this type of energy.

This morning I felt ready to blow a gasket after several full hours trying to get customer service help for an item I purchased and found defective. The phone system repeatedly disconnected me after long holds. The “chat” option led to useless and frustrating non-solutions. The email function on the website disappeared my email when I was almost finished, and so forth.

The problem with this kind of modern aggravation is that it is meaningless, draining, and since there is no possible target for the frustration, it amplifies feelings of helplessness. We deal with way too much of this kind of thing, wedged between the indifference of machines and the incompetence of people trained only to do something that’s not what we need.

Lately many of us are concerned or anxious about what is going on in the world, and don’t know what to do about it, making any additional frustration and helplessness hard to bear.

Sometimes small things can make a big difference in how we feel. Here are a few things I’ve done that reduced pressure and increased my sense of meaning and connection:

When I finally got a good customer service person, he was comfortable letting me express my frustration. IMG_8310Talking to a real human about my actual experience helped. I thanked him, told him they were lucky to have him, and offered to tell him a joke. He loved my joke, and said I was the only person in years of service who had told him one.

Authentic interchange is meaningful and relieves stress. Meaningful interaction usually requires authenticity, but it doesn’t require knowing someone.

I make it a point to ask for the person I like best at a business I order from weekly. This small adjustment makes the routine task more fun and connected when it might otherwise be mildly annoying. It adds humanity.

Out of business envelopes, I used a nice greeting card to mail my state taxes this quarter, including a kind note to the person at the department, just to shift their day a bit. Remembering one another’s humanity and intentionally being kind is meaningful.

Doing spiritual practice helps sustain meaning. It helps more if we can bring the intentions of our practice into day to day interactions.

Doing something real helps relieve stress and anxiety. Here are some examples:

Do physical work. Mow the lawn. Get your heart rate up and sweat. You can see things getting done and this has inherent meaning. It relieves stress. It saves you money.

Rearrange a room, closet or drawer. Bringing new order to something in front of you increases your sense of control, helps with the need to change or improve something, and decreases helplessness. It makes you feel better about something.

Walk to the store. Go hunter-gatherer and find food with which you can intentionally and lovingly nourish yourself. This has inherent meaning. Eating kindly relieves stress much more than binging or using food for entertainment. Learn to prepare your food with intention and kindness.

When we get stressed, we tend to pull away from what is in front of us and let things back up, like dishes or laundry. They seem unimportant. Then the environment contributes to the stress. Getting into simple action taking care of these things may seem trivial or meaningless, but actually doing them generates positive momentum, making it easier to do the next thing. Getting things done gives you energy. Take care of what’s in front of you, and if you can, do something that makes a difference in the world. Don’t let feeling like you need to do something important put you in deadlock.

How are you doing out there?

What are you doing to relieve stress?

18 August 2017 0 Comments

Energy Sensitivity as a Path to Self Development, Part 2

Energy Sensitivity as a Path to Self Development, Part 2

Most energy experiences, while indicators or reflections of what one is personally working on at the time, are not in and of themselves spiritually significant. Certainly some experiences do reflect and express spiritual states. Stabilizing new development and attending to guidance matter more than transitory states or experiences. Most energy experiences involve releasing energy that doesn’t belong with us, reorganizing or smoothing out our energy, or pulling back in energy we pushed out—which usually occurs when denial is present to some extent, or one is out of touch with emotion.

Experiences of releasing or of encountering energy that does not source with us are fascinating phenomena—but not therefore important. I do not want to posit an energy experience as being, for example, of greater value than an excellent body work session that changes your posture and emotional expression. I do want to help to normalize energy IMG_0261experiences, to set at ease those who experience them, to provide useful reflection, and to help people to learn to assess experience accurately. This fosters personal development.

I am not saying this with respect to anyone I associate with, but for those who might become fascinated with experiences rather than using them to learn and grow. Energy experience is both a path and a vehicle, but not an end in itself, and not entertainment.

