Positive Energy Guide

Vampire Mystique and Character Disorders, Two

Please understand that in comparing those with character disorders to vampires, I am not without compassion for their suffering. They, like vampires, may be quite loveable—but dangerously so. These parallels are for the purpose of recognizing these issues to keep yourself safe, not for looking down on people. I will say more about this in Post 7.

Let’s look at some of the parallels between vampires and people who have character disorders:

Need to feed on the energy of others to survive

• Intense craving to be loved and bonded
• Unrealistic and impossible demands on loved ones, draining those they love
• Seductive behavior based on emotional needs
• Intense compelling or glowing eyes when beginning to draw energy
• Being the only one who can understand
• The need to possess those they love body and soul
• Eternal youth

Vampires do not age. Persons with character disorders are emotionally stuck at the stage of development when their wound occurred. In fiction, the besotted human worries about growing old and no longer meeting the vampire’s standards for perfection. Perfectionists make easy prey for vampires because of the tendency to accept blame. In real life—after the sexual infatuation wears off—what happens is that the partner gradually becomes aware of the immaturity of the person in the vampire role.

Warning signs of character disorders:

• Their feelings matter and yours do not even register when stated clearly
• Their actions and words are grossly out of synch
• Feeling drained after interacting
• Their idea of you loving them requires every ounce of you and it’s not enough
• They do anything to be seen well by others and are totally different in private
• Casual emotional cruelty and an inability to acknowledge it
• Lack of conscience about impact on others
• Uncharacteristic loss of goals or life direction around the partner
• Needless conflict—may be a way to get your energy out so they can slurp it up
• Expect you to read their mind and anticipate every need and upset if you don’t
• Feeling that you have to walk on eggshells to keep from setting them off

Be sure to see the links in Post 7 for specific criteria if you think you may be dealing with a character disorder—someone else’s or your own.

It’s natural to love people with character disorders, but mandatory to love yourself as much or more, or you are likely to be drained and derailed from your purposes. These disorders are resistant to treatment, which is sad, because some wonderful people have them, making them difficult to impossible to live them with and remain healthy. If someone you love has one, learn all you can about the disorder so you can recognize behavior patterns and don’t get sucked in to thinking it’s all you. You will probably need professional support to stay emotionally healthy.

What do you do to stay in touch with yourself when you are around someone who is out of balance?

Vampire Mystique and Character Disorders

Judith Orloff, a well-known psychiatrist who is wildly intuitive, writes about narcissists as energy vampires. Narcissism is a character disorder—a serious and diagnosable personality issue. Narcissists do indeed drain energy. If they cannot get energy and attention by positive means they may go so far as to do obviously cruel things to get you worked up—and then casually blame you for it.

Persons with Borderline Personality Disorder make first-rate vampires as well.

Cindy came into my office for the first time in the middle of nasty legal proceedings during which her ex was trying to make her look crazy and unfit to be a mother. She had been a well-qualified nanny for years.

After listening to a brief description of her situation I said, “Tell me how much of this is true: Your relationship started out well. He seemed like an ideal partner and was kind and outgoing to you. After you got seriously involved he began to get really upset very small things and accuse you of not loving him. He expected you to read his mind and attend to his every desire without being asked. When you couldn’t he began to blame and criticize you. He started getting crazier and crazier as you tried to straighten things out, and you began to doubt yourself. Even though you know almost all of what he is saying isn’t true you started to look for the things he said about you in yourself until you felt terrible about yourself.”

She said, gasping: “All of it! How did you know?!”

I said I had a feeling her partner had Borderline Personality Disorder, and that was a typical pattern. Almost anyone who has partnered with a Narcissist or someone with BPD will attest to the facile way this partner makes him or herself look blameless and attractive in your shared social world—until they begin to unravel. Worse than them unraveling is trying to sort out your sanity when they are absolutely certain that everything they feel is your responsibility yet find ways to continue to appear credible. In their eyes, every time you object to something they accuse you of you are causing an unnecessary problem. Being in this kind of relationship is incredibly draining, whether or not you are seduced into believing them.

Vampires present themselves in society as something other than they are. People with character disorders do the same. They master acting presentable and upright, partly due to intense needs for approval and admiration. Once they have identified YOU as the sole source for their emotional needs, this veneer may begin to crumble. The allure of feeling wanted, needed, important, and doted upon fades with the teeth of their insatiable need.

When almost everyone else sees this person as wonderful, it is easy to become confused and believe the biting things they say to hurt you are not true. Unable to stop, they ‘bleed’ you to feed off of your energy, attempting to affirm secretly shaky self-esteem. Deep childhood wounds gave them an intense hunger for approval and love that normal relationship cannot fulfill.

People with borderline personality disorder may seem to love more deeply or passionately than emotionally healthy individuals. They may think they are loving you when they are demanding love from you. They may even feel real love too, and feel bad about how they impact you. What is happening is not pure love but driving compulsion from emotional wounds. This can appear to be love until you try to separate from them to sort yourself out. Then all hell breaks loose.

Post 6 continues to explore parallels between vampires and persons with character disorders, and provides warning signs.

How do you stay clear about loving yourself and about who you really are when you’re around someone who insists that you are what they feel?

What do you think of the terms "energy vampire" and "emotional vampire"? I like them. They are mean. They make the point. I have mixed feelings. View Results  Loading ...

Judith Orloff, a competent psychiatrist and highly talented intuitive, uses the terms “energy vampires” and “emotional vampires” to describe people who drain or draw energy from others. The term “psychic vampires” is also in use.

I have experienced people who drain energy. As those of you who are highly sensitive know, the feeling of having your energy drained by someone is exhausting, invasive, and unpleasant. Being drained can be metaphorical, as in having an emotional reaction that leaves you drained after dealing with someone. Loss of energy can also be literal. Literal means that energy is actually leaving your body and the drainer is becoming stronger.

Personally I do not believe those of us who get drained are mere victims. We have emotional or boundary challenges to master in order to overcome being susceptible. Interaction goes two ways.

Likewise, those who drain—with a few seriously disturbed exceptions—do not do it intentionally. They are likely to be doing their best to cope with their issues. They may need feedback and professional support to learn how to fill themselves up.

Personally I have mixed feelings about using terms that categorize people as monsters. Doing so is fun, spunky, highly descriptive. It gives us distance from people and their issues. It makes it easier to realize how critical it is to set boundaries. At the same time these terms focus us on the problem as if the entire person was his or her problem. Most people who drain energy do so only under some circumstances or types of relationships.

What do you think? Are the advantages of calling people “psychic vampires,” “energy vampires,” or “emotional vampires” worth it? Are the terms too harsh, or simply well deserved? Why?