I have had a very broad range of intense and interesting experiences, most of which I have not written down or shared. It is lively and interesting for a variety of experiences to be represented, I am pleased that Kelly shared some of her (what I call) “third party” experiences in the two blogs preceding Part 1. Her descriptions of picking up energy that is directed toward or impacting someone else with whom she is connected are “third party” experiences. This type of event varies widely. I sometimes get third party information when I work with clients. For example, I notice something occurring with their partner, family member or work associate, or even energy from the partner of a client of a client who is a therapist. Some of these connections are amazing since I know nothing of these people and my client validates what I discover. These encounters are so unique that sharing them could pose problems with confidentiality, so I do not.

My role as a healer and guide sometimes keeps me also from sharing experiences that too many clients will not be ready to process. Then again, I balance that care with my proclivity for stimulating growth by presenting controversial topics. Still, I try to be careful about what I model.

Beginners can get unsettled by intense energy experiences and become afraid when they:

—Cannot encompass the experiences within their existing belief structures
—Don’t have the knowledge and energy boundaries to manage any issues the experiences provoke
—Need to make life or relationship changes that become apparent from the experience
—Extrapolate on part of an experience without being able to understand the greater context
—Misapply what they become aware of in ways that promote fear
—Concentrate on provoking experiences without the requisite development to manage them
—Are mentally unstable and attempt to validate symptoms that require treatment
—Imagine that energies originating from themselves is coming from an external source
—Forget that much of the energy they newly perceive has been with them for a long time so there’s no need for urgency or fear
—Require a stronger spiritual basis to assist with bringing in positive energy

A spiritual basis assists with energy protection in a handful of different ways. It takes time and experience, however, to skillfully apply them. Platitudes and truisms are not especially useful. From a certain spiritually expanded perspective, for example, everything originates within ourselves. Knowing or saying this does not help you sort energy. Matter is space filled with protons, neutrons and electrons, and life is illusory—but since it’s so convincing, don’t try to fly, drive through walls, or neglect your body. Natural laws still apply. We need to develop intact energy fields and functional boundaries until we are evolved enough not to have distressing symptoms if we take on energy that doesn’t belong with us or jettison parts of ourselves.

What makes an energy experience frightening to you?

If it does, how does spiritual understanding assist you in dealing with unpleasant energies?

11 August 2017 8 Comments

Energy Sensitivity as a Path to Self Development, Part 1

Energy Sensitivity as a Path to Self Development, Part 1

Before I share my general comments regarding topics she brought forth, let me say that I am delighted with Kelly’s comprehensive, well thought-out, and fascinating commentary in the last two posts. She covered a lot of ground, and touched upon a number of ways that energy does indeed show up and express. I always value the the rough-and-tumble way she gets it straight out there and speaks her truth, with its stamp of authenticity and colorful qualities.

Below are my related considerations:

Those who do not experience energy directly and specifically are also impacted by it, sometimes less directly, sometimes directly but with less awareness. One naturally finds something else upon which to attribute whatever one experiences. It is common to assume that sensations source from physical causes, mood states from events or dreams, and so forth, as the mind seeks to make sense of our experience. Of course, when energy pathways are not open and enlivened, ones range of experience is less broad, less vivid.

Inability to notice the energies inside and around us can be similar to the way the body shuts down sensation and compensates when we have multiple misalignments. A person who has never had body therapies or done yoga etc., despite various problems, becomes out of touch with sensation. Similarly, those who are buried in IMG_0265and riddled with energies that do not belong with them become numb to energy to a greater or lesser extent, depending on their neurological software, nature, and level of development. Assorted impressions and energies are all glommed together and feel normal. This load prevents the person from noticing something new unless it is quite intense, just as you don’t notice one more small crumb on a dirty floor. When it’s clean, you notice. “Stuff” usually starts to show up, if and when we are ready to release it, layer by layer. The more we clean the more we begin to notice and the more stands out. Deeper layers are often related to deeper emotional and ancestral archeology.

In very rare cases, people go through sudden awakenings, during which intense sensitivities and capacities show up suddenly. This is no picnic and nothing to envy.

People who work with energy through Qi Gong, acupuncture, extensive meditation, etc., and who address our Inner Work, learn to identify our own issues. We become more able to sense and recognize energy. This is partly a learned and developed skill, and partly owing to innate aptitude. Like all developed skills, different brain pathways are of course established.

Energy sensitivity is often but not always associated with physically or emotionally inconsistent or unsafe early environments. We turn on and develop our sensors learning to stay safe. Hyper-vigilance is an extreme stance, involving adrenal pathways. Innate sensitivity to energy is not necessarily an imbalance. It can be an inborn trait.

Some of us who start out with abnormal capacities for sensing energy may have unusual brain organization or activity, possibly involving the temporal lobe. Think, for example, of those individuals who can recite several thousand decimals of Pi without a calculator. Energy sensitivity is more common and uses very different brain pathways.

No matter the origins, one can use energy sensitivity as a path to self development. Development may be driven by the need to learn to mediate influences so they don’t overwhelm. This, plus learning to source influences, requires work and it demands self awareness to become accurate. Further self awareness results from these efforts. Whether one chooses this path or enters by necessity, once started upon it, most of us prefer to be clear and aware over inaccurately attributing our experiences to false causes.

A skeptic may consider energy experience as a false cause—until they experience, over and over, they way so many symptoms and life expressions almost miraculously change as such energies are addressed, and collaborate repeatedly with others who validate what they discover.

I started out as a skeptic—which helps me to ground my experiences in actualities whenever possible. Reality testing and seeking confirmation of findings is an essential element of self clarification and becoming accurate.

Where are you on the spectrum of sensitivity to energy?

How did your sensitivity come about?

In what ways does sensitivity to energy stimulate your personal growth?

4 August 2017 0 Comments

Other People’s Energies, Kelly: Part 2

Other People’s Energies, Kelly: Part 2

This and the previous post I have pulled from “Comments,” on my July posts on Energy Release, with Kelly’s permission: 

Kelly continues: How about when you have something foreign going on and have no guideposts, as in familiar people that this energy resembles? This occurs for me often and I usually sense that I am having super intense feelings that are amplified beyond what is called for in the moment. It happens with my partner or the barista. I may draw her rage at her parent as it joins with my anger over something similar, but we may both be unaware of what is occurring. Again, detective work and subtle awareness will usually bring forth info and if not we just ask for those who are here to help to do so. These scenarios often lead to healing.

I have an unfortunate knack for drawing unresolved energies in people around me but can often help them track something they may have no memory of but is ready to return for healing.

I was able to help a women who had a negative view of her parents relationship. 🙂 She came in one day to do other work but it was clear by the energy in her field that the moment of her father’s passing and her mother’s IMG_0053care was up to be witnessed. We were able to identify and follow the energy which allowed the client to see an entirely new perspective, from within her parent’s relationship, and heal her feelings about their relationship by understanding other ways of loving one another. It was a very powerful experience given the energy of death remained. I was the one who recognized the energy but was able to guide her to it at which point all the doors opened up experientially.

A different example and personal one; I was aware of carrying energies I had no context for but one day I was working with my healer and we welcomed those who had come to help. For 2 hrs I laid on a couch as an energy that had entered me while my body was developing, my mother also draws energies easily, and had been literally woven into my being and had always been with me was removed. I could recognize it was an older man and that he needed me for energy, was lost and didn’t know to go back to the light to get another body…. a vampire of sorts but not intentionally harmful; lost.

The process was unbelievable, unraveling in my spine and organs, emotions and thoughts. I experienced huge energetic waves that changed direction over the 2 hours, pulses and in the end an unbelievable amount of grief as though I was losing a part of myself as he left. It was incredible, bewildering and very emotional only to then have the Being who helped act as a place holder until I was filled over the next week with me-ness. How did I know? She was yellow and sang through me in a way that I and my partner can assure you I do not sing. It was a loss when she too left, for I was allowed to experience her life energy which was by far much clearer and purer than mine.

I have hundreds of these stories but at bottom you must have a sincere interest in energy and your sense of self.

Ah, I feel I must add one more story. I was bothered for months on and off by what I would call a black shaman. I say this because he was so sophisticated in how he merged seamlessly with my energy then would ‘step out’ in moments when he knew I’d recognize something was not me, say a feeling like I just wanted to kill someone. I couldn’t shake it, he was not going to let me rest and I sought a lot of help.

Finally through a chain of people it resolved, but I would be blind to how it occurred really for a year. I had 3 people working with me on this, but one had contacted a shaman in another part of the world. To this day she is upset that this was revealed to me, but it was best because I had made up some story about how it happened to come into being. I had prayed my ass off and though Jesus and Buddha showed up in answer to my prayer, little did I know that this person had sent the energy. The good shaman had sent the Christ energy and flooded my body with it for 24 hrs while showing me how the energy was being removed not just from me but the earth. Lets say a lot of high beings were involved and an unbelievable radiance of love. The point though, is that I was able to recognize it but I needed help to remove it.

Energies like this are sophisticated and do seek to instill fear… I never believed in this type of stuff, but the direct experience taught me that my beliefs don’t mean anything when stood up against reality!

I now see that everything has its own unique energy imprint. You can experiment for yourself by finding a great tree, a powerful tree like a redwood and ask to come into energetic alignment with it. Ask Mount Rainier. Ask to be helped to experience it in an way you could recognize it. There are glorious trees just waiting for you to ask. There is one that I am aware of and have direct experience with that is a spiritual teacher, another consistently comes to my aid to help clear my energy.

This world is full of the incredible and we are a part of it. I think we are all working with energies that do not belong to us daily, but some do imbed or pester or have hung out in the dark corners unnoticed and need to be sent on their way. They can never get what they need through another nor we through others. This is a journey for all of us to remember our power even in the midst of realizing we will never be able to fully know ourselves.

I hope this was helpful and shed light on several ways this can happen, how to begin to recognize it, accept it and work with it or call in help!

28 July 2017 0 Comments

Other People’s Energies, Kelly: Part 1

Other People’s Energies, Kelly: Part 1

This and the next post I have pulled from “Comments,” on my July posts on Energy Release, with Kelly’s permission. Her contribution is rich and interesting, and I’m choosing to bring it forward. I only added a few paragraph breaks: 

Hey T this is Kelly. So this is right up my ally, fortunately for writing but challenging to live with the reality as an uber empath. I will tell you that from my experience there are many ways that we pick up these energies: at conception and in womb we inherit unresolved ancestral energies as well as the energies of our parents at that time. They reside in our energy bodies. As children we are unified with the environment we live in until we begin to individuate and often beyond depending upon awareness, nervous systems, family boundaries and so forth. We may think that something belonged to us that did not, it could have a family members thought, feeling or belief.

I have personally absorbed and transmuted through my body most of the energies in my environment my entire life and was unaware for most of it. That meant that once aware I had a backlog to resolve that had not been literally digested through my body. Yes, I have had a long life of illness and strange experiences. I also IMG_0155had to recognize in real time when something entered and try to sort it out. Not everyone has boundaries and not everyone can build them. There are many lessons that come from living this life.

Although I have been told that I am unique in my level of absorption, I believe everyone carries energies that did not originate inside of their personal life experience. Most assume it is just a part of themselves or give little thought to why they react or feel certain ways, or have behaviors or fears that may not have a lived experience in the lifetime of the person experiencing it.

I do this work often with myself and others and feel it is crucial in healing work to first remove the energies that are not personal in order to get clear about what is ours.

There are two things about this that are important. Sometimes a person will draw issues that are in resonance with personal life traumas and lessons. Like draws like. Second, you can also carry an entire interpersonal dynamic. Say a child in a divorced family later is experiencing issues that seem bewildering and have no memory of the day dad walked out the door.

It is not uncommon to find the thoughts and feelings of everyone who was there residing in the person’s energy field surrounding the part that split off to survive. I have gone through this hundreds of times with people and it is a wonderful gift to actually experience each person’s perspective, clear them then recover the little self and be able to change the story based upon the new information and adult perspective. Often there are assumptions during events like these, misunderstandings that entire lives are written on, and having the chance to experience it through the other’s energy really is healing. A new story with new energy.

So how do you know that these energies are there? For some it may come in a dream or they may feel like they are not eating their soup the way they eat their soup but rather it kinda feels like how dad ate his soup? This requires a very subtle mind and awareness, but you can easily begin to track the energy once you recognize a point of departure from your normal way of being. Or say you look and feel a little big in your face or upper body. You check into it with your awareness and get nothing specific so you ask to be shown who this belongs to. Again, subtle awareness is required but the information is always there and cannot lie. They are energy imprints. That seems clear enough.

Continued next week . . .

30 June 2017 1 Comment

Energy Release, Part 2

Energy Release, Part 2

Over time I have learned that I must correctly identify the type and source of the “impression” in order to release it. (“Impression” is another word for the impact that energy or things we perceive and experience have upon us; the way it remains with us after we take it in.) Once I see what it is and no longer identify an energy or impression as belonging to me me, I am able to command the energy to go out. As it leaves, my body may shudder or jerk, sometimes even violently, if the thing I am releasing has been taking up inner space or has had an intensive hold.

During an active energy release, my body sometimes moves in ways I cannot do intentionally. (I have seen this occur with energy-sensitive clients also. Most people experience release less obviously. They may simply feel better in the related body area after the release, without noticing the release happening.) This release is not frightening, although it was unsettling the first few times it occurred. It feels freeing and cleansing. I feel more alive and fluid in the areas that the old energy moves out of, and in my body as a whole after a session IMG_7912like this. This kind of release session occurs spontaneously and organically, when I am doing concentrated inner work. It seems to be an amalgamation of many different types of energy healing, which eventually developed into a self repair protocol.

Sometimes the energy I discover during one of these cleansing protocols surprises me. The sources of these energies may show up to me through simply recognizing the identifying energy signature of a specific person as I turn my attention to the area of blockage, excess or odd energy. More often, I need to flip through potential people-sources in my mind until I come across an energetic match. Sometimes a name pops into my head as I attend to the sensations. Other times I have to dig to find it, and what I discover surprises me, but it clearly feels correct, and the energy moves. The energy does not move out until I identify it correctly and ask it to move.

I learn through this process about what is important to various parts of me, which were apparently running their emotional programs beneath the level of my conscious awareness. Previously-unconscious emotions or reactions are what allows energies from other people to lodge in one’s energy systems. I also get information from what I find about the emotional processes within the people who projected the energies; what drove them to project. Once the energies release it as if the footprints in the sand have been blown smooth. The related issues tend to be if not forgotten, at least unimportant.

The process I am describing, of identifying energy originating from the outside, is occasional. Identifying what is MINE and originating from MYSELF is frequent and consistent. Looking for impressions from others without taking responsibility for one’s own involvement in the interactions and energy transfer would be bunk. A steady baseline of self-observation helps to develop the ability to tell the difference.

Please feel free to describe any similar process you may have that allows you to release energies that do not serve you.

What have you learned in the process of developing an ability to recognize and release this type of energy?

What does energy transfer from one person to the next have to do with your self-definition or emotional context?

23 June 2017 11 Comments

Energy Release, Part 1

Energy Release, Part 1

“Acknowledging the presence of negativity is the first step to putting your life back in order. You can’t change what you refuse to confront.” ~Levine

In this and the following post I will describe an experience I have from time to time, during which I locate and release energy that does not belong with me:

Occasionally, when I do spiritual practices between waking and sleep, I find myself in a state in which I am sensing my body and the energies and sensations related to the practice, and running a related inner exploration. For example, after the a set of practices related to balancing karma and forgiveness, my contemplations stimulated me to review whether or not I was harboring any emotional reactivity toward those who may have done me some type of injustice. I was gently and detachedly reviewing this topic, and checking my body sensations.

As I did this I began to notice energies from other people, which had become lodged in me. Some of these lodged because of my reactions to them, others because they were strong projections that I was unable to keep out owing to incidents in my history making the energies so similar that I hadn’t filtered or sorted them. Many of these projections consisted of, for example, inner child projections from people who fervently desired me to caretake them in some way. I felt responsible for my mother’s feelings and emotional needs as IMG_7718a child. I was now finding some related energies that had been lodged in me for years.

I have noticed that after periods of significant personal growth, I tend to find and release layers or pockets of energy that no longer belongs with me. I see this type of release with clients too, during profound growth. The energies we identify with are not accessible until that growth takes place and we no longer identify with them. At this point related energies release, or the issues show up, and different types of release occur as one reorients and experiences one’s self differently.

In that state between wake and sleep, I experience these types of energies mainly through sensation, although sometimes they show up like dark or fuzzy/static-y spots or areas when I scan internally, which is more of less visual. These spots or areas of sensation always have a specific location. Some may reside in chakras, some in my energy fields, some in organs, and occasionally in my spine. I might feel the energy as a stinging burn, an ache, congestion, slight nausea, contraction, antsyness or deadness in the area. The sensations change or resolve after the associated energy or “impression” releases. The emotional charge on any related issue decreases right away when the energies release.

Are you able to sense when there is energy in your body that does not belong with you?

What do you notice in your energy and in your body when something is present that does not belong?

Can you discern whether what you are sensing originates from within yourself, or from an external source?

25 January 2017 0 Comments

Managing Unwelcome Changes by Creating Values, Purpose & Self Care

Managing Unwelcome Changes by Creating Values, Purpose & Self Care

World changes that offend our sensibilities and values can overwhelm our ability to adapt, leaving us with diminished vitality and weakening immune responses. Current energies and world changes are bringing up a sense of being wounded, overwhelmed, out of control, powerless, and/or hopeless for a lot of people. Last night one of the strongest, clearest people I know said he wanted to hide under a blanket.

When we get overwhelmed, confused about our values, or depleted, organizing moment-to-moment activities often becomes difficult. Retirement can also cast one into the odd mire of not knowing how to organize one’s time, activities and priorities. No matter how it comes about, not being sure what to give value to takes the wind out of our sails.

Meaning, purpose, and motivation are enlivening and energizing. They give life rhythm. They are intimately related to our values.

An inner call to live out and actualize our values and ideals contributes to overwhelm. We feel we must DO something but are not sure what to do, where or how much to give, or how to make a difference. Reconsidering values brings up conflicts that challenge or alters our concepts about ourselves. This takes a great deal of energy. It is important at such junctures to step back before we step forward, to consider whether or not any particular action calls to us or has our name on it. Once we detach a bit it is easier to sense whether or not we are truly called to any specific action.

Not having a sense of what truly matters to us or how to move forward is debilitating. Our energy cannot rally. Uncertainty is tiring.

Uncertainty can make it hard to organize ourselves to do anything, to stay well, or to recover from illness. When we are overwhelmed or cannot find a clear sense of how to move forward into life, returning to foundational self care is essential. We need a manageable, concrete priority. Self care is an excellent priority. Intensifying self care can serve as a temporary goal.

Learning to be kind to one’s self is healing. I am not talking about indulgence, although healthy pleasures can be kind. I am talking about the types of kindness that don’t have a backlash. Here are a few examples:

Find and feel into any places inside that hurt. Accept the sensations and emotions you encounter by allowing that they are there instead of IMG_7516rejecting them. Intentionally breathe tender compassion and love into those places, feeling them, yet gradually filling the body and heart areas they occupy with kindness and gentleness.

Nurture yourself with the clear intention of making yourself feel better, not by numbing or distracting, but by building yourself up with excellent nutrients and kindness.

—Don’t force yourself—invite. Alternate doing things that will improve your conditions, however small, with rest, nourishment, and gentle exercise.

Lie on the floor and stretch a bit.
Walk: It puts your body in rhythm, which is strengthening and reduces stress.

Face losses squarely and grieve if you need to. Sometimes creating a loss that you can control is therapeutic. Getting rid of something that is broken and can’t be fixed, throwing out a plant that cannot thrive, cutting down a sick tree, or giving clothes you don’t wear to charity are ways to concretize a sense of loss—constructively. Constructive loss allows us an avenue to move though our feelings and opens the way for something new.

Create rhythm in your life by keeping some activities steady and consistent, at the same time every day or week. This may sound boring but it is an antidote to chaos and overwhelm. Rhythm helps us to keep moving instead of becoming further overwhelmed by having to determine what to do all over again. Rhythm can make the difference between being productive and feeling stuck.

Here are additional suggestions for creating a short-term sense of purpose to give you focus, rhythm and organization when you don’t know what to do or you’re going through transitions:

Aim to give yourself a clear focus with a strong priority. Pick something possible now, as a spacer until you can deal with the longer term.

Clear the decks so your life is smooth and things are open when you get busy down the line. Do the things you have been putting off. This can bring relief and make you feel virtuous. Get rid of anything that doesn’t serve you in your ongoing.

Face anything you can finally finish. Confronting and removing the obstacles brings a sense of completion. It makes us feel stronger and more clear. These can be small things like straightening out a billing issue, returning a product, working through piles of paper, or doing the laundry. Taking on the ordinariness of these tasks can help us feel unstuck and provide a sense of continuity. We can give them meaning by noticing that it is a kindness to ourselves to reduce our sense of burden and overwhelm in any small way we can.

If you can manage it, identify something you have been wanting to do for a long time but have not been able to get to. It could be a project around the home, an online training you paid for but did not view, or digging a garden plot. Make this project a priority. Welcome the activity as a way to organize yourself.

Which of these interventions speak to you at this point in time?

30 October 2016 2 Comments

Travel Experiences 7: Working the Wound, Part 2: Loving Attention

Travel Experiences 7: Working the Wound, Part 2: Loving Attention

Walking with the wound was its own concentration. Grateful that I could walk at all, I had to move with care. My slow, focussed rhythm was unusual. Those who notice others looked to my bandage and gave me room to reach handrails, or let me sit on crowded busses or trains.

The wound spoke in its only language—sensation. Sometimes the stitches pulled for no apparent reason. I worked at staying with sensation instead of pushing it away and relaxing fear.

In his response to my email, my Teacher suggested breathing up from the soles of my feet through my whole body and out through my crown, then exhaling through my crown and body, out my feet. He recommended adding the practices “Ya Raqib,Ya Hafiz” to my breath, though intention.

Ya (invoking) Raqib is a divine Name for loving attention. Inhaling in this intention, I watched each step to avoid jarring the wound. Bringing loving attention to my leg, limits and needs helped during onrushes in crowds. I kept renewing my intention to bring Earth energy in through my feet. This focus also helped me to p1030209take in my environment and locate places and items I was trying to find. It increased my confidence getting around.

Ya (invoking) Hafiz is a divine Name for protection, and also for deep respect. I exhaled this quality from my crown down and out my feet, beginning with respect for my body and the ways enhanced attention makes me safer.

Combining Ya Raqib and Ya Hafiz evoked numerous reflections:

Paying loving attention is doing our part. Expecting protection without contributing attention is absent accountability.

We need to NOTICE in order to truly respect. Making assumptions without truly noticing does not support respect. A few implications:

–If I did not feel my wound I may not respect my limits.
–If we do not notice the results of eating something we are sensitive to, we will keep eating it and irritate our bodies instead of respecting our needs.
–If someone thinks we are other than we are, they are unlikely to respect our needs.
–If we do not recognize our own energy, we cannot tell when we take on energy that does not belong with us and cannot respect our own need for boundaries.
–Being aware makes for right action.

Our degree of self respect and our ability to respect others are intimately involved with our relationship to physical space. The ways we do and cannot take up space reflect whether or not we feel respectable, and express some of the ways in which we respect or disregard others.

We have different styles of negotiating safety and personal space. Some people, for example, accumulate physical bulk and use it aggressively, demanding a lot of space. Some maintain energy fields like barbed wire or electric sparks for a similar function. Others shrink away and all but disappear in groups. Some blend so much they cannot tell who they are themselves. These types of behavior are rooted in the survival instinct. In part, they help compensate for feeling small, unimportant, unsafe or unseen.

Receiving respect assists us to feel seen and to feel safe.

Through practice we can root ourselves so strongly that we sense our existence whether or not anyone acknowledges us. Surmounting fear of nonexistence supports the ability to melt into profound meditation and broadens the range of experience with which we are comfortable.

My own practices began to show me my tendency to navigate away from occupied space by quickly flowing into open spaces. I noticed that I feel trapped and sometimes a bit panicky when I cannot move freely. Being fully grounded and taking up space intentionally adds gravity to my energy fields feels like dignity. The leg wound forced me to do this. Doing so felt good, if somewhat confining.

I still found oblivious tourists who stand in Borg-like (from Star Trek) solidarity, as if no one outside their hive exists challenging. As a child I felt that I didn’t matter or exist. My practices helped me begin to break down these impressions—but also sensitized me to them. Being trapped in crowds whose conditioning aggravated my old discomfort was like being annihilated in a sea of painful energy. I held a goal to be able to respect myself enough to respect the people who set me off.

Knowing my own wounds helped me respect myself. Sensing the wounds beneath people’s cultural conditioning helped with the outer part. I could see how martial arts and meditation could help counterbalance immersion in a hive-like mentality, where it’s hard to matter as an individual, and understand how constant selfies and being in every photo helped to affirm individual existence.

Crowd reduced sixty percent by rain

Crowd reduced sixty percent by rain, most groups not out.

Holding my own vibration with loving attention and respect among intense masses of energy was a useful self-development exercise. When I was too distracted by the crowds, it helped to focus on the individuality of each person in front of me.

What are your survival defenses?

When do they arise for you?

What do you do if your usual strategies for self care fail and you cannot get what you need or ask for it?

23 October 2016 0 Comments

Travel Experiences 6: Working the Wound, Part 1

Travel Experiences 6: Working the Wound, Part 1

The underworld parts of my journey began with the wound. In life as in mythology, a lot of journeys do. I hope you will find my deeper processes useful. Some parts are difficult to share.

At some point I asked myself: “Did I force the bike trip?” “Was I supposed to go?” “Did woman I called my img_5784‘travel angel’ showing up to guide me mean that I was supposed to be at the monastery?” “If I hadn’t gone, would I have injured myself elsewhere?”

Frankly, I roll my eyes if I think like this. I find “supposed to” or “meant to be” talk annoying. Who is doing the supposing? Such conjecture is rarely useful. Real experiences of meaning arise from feeling, not conjecture. Then again, if we stay with feeling, sensing, and intuition, mining experience for gems will surpass such theories.

I felt clear that what I was going through was related to my energy experience in the castle garden. (Part 4)

As I lived with my injury, memories and insights surfaced from my personal archeology:

About fifteen years ago I had what seemed to be a trivial wound in almost the same spot on my opposite shin. I slipped on a jungle-gym and found myself hanging upside-down by a rope. (Shades of The Hanged Man in Tarot.) That rope wound did not appear serious but the tissues resisted normal healing.

About ten years ago I accompanied other healers on a Shamanistic trip to ancient power spots and barrows in England and Ireland. As our bus passed through Wales a succession of different past life images surfaced, along with related emotions. This intense experience seemed to be a type of energy release. One salient visionary sequence clearly pertained to the shin wound:

I was a man, carrying a huge, rough wooden cross through the streets of a medieval town, having suffered this for some months. I felt ambivalent about this penance. It did not feel spiritually alive. After long deliberation I confronted the church leader, who had tasked me with this burden. We disagreed. I pushed the cross in his direction, rejecting it, but did not push hard enough. It fell back. I jumped back but the wall arrested my movement and a crossbar struck my right shin.

Subsequent images showed me limping winter streets with a wound that worsened over time. I died without coming to grips with related conflicts about my beliefs.

Whether or not we were raised with religion, many of us carry remnants of religious p1010666programing. This can show up in many different ways. For example, we may assign a sense that we can never be good enough to an abstract divine authority, feel we deserve to be punished for things we think, or feel shame about our basic humanity.

Following my past life reflections, the rope wound to my shin began to heal again after remaining stagnant for years.

My current mix of influences had pinged that past life memory:

–My injury occurred near a medieval town, just after exiting a monastery.
–I had been actively processing ambivalence related to power structures within my spiritual group. [I’m good with my Teacher.]
–I was struggling with a painful and awkward burden that did not seem mine to carry, yet it fell back on me when I refused to do so.

Current life tags to the past life wound that never healed fueled flashes of terror. Hospital staff had told me this area of the shin was subject to necrosis. I could not stay off my feet. I could not check the injury as I had been told to leave it undisturbed until the drain was taken out. I worried whenever it hurt.

The positive energy experience I evoked at the formal garden before the injury (Part 4), spoke to laying down burdens, allowing myself to be honored, living more lightly, and receiving support. My healer and I had long been working to correct a weak energy grid on my left lower body, related to the above. I had challenged my status quo.

Some energy-based issues can be corrected immediately. Effective energy work then influences our life experience and reduces related reactivity. Pulling out energies that do not belong with us usually falls into this category. Energy patterning formed over decades or lifetimes, however, are often riddled with deeply held beliefs or conflicts and require ongoing attention and significant change to resolve.

How does your past shape what things mean to you in the present?

How do you influence whether your past creates a meaningful continuity of experience, or prejudices your experience of the present